Life's Fortunes

[trefilov]

[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   03/26/2006                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           Sunday                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                [/p]   Ok, Today, I HAVE to get out.  Even if it's just for a bit. I tell ya, living with a couple of old,old folks will drive ya NUTS.  Again, I slept in a little & got coffee for the folks, to appease them & throughout the day, slept & napped, as did mom & dad.  Quite an existence we all lead now, isn't it?  Finally, around 3pm, I'd had enough. I took what little change I had & headed out. I didn't care where I went, I just had to get out of there.  I walked up toward the mall & ultimately ended up taking the bus down to the waterfront, where I did a long, contemplative walk, trying to digest my now current situation.  It still hasn't hit me yet. I wonder how long it will take before it does?  I hung around till around 5:30 & used the very last of my change, which barely covered bus fare back home & did head back home.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

 [p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   04/15/2006                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           Got A Place!                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]   Another weekend & that means another couple o' days of killin' time, while trying to stay out of mom & dad's hair. I caught the bus downtown & had breakfast at Rotten Ronnie's & once again, went across the street to print off a list of potential places to rent. I mean sooner,or later I gotta get out from under my folks place.  There's only so much old foggery & cat shit/piss you can take.  [/p]    After printing off my list, I headed down to the west side & set up post at a payphone. Let's see here...Ok, here's the 1st place on my list...bachelor suite, $740.00 a month. Ok, I'll give them a call & leave a message at least.  Oh? Hello. Someone actually answered.  It was the assistant manager.  She said she could show it to me right now, if I'm available.  It turns out, I was only 5 blocks away from the place I was phoning.  So, I jogged on over where she met me at the front door & she took me upstairs to look at the suite.  Needless to say, the bachelor whom was currently staying in it, had it looking like a bomb hit it, but something about it grabbed me & within a minute, I had my chequebook out, writing out the deposit. Well, I must have known on some level this place was hot, because, as I was writing the cheque, another person called the lady on her cell, inquiring about this very suite!  No SHIT, it was THAT quick! She told them the suite had been rented & hung up & then to boot, some people actually came by to look at the suite. Well, I nearly shit myself when she told them that I had just rented the suite from under them.  Great!  Why don't you just paint a great big target on my face lady?  They gave me a faint smile, but I'm sure they just wanted to kill me for "stealing" it from under them. But the bottom line was, I now had a place!  Finally! - a light at the end of the tunnel. I could now put a timetable on how long I would have to remain at my folks place & sleep on that damn couch.  I left there, after filling out the rental agreement, feeling on top of the world.  A major hurdle had been cleard on my road back to respectability.  Now, all that's left is to improve at my job & start chipping away at my debts.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]

[stretchedout]

The new reality:

  [img id=pd_foreclosure_070612_ms.jpg height=310 alt=foreclosure src="vny!://a.abcnews.com/images/US/pd_foreclosure_070612_ms.jpg" width=413]

[trefilov]

[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   04/17/2006                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           WTF!???                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]  I could tell I was gonna be only one of a very few suckers going into work today by the, maybe 2 people that caught the bus into town.  Hardly anybody showed up at the office, maybe like 5 out of 16.  Needles to say, it ended up being a VERY laid back day, but still I mamaged to get some work done.  It was what awaited me when I got back home that inspires the title of this entry. [/p]    When I scrambled up to my parents open patio door, I was greeted by the sound of whirring fans & about 5, blue monsters - flood fans, actually - taken up root in my parents suite.  Their story was, apparently one of the girls from Home Healthcare had turned on the washer, when it was already full of water. Hmmmm.  Not having enough energy to launch an on-the-spot inquest, I just shook my head, knowing full well that my mother was somehow responsible.  Dad, seemed to be taking it all in stride, which surprised me.  Usually in something like this, he'd hit the roof. I guess tho, he's had to put up with so many of mother's shenannigans over the years, that this might not be all that foreign to him. That in itself is scary.  I whipped up a dinner of Kraft Dinner & weiners & around 9 pm, began to feel tired.  I wish I could say I fell fast asleep, but when you're trying to sleep amongst 5 flood fans, that's wishful thinking.  It's more accurate to say, I slept periodically through the night, awaking about once every hour. Christ, I won't be able to get outta here fast enough![/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[P.C.]

lol, trefilov.  What a day indeed.

