Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[49er]

Lise wrote:
49er wrote:
 
Tat So Fa Kin Fun Ne[/DIV]
   What's that mean??[/DIV]
     Ask Purelife.......I learned this chinese from her

[purelife]

LOL Lise...

That chinese version sounds and translates to:

That so f*CKING funnee.  

 

[49er]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO- LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE , BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE : [FONT color=black][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: black"]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] Marrying you screwed up my life.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]I see your face when I am dreaming.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] That's why I always wake up screaming.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New
 Roman"] This describes everything you are not. [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]I thought that I could love no other[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] -- that is until I met your brother.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]I want to feel your sweet embrace;[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] But don't take that paper bag off your face.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]I love your smile, your face, and your eyes[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] -- Damn, I'm good at telling lies! [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]My love, you take my breath away.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] What have you stepped in to smell this way?[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New
 Roman"]My feelings for you no words can tell,[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] Except for maybe "Go to hell."[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] [/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"]What inspired this amorous rhyme?[/FONT]
[FONT face="Times New Roman"] Two parts vodka, one part lime[/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black][SPAN style="COLOR: black"][/SPAN][/FONT] [DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"][/SPAN][/FONT] [/DIV]

[Gopher]

"Mommy, Mommy, can I lick the bowl out?"

  "NO! Pull the chain like everyone else".  

[Michel]

           

[49er]

 [FONT size=4]LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN.... [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]A grade school teacher in [SPAN id=lw_1189583955_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; HEIGHT: 1em"][SPAN id=lw_1189736172_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; HEIGHT: 1em"]Kentucky[/SPAN][/SPAN] asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'. [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.' [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.' [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him. [/FONT]

  [FONT size=4]Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.' [/FONT]

[FONT size=4][/FONT] [/DIV]

[Michel]

  [span style="font-family: Arial;" lang="EN-US"]          
[/span]  

[Gopher]

Lol, I've done them all - ona  regular basis, too.

[P.C.]

I can't imagine doing something so ridicu

[Michel]

 
 

[Michel]

 [span style="font-family: Arial;"]
[/span][p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0mm 0mm 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"][span style="color: maroon; font-family: Arial;" lang="EN-US"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]

[Michel]

  [font size="5" color="#800040" face="Georgia"] [/font][/p]

[P.C.]

THAT'S SO CUTE MICHEL !!!

[Michel]

   

[49er]

 [DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face="Times New Roman" color=black size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]The Wedding Anniversary


[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=#000000][FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]His wife was really angry.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]She told him " Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! "[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]The next morning Rick got up early and left for work.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book  Antiqua'"]When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway .[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT face="Book Antiqua" size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Book Antiqua'"]Rick has been missing since Friday . Please pray for him[/SPAN][/FONT][?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /][O:P][/O:P][/FONT][/DIV][?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = XXML /][XXML:NAMESPACE PREFIX="U9"][/XXML:NAMESPACE][?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U9 /][U9:P][/U9:P] [DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"][FONT color=#000000][U9:P] [/U9:P][O:P][/O:P][/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][/DIV]