So here I sit, at the precipice of a new life. Just waiting for that magical e-mail to tell me when I can start my new $30,000 per year job. In the meantime, I'm just killing time in this town, reflecting on all the things that happened to me this past year. Starting from my dramatic midnight move from my $800.00 a month apartment in June 2005. I had lost my job the previous December & my U.I. had just started, but I was in financial ruin, to the point I was a month behind in my rent & had an eviction notice tacked to my front door. Hydro had cut the power to my suite the previous week. as I sat in my cold & darkened suite, I realized I could no longer live there. I had nothing to lose now, so I grabbed what little I could stuff into a cab & headed for the ferry to the Island, where I jumped aboard the last sailing of the night & found accomodations in a chintzy little motel in town. It hadn't hit me yet, the enormity of what I was doing, that I was leaving my old life on the mainland behind & making a fresh start here. All that mattered to me that night was to escape. To get away.[/p] About a week later I would find temporary accomodations in this Hostle, where I still was in a daze about what I had done. I came to this town, literally fresh off the boat. I knew no one here & never felt so completely alone in all my life. U.I. & boredom can make a deadly mix & nowhere was this true, on one particular hot July night. I was walking around town, with no particular destination in mind, just out for a stroll, when I must have strolled into the "wrong side of the tracks" part of town. I was accosted by this "professional lady" & offered favors for a very modest price. For some reason I accepted. I won't go into gruesome details, but during the encounter, I made a shocking discovery that this "she" was actually a "he" I thought that was the lowest point of my life then & I've been desperately trying to put it out of my mind ever since.[/p] One night, as I was watching TV in the Hostle, a gentleman began talking to me. It turned out, that he was in a somewhat similar situation to me, having moved from out of town here. Well, it was through this gentleman I was introduced to John. John owned a shop in town & was thinking about purchasing a computer & going on line with his business. Problem was, he didn't know the first thing about them. Well, through our mutual friend, we ironed out a tentative deal to get his business up & running. Unfortunately, I bit off more than I could chew & it quickly became evident I would be unable to help John in the manner he needed & despite his charitable gesture of putting me up for a month in the back of his store, free of rent I had to move on. [/p] It was now October, 2005 & I had finally found accomodations in the form of a rooming house. Without hesitation, I jumped at the room for $350.00 per month & moved in. Here, I would meet a whole cast of "charachters", each of whom was interesting in their own way. The 2 apparent heads of the house were Doug & Dave. These 2 were classic scammers & even conned ME into working a shift for them, in which I was SO out of my element I couldn't beleive I had let myself get talked into such a thing.[/p] Eventually tho, Doug & Dave found greener pastures back on the mainland & moved out. This cleared the way for Douglas C. to become lord & master of the house. It was a this point, that my stay began to get troublesome. Douglas C. is a classic alcoholic. It would become routine to come home on a Friday night & find him passed out in his Martin Crane-type chair in the living rooom around 9:00 pm. A lovely sight to come home to.[/p] It was during this time also, that I had decided to re-join the working world & got myself a job at a call center in town, earning $9.00 p/h. Well, the training paid that. The 1st day we were released out onto the floor, I realized it was not for me & quickly bolted. Undeterred, I spent the next week dropping resume's like bombs, all over town. Eventually, I got a call back for one of them. A Security company, which was my field of expertise. I went for an interview & was hired right on the spot. MAN I never felt as powerful as I did, that day I walked out of that office. I was on a real roll.[/p] It should be noted however, that behind the scenes I had discontinued my anti-depressant medication back in August, because I couldn't afford it any longer. & because I weened myself off so gradually, & suffered no withdrawl effects, I had no Idea just how bad I was off. About a week into my new job, the boss called me in & told me I wasn't performing to his expectations so far. I took what he said hard, but decided to pick up the gauntlet & work even harder the next week. Well the next week came & went & my boss said he did notice I was working beter. Whew! big sigh of releif. Looks like I'm gonna stay on then. Cut to the following Monday. I have a little vocal outbirst & my boss calls me into his office & told me I wasn't working out & just like that I had been let go. as I slinked home, I REALLY began to feel depressed. My whole being suddenly just felt the weight of the entire world on my back. I was even entering words into my cellphone, which I kept as a personal diary at the time like: "failure, sadness, sadness & heavy, failure, suicide." This told me something was very wrong. & to make matters worse, when I told my landlord why I was home so early that day, he told me that he was serving me, & everybody in the house 60 days eviction notice, as he was selling the house. So in the span of about 4 hours, I had managed to lose my job & get served with an eviction notice. I beleive there is a point where your brain just kind of shuts off to all that's hapening. A kind of overload protection when so many bad things happen to you at once, your brain is incapable of processing it all, so it just goes on automatic & provides you with the most basic functions, like breathing & eating. A kind of "Safe Mode" if you will & I beleive that is what happened to me when I was served my eviction notice.