[trefilov]

   
[table class="blog" id="BlogTable" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"][tbody][tr id="blog-5"][td width="100%"]                                                                       [p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   04/20/2006                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                    [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"]                                     [tbody][tr]                                                                                   [td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                                                                                                                                                         [p class="blogContent"]                                  
I had my 1st bit of tension at work today.  Too bad too, because everything had been going so well. ****** started ripping me apart around 3pm about how I was doing certain things.  Obviously I wasn't catching on fast enough & I could see * was getting frustrated with having to explain again to me.  ***** **** I hate them.  They're all so perfectionist & their work ethic makes **** *** look bad by comparison.  Add to that, I never have mixed well with anal retentive personalities. There could be a problem here.  As I said, everything had been going so well.  It's not like I'm throwing in the towell, or anything like that - It's just that for the 1st time here, I'm disappointed in myself & in the fact that I take it so personally & react so strongly.  I thought the dope was supposed to counteract that, so what gives?  As I said, it HAD been a good day, up until this point. Unfortunately, I just couldn't let it go & when I unloaded my experience on my dad, he was less than sympathetic, saying I couldn't be that soft, could I?  He's right. I mean Christ, here's a 37 yr old man, "hurt" because someone criticised him?  ****, suck it up princess!  Deal with it!  Life isn't all roses, sometime life sucks, move on.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

 [p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   04/21[span style="background-color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]/2006[/span]                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           One Month Point                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"] Ok. I think I know what may have been the cause of my over-sensitivity yesterday.  Or at least something that added to it. I decided to go without coffee today, in an effort to take any edge off, in order to feel less sensitive to any criticism I may receive at work.  Turns out, I didn't receive any - mostly because I was left to my own to do my own thing & that was just fine with me. But I definately noticed the lack of coffee did make me less sensitive & therefore I have decided to cut down on the coffee intake during the week.  I hardly saw ****, which made my day easier & allowed me to concentrate on my task & not have to worry about being criticised. [/p]     The day ultimately did pass by quick enough & before I knew it, it was over. Another week has gone by & more importantly, I passed my 1st month.  With this milestone accomplished, I headed home & reaped the benefits of downloading the entire series of the 70's Sci-Fi series, Space: 1999, for 3 weeks. Finally, all 16 gigs, 48 episodes had downloaded to my computer & I could finally watch them now & I closed out the day, doing just that.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

   
[table class="blog" id="BlogTable" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"][tbody][tr class="spacer" id="spacer-6"][td]
[/td]                               [/tr]                                                        [tr id="blog-7"]                               [td width="100%"]                                                                       [p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   04/26/2006                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                    [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"]                                     [tbody][tr]                                                                                   [td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                                                                                                                                                         [p class="blogContent"] Today, during lunch I went to the apartment to pick up the keys to my suite.  Of course the manager wasn't there when I got there. That's what u get for not phoning ahead.  So I waited, along with this cute I'd say - 20/21 yr old single mom.  She was very pleasant & ultimately helped to disprove my theory that all young girls are b******. It was actually nice to meet someone like that.  Of course I'd love to get to **** her on a strictly primitive level, but I still can appreciate a nice personality.  I'm not that far gone yet.  She even offered to let me go ahead of her, when the manager finally did arrive, but she was 1st & what's right is right. So, I let her do her thing & soon after I was able to get my keys from the manager & after which, I immediately trotted upstairs to my now empty suite.  I have to say. This time, with it empty, it somehow lost the lustre it had.  Perhaps that's because when I originally viewed it, I was just happy to have landed a place. ANY place. That & the fact, that a guy was living in it at the time, with all the furnishings, made it more appealing, but this time.  It just looked like a big empty, grey room - with a MICRO kitchen & a bathroom that needed some cleaning.  Oh well, HEY - at least it's mine right?  My own little corner of the world. Something I've not had since June of last year & the fact that I was able to get ANY place at all without being blacklisted is a thing in itself.  So, I took one last look at my impending destiny & shut & locked the door behind me.  I must admit, there IS something satisfying about having that extra set of keys now. Kind of almost like a status symbol. The more keys you have = the more successful you are.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

