Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[Sportsdude]

Miche's Pierre joke is the funniest.  

[TehBorken]

 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "Heck, I know the guy."

[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

 

[Lise]

Law of the Bungle

  As a newspaper reporter and photographer, I covered a council meeting where a new police officer was being sworn in by the mayor. After taking some shots, I strode over to the police chief to get the correct spelling of the officer's name. The mayor's assistant hurriedly scrawled a note and passed it to me. Thinking she was handing me the officer's name, I stuffed the note in my purse and left.

  Only later did I find out waht the note read: "Your skirt is unzipped in the back."

  [FONT size=1]Fran Klatte[/FONT]

  In our prayer group, each member writes her prayer requests on index cards. One day, when I was to read the requests, I forgot my glasses. Reading the first card, I said, "Lord, please bring my lover back into the right position." Amid the puzzled looks, the pastor's wife snatched the card from me and read....

  "Lord, please bring my LOWER back into the right position."

  [FONT size=1]Mary L. Donahue[/FONT]    

[Lise]

How Handy are You?

  Our power went out during a severe windstorm and the smoke alarm started to beep. The noise was so annoying I couldn't stand it. Home alone, I climbed up on a chair and using a kitchen knife, I took the alarm apart. Very pleased with myself, I was puzzled to hear the annoying beeping again. When my husband came home, I explained this strange situation.

  He looked at teh wall, then back to me and said, "Well, I don't know about the smoke alarm, but you've managed to take the doorbell apart."

  [FONT size=1]Charleen Phelps, Courtenay, B.C.[/FONT]

[Michel]

lol (she better never divorce...)

[P.C.]

That Little Johnny !

   [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial color=black size=2][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; 10pt: "]Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing [?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /][ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] playground and going into [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] woods.

Curious, he follows [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mo[ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME]r excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] playground and I saw Daddy's car go into [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME]n he helped her take off her shirt, [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME]n Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME]n Aunt Jane laid down on [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] seat, [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME]n Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] rest of it for supper time. I want to see [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] car driving into [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] woods, [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] undressing, laying down on [ST1:PERSONNAME w:st="on"]the[/ST1:PERSONNAME] seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was at work"[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; 10pt: "][?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /][O:P][/O:P][/SPAN][/FONT]

 

[Michel]

[SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]Why Sentence structure is so important..[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]

[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    The boss had to fire somebody, and[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    he narrowed it down to one of two[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    people, Debra or Jack. It was an[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    impossible decision because they[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    were both super workers. Rather[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    than flip a coin, he decided he would[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    fire the first one who used the water[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    cooler the next morning.[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]

[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    Debra came in the next morning[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    with a horrible hangover after[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    partying all night. She went to the[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    cooler to take an aspirin.[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]

[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    The boss approached her and said:[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    "Debra, I've never done this before[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    but I have to lay you or Jack off."[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]

[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    "Could you jack off?" she says. "I[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]    feel like shit."[/SPAN]

[Michel]

14, 21, 22 and 23 made me lol

   [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana size=1][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]Words of Wisdom

==============

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like. Night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.  

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

21 What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"

25. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Tahoma size=2][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"] [?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

[P.C.]

Those are great!   They sound like Steven Wright.

[Michel]

Let's take medicine now... lol

   [FONT face=Tahoma]Make sure you don't catch the virus....
[/FONT]
[FONT face=Tahoma]There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreation-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.[/FONT]
[FONT face=Tahoma][/FONT]

[purelife]

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES

Say the words out loud.

[span]1) That's not right.....................[/span][div class="walltext"][wbr][span class="word_break"][/span].... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? . Hu Yu Hai Ding
[span]3) See me ASAP......................[/span][wbr][span class="word_break"][/span]. Kum Hia Nao
[span]4) Stupid Man.......................[/span][wbr][span class="word_break"][/span].... Dum Fuk
[span]5) Small Horse.....................[/span][wbr][span class="word_break"][/span]...... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach? . Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table....... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet.... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone.......... No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week....... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight................. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile.... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...... Yu Stin Ki Pu
[span]16) Great.....................[/span][wbr][span class="word_break"][/span]................ Fa Kin Su Pah[/div]  

[49er]

 
 Tat So Fa Kin Fun Ne

[P.C.]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that
  can store and play music in women's breast implants.

  The iTit  will cost  between $499 and $599 depending on size.

  This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always
  complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[purelife]

 [TABLE class=MsoNormalTable id=INCREDIMAINTABLE style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD id=INCREDITEXTREGION style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"]  [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial color=navy size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]Something to laugh at......[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] [?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

 [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial color=navy size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"][o:p] [/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

 [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial color=navy size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"][o:p] [/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



  [P class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]Subject:[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] Birth order of children[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

[/DIV]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

 [TABLE class=MsoNormalTable style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"]  [TABLE class=MsoNormalTable style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"]  [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT size=5][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt"]BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN[/SPAN][/FONT][o:p][/o:p]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN  confirms your pregnancy.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] _____________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Preparing for the Birth:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,  breathing didn't do a thing.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] The Layette:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and  fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard  only the ones with the darkest stains.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Worries:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up  the baby.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your  firstborn.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical  swing[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Pacifier/dummy[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you  can go home and wash and boil it.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with  some juice from the baby's bottle.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Diapering/nappy changing[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need  it or not.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain  about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Activities:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby  Story Hour.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] Going Out:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call  home five times.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a  number where you can be reached.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees  blood.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] At Home:[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older  child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] ______________________________________________________[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]Swallowing Coins (a favourite):[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]1st child:When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the  hospital and demand x-rays.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for  the coin to pass.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]



 [P class=MsoNormal style="mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto"][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"] 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his  allowance![o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

[/DIV][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE][/DIV][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE][/DIV][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE]

[Lise]

49er wrote:
 
Tat So Fa Kin Fun Ne[/DIV]
     What's that mean??