[/p] The following Sunday, was the pinnacle that something was wrong with me. I had awoken in a strangley combative & agitated mood & I couldn't account for it. I remember walking to the 7-11 for a coffee in the morning, encountering this man & his girl & having the uneasy senation that he was staring at me. Giving me some sort of testosterone stare down for the benefit of his girlfriend. I hated the feeling & this further contributed to my agitation. Next came the bus incident. As I was boarding the bus, the bus driver closed the doors on me & we ended up getting in an argument. I got off the bus a few stops later, with no real destination in mind, but I was in a mental ruin. I wanted to kill everybody. I knew I was in serious trouble. I text messaged my old friend from the Hostle, whom was now driving a cab & he came by & picked me up & after a coffee with him I felt better. It wouldn't last. As soon as he let me off at a bus stop, I got into an exchange with a lady there as well! that was it. I had to go home. I rushed home & locked myself inside my room for the rest of the day. I was a danger to society & could go off at a moments notice & was for the 1st time in my entire life, as I really didn't know what I might be capable of doing. [/p] The following Wedensday, (We're now in Jan 2006 btw)was the low point. Where the bottom fell out. I went to the mall & went to duy a hot dog at the Orange Julius. When I swiped my bank card, I got that horrifying NSF on the bank machine. I KNEW I had at least a couple hundred dollars in there. I hurriedly made a panicked call to my bank, where the lady informed me, in her broken english accent, that because I had left town w/o notice, the bank had yanked my overdraft from me, leaving me with LITERALLY not a cent to my name. I hung up the phone in numed shock. I was now penniless. I had no collaterral & not a cent to my name. I couldn't beleive it. It's impossible to accurately relate the experience to someone, because it's just something you have to experience first hand, to appreciate. To suddenly have no money, not even enough to EAT. After the fog lifted, & I could at least stand up I began to realize what I was gonna have to do. I was gonna have to tuck my pride (like I had any left at this point) between my legs & plead my case to welfare for some sort of emergency funds. I won't go on about the 3-ring circus they put me through, but ultimately I DID get help. I honestly don't know I survived, let alone find the strength to go through it, but it was a life altering experience for me & it changed me forever, not to mention pointed out to me that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. Life had me on the mat for the 10 count & I managed to pick myself up for at least one more round. I realize it was a handout, but nevertheless - when I got that $98.00 from the welfare office, my life was saved & I felt like I had just received a reprieve from the grave. That was the turning point. My life got better after that.[/p] The following weekend, I returned to the mainland for my monthly visit with my folks, well my best friend from childhood had hunted me down & found out through my folks that I would be visiting them that weekend & offered me a job with his company. I told him of my situation, to which he told me to send him my resume & we'll talk.[/p] After I returned to my place on the Island & did send him my resume, he said he & his boss liked it & he told me to come back to his place, in the city Friday night & he would let me crash at his pad. He bought me dinner Friday night & when we awoke Saturday, he & his girlfriend wisked me away downtown for what I can only explain as a dream. You know those shows where they pick seemingly random people & give them a makeover? Well, my friend & his gilfriend took me to all kinds of shops & specialty stores & $400.00 later, at HIS expense! I had been outfitted with a whole brand-new wardrobe, INCLUDING a nice suit for the interview with his boss, which was to take place the following Wedensday. I couldn't beleive that somebody would do something so nice for me. I'm a man, but I'm not ashamed to admit I was in tears. I had never received such kindness & my only hope for the rest of my life, is that I may someday be able to do the same for, if not him, then somebody else. It was a life altering experience.[/p] Well I showed up there, at the heart of the financial district in the city at the office & there to meet me was my friend, telling me how sharp I looked in my new suit. I never felt so good. the suit WAS indeed empowering. It must have rubbed off on me too, because the interview went well. I felt an instant ease with my perspective new boss & as it stands now, am just waiting for the official word, which my friend tells me, should come at any day now. I kind of figured I'd already be working, but after all that's happened to me these past months, I can afford to wait a little longer.[/p]