     
[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/01/200[span style="background-color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]7[/span]                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           FIRED!                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]    Well, my long struggle at BIFF! is finally over. When Tuna came in around 10:00 this morning & asked me if I had a minute to meet with him in the Board Room, I knew what was comming. I even whistled the Darth Vader theme as we sat down, to let him know that I knew what was comming & it must have helped break the ice because his opening phrase was: "So, it's been 10 months. I've gotta be honest with you, Alec it just isn't working out."
    There must be some course for Executives where they teach these guys all the catch-phrases to let you know you're being fired. I guess it's a little more compassionate than the Donald's famous: "You're fired!"
   In any case, I was out of a job again. Fortunately, Tuna & I were both able to agree to not let my failure here, interfere with our lifelong friendship. I mean, yes he did stick his neck out for me to get this job & dammit, I tried my very best, but in the end - it really wasn't working out. & knowing me so well, he offered some insight, that I maybe should stop looking outward & blaming all my problems on everyone else & start looking inward, at which I asked him if it wise for the company to axe me, when I had disclosed to them I was currently in therapy & trying to get help, at which he shot back with: "Well we're not a Charity. We're not obligated to keep you hired."  While that may be so, I thought it was in pretty poor taste for him to say so.  I may not know too much about Management, but I would think saying things like that to any employees would be frowned upon. But then again, he may have been talking to me as my best friend. Come to mention, my no longer working under him now, would at least take an awkward strain out of our friendship. I mean I never knew whether I was speaking to my boss or my friend. But still, all in all I have to say that even though I was now fired, I did feel a sense of relief.
    He allowed me the dignity to quietly slip out of the office at my own leisure, which also was very kind & without even saying goodbye to any of  my co-workers whom I had shared the last 10 months of my life with, I was out the door & on the street. Once again Unemployed.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/09/2007                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]                                           Applied for E.I. (Again)                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]    With the number of times I've been out of a job in the past 2 years, you'd think I'd be USED to visiting the E.I. Office by now.
    As I was walking down to the office tho, I wondered: "How & where does someone draw the strength to get out of bed, let alone actually get dressed & go down to the E.I. Office, when you're in a depression & doped up on Effexor? I mean, I know that if I hadn't stopped for a coffee at Blenz on Davie, I just wouldn't have had the strength of will to go down to the E.I. office.  Exactly the way it was when I lost my job in 2004, where Tuna actually had to take a day off from HIS job, & come & drag my sorry ass out of bed, just to get me down there.
  Well, ironically, he was part of the forces responsible for me having to apply for E.I. this time, so I wouldn't be able to count on him comming to rescue me. He did enough for me in landing the job with his company. How could either of us have known that I would turn out to be Dyslexic & that I just wouldn't fit into the framework of the job he tried to provide for me.  Thank god, we were both able to agree that when he had to let me go, we wouldn't let it affect our friendship. Although, I know he's disappointed that I wasn't able to stay on with his company & it must have been tough when Mitch told him to give me the axe, Mitch, knowing full well Tuna & I are best friends. Perhaps it IS for the better tho, as it definately did put a sort-of awkward strain on our friendship. I mean, I never knew, whether I was addressing Tuna as my boss, or as my friend. Mind you, our relationship has always been like that. somehow, I've always been in some sort of subordiante position to him. In my mind at least. I guess that's just one of the many indicators of how f*cked up I am mentally. I think I did the right thing applying for Disability, as my not being able to hold any kind of job in the last 2 years is a clear indicator of that.
   So, here I sit, blogging my poor-me therapy for all to see, knowing that in the end, this is really just for my benefit, as no one will see this.
  Thank god I'm able to write in such a way, that I can communicate my most inner thoughts. I know not everybody can be so honest with themselves, but I've come to realize at my age, that if you can't at LEAST be honest with yourself, there is no hope fpr growth.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/10/2007                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                           [p class="blogSubject"]
                                                                                                                                 [/p]                                                                                                                              [p class="blogContent"]    I may not  have been blessed in the looks dept. but I guess, to compensate I WAS blessed with a bit of an acting talent. Knowing I was gonna have to tell D sooner-or-later about my latest shit-canning, I called him up this morning, & told him the reason why he didn't hear from me (He gets very panicky when he doesn't hear from his precious little 38 yr old boy at least once a week) was that I was fired. What I DIDN'T tell him tho, was the exact reason I got fired, the inflammatory email, but I told him everything else. Carefully constructing my alibi, so as to make me look like not only the clear victim in this episode, but actually a classy guy.  Just to think. If I was to add that 1 little detail to my story, about my Ill-advised email, he'd receive me in a completely different light. Oh what a tangled web we weave...
     So, I hopped the Davie bus & waited for the 210 at my usual stop.
I had a girl about half my age come up to me & ask me if I was waiting for thge 210. Of course, my desperately mal-nourished ego likes to think that she was hitting on me, but then, my self-doubting cynicism tells me "no" she really only wanted to know if she had missed her bus. I've heard somewhere, that women can sense when a man is confident & I was wearing a differrent shirt today, which I have to admit - DID give me a little boost, so who knows?  Bottom line tho is: as I have done countless times in my life, I did nothing to follow up on the possibillity that she might have been interested in me & of course, my best rationalization being: she couldn't have been more than 21 - TOPS. & me, a nearly 40 yr old? Ahh neaho.
    So I arrived at Dee's & he quickly indicated he would like to go out for lunch today & who could blame him?  It was a surprisingly sunny day, so we seized upon the moment & took a cab down to White spot & had a very fulfilling lunch.
**Also of note** today was the 1st day I went from 113mg down to my long term dose of 75mg Effexor. I have to admit, I did feel a little more edgy today, but at least it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. We'll see how it goes in the comming days. So, after I babysat Dee at the Gatorfarm for the day, I bummed $20.00 from him & hit the road, just before the Home Healthcare nurse showed up at 4pm.
    I don't mean to speak derrogatorially of my own father, because I do love him so. & I know he has done so much for me. It's just hard sometimes, listening to his woes of aging & his various aches & pains. I mean I feel for the guy, I really do. & it's frustrating for me, his son to not be able to protect him from the ravages of old age. I mean, talk about a bum deal. Here's a guy, who has the youthful outlook of a 20 yr old, but is betrayed by the rapidly decaying body of an 83 yr old. I love him so much I could cry.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

   
[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/11/2007                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]                                                                                                                                                                         [p class="blogContent"]        So, here it is. Sunday night, nearing 10 pm. What did I do today?
 Got up around 7:30, stumbled around until I had enough wits about me to go to Blenz for my morning j-ava, where I took my usual seat at the window & witnessed life passing down Davie.on a typical grey Vancouver morning.
     After, I went back to my place & wolfed down 8, yes that's right ( pieces of Raisin Toast - all dripping with butter. I can't kill myself quick enough. & of course, after downing that much starch in such a quick time, my body shut down & I fell asleep & when I next woke up it was 7:30 p.m. Great way to kill a day off. AND economical too. I mean here it is 10pm & I still feel full from all that Raisin toast. There. I just yawned again, so obviously, today's a write-off. Not that I had sny elaborate itinerary to accomplish anyway.  
    Another day in the life of a valuable member of society.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

[p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/12/2007                                                                                                                           [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]vny!://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td]                                                                                [td]
[p class="blogContent"]    I've developed this strange habit lately, of surfing the net, while listening - that's right, LISTENING & NOT watching movie fikes. As it turns out, I'm listening to Silence Of The Lambs.  It makes surfing the net an entirely new experience, not to mention put me in a strange frame of mood.  I'll bet it's not everyone who blogs their thoughts & feelings while listening to: "PUT THE f*ckING LOTION IN THE BASKET!" comming from their speakers.
    So. another busy day in the life of an unemployed bum.  One way you can definately tell you're unemployed, is when you wake up to the sound of the Garbage Truck, banging the bin repeatedly. Almost like it's knocking on your door from outside saying: "Hey! Get up ya lazy bum!  There's Coffee to be drank & masturbating to be done. Ah yes. The 2 top activitiies of the Unemployed.
    Actually, when I went for my morning Coffee at Blenz this morning, I decided to start writing my Autobiography. & that's just what I started texting on my phone, as I was sitting there drinking my coffee. I have to admit, I think I got off to a good start. I can't wait to see how it ends up. There's nothing like starting a new project. Especially if you're unemployed. It gives you sense of purpose. Hey! Kind of the way a job does!
    So, of course, after I was finished my cup, I went back to my suite & had another 4 pieces of Raisin Toast & despite my best efforts to stay awake, I just couldn't & was asleep by about 2 pm. Fortunately I didn't sleep too long this time. I got up around 3:30, craving - wouldn't you know it? a coffee. So, for variety sake, I ventured on down to the 7-11 on Burrard (Yes, I do like the high-end stuff).
   Oh & for historical reference. Today was the official unveiling of the Countdown to 2010 Clock. & in typical media fashion, the hype far outweighed the product, for when they did the "Big Dramatic Unveiling" all they had to show for it was a big clock shaped like a shoe-heel, with a giant popsickle stick jammed down the middle. Really captures the spirit of Vancouver & Canada.
     Oh well. I'm sure the much hyped new Canucks logo & jerseys next season will be just as much of a dissapointment. Then again, almost anything's better than the Free Willy jersey they have now.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]  

[trefilov]

 [p class="blogTimeStamp"]                                                                                   02/13/2007                                                                                                                        [/p]                                                                                                                                                                                            [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr]                                                                                [td]                                                                                                                                                                         [p class="blogContent"]Glory. As in, that's the movie I'm  listening to today. One of the few NOT Cheesy Mathew Broderick films from the 80's
    So let's see now. What miracles have I performed in the last 24 hrs? Well, as always I awoke to the sounds of Garbage Trucks & Crows & once again tapped in more entries to my highly anticipated Autobiography at Blenz & am happy to report that today I was able to resist the temptation to take a nap!
   It's time to admit the truth. There's very little interesting in the life of an unemployed  man. Hell, there was very little interesting about my life BEFORE I got fired.  At least, I haven't sunken to the level of watching daytime soap operas. Did you know, there ARE actually guys, MEN - who watch those things? & what's more, they're not even gay! Anyways, if ever I sink to such depths, then I'll know there's no hope. In the meantime, I'll stick with my routine of coffee, breakfast, masturbation, nap (Optional) lunch, coffee, dinner, masturbation & sleep. Repeating daily, until something happens to break the cycle.Something like, oh, say...a job!
     Oh, on another note. I've begun correspondance with this mature woman. She initiated contact & I've been trying to keep it flowing, without LOOKING like I'm trying. On a strictly primitive level, I'd stick it into her, of course I don't want to let HER know that. Herein lies the great conflict. Do I go for the quick f*ck & try to bed her by turning on the charm & saying what it is I think she wants to hear, in order to achieve this end?  Pretty pointless, since I haven't a CLUE what a woman wants. OR. Do I just sit back & let it play out & possibly germinate into something more?  I DO know that having sex with someone you actually have an emotional bond with can be the most rewarding. God, I tell you, sometimes it SUCKS to be a man. I mean, we want to conquer as much pussy as we can in our lifetime, but thore more women you sleep with, I guess the more meaningless sex becomes. Like Pornstars. Well at least they get paid for it. Which is I guess every guys dream. To get paid for actually f*cking.
   Back to reality (Gives his head a shake) So, here I am typing away as the sun's making a valliant effort to poke through the clouds. I guess life's not all that bad.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]

[GORDY GAMBINO]

Hey mate has anyone told you lately that we don't give a shit and you are an absolute loser???