Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[49er]

[SPAN style="FONT: 10pt Tahoma; COLOR: #000000"]WAL-MART APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75 year
old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in [SPAN id=lw_1186783675_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; HEIGHT: 1em"]Arkansas[/SPAN].
They hired him because he was so funny.....




NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:  Company's President or Vice President.  But seriously,
whatever's available.   If I were in a position to be picky, would I be applying
here in the first place?

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:  A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m.  
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job - no!  
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:  Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock! [/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT: 10pt Tahoma; COLOR: #000000"][/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT: 10pt Tahoma; COLOR: #000000"][/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT: 10pt Tahoma; COLOR: #000000"][/SPAN]

[purelife]

Thanks for that Walmart joke, 49er.  It's funny how you posted that because my coworker and I were joking that he was going to apply at Walmart (his last day is today) and I sent this joke (that you posted) to everyone in my dept.  THANKS!  I LOL'ed!

[49er]

[SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "][/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "][FONT size=3]Two old ladies, you remember them, Polly and Esther, are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. [/FONT][/SPAN][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]Polly: What in the hell is that? [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]Esther: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]Polly: Where did you get it? [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]Esther: You can get them at any drugstore. [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]The next day, Polly hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=black size=3][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: black; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; 10pt: "]! [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#800040][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #800040; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 24pt: "]
[FONT size=3]The pharmacist fainted.[/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 10pt: "]


    [DIV class=MsoNormal] [/DIV][/DIV][/DIV]

         [/SPAN][/FONT]    

[49er]

[SPAN lang=en-us][FONT face=Arial color=#333333 size=4]MORNING SEX
 
[/FONT][/SPAN][SPAN lang=en-us][/SPAN][SPAN lang=en-us][FONT face=Arial color=#333333 size=2]      [/FONT][/SPAN][SPAN lang=en-us][/SPAN][SPAN lang=en-us][FONT face=Arial color=#333333 size=4]  She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
      He walked in; She turned and said,
      You've got to make love to me this very moment."
      His eyes lit up and he thought,
 
      "This is my lucky day."
      Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her
      and then gave it his all;
      right there on the kitchen table.
      Afterwards she said,
 
      "Thanks,"
      and returned to the stove.
      More than a little puzzled, he asked,
 
      "What was that all about?"
      She explained,
      "The egg timer's broken."
[/FONT][/SPAN]

[purelife]

Good one!  LOL!

[Michel]

lol !!!

[purelife]

LOL, I guess guys only last for a while these days, huh?

[Michel]

I insist to tell you that I always burned my eggs miss purelife lol

[Michel]

Here's my modest contribution, not as funny, but hey, I'm at work...

   [FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=fuchsia size=7][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 36pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]A Bottle of Wine[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"][img id=MA1.1169612351 height=32 alt=[] src="cid:013501c7dd35$07f6abc0$67ff8948@dnv" width=32 DATASIZE="82830" XWIDTH="1281" XHEIGHT="3"][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"] [?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=Section1] [P class=MsoNormal style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
 [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
  For all of us who are married, were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren't married, this [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:
  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 Sally was driving home from one of her business [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=4 000][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into[FONT color=fuchsia][SPAN style="COLOR: fuchsia"] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=#420000][SPAN style="COLOR: #420000"]
the car.  [/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
  Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
woman just sat silently, looking intently at[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia"] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 "What in bag?" asked the old woman.   [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."    [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two.    [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
  Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:   [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=fuchsia size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: fuchsia; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=#420000 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #420000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
 "Good trade."[/SPAN][/FONT]

[/DIV]

[Michel]

oho this one is not politically correct.

 
[SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]and[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]told[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]the[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]trays[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]up, that would be super."[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]rather[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]over[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]main[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]man can pitty-pat us on the ground."[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]Princess and I take orders from no one."[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]beat,[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my countr y I'm called a Queen, so I out rank[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Unicode MS'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]you.[/SPAN]

[Michel]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to[SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"]  [/SPAN]the [?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two buddies[SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"]  [/SPAN]sitting [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget[SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"]  [/SPAN]about the [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We[SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"]  [/SPAN]have a [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's[SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"]  [/SPAN]9:30 [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"]already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]kill the pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

[SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"][SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"] [/SPAN]The man turned to his wife, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."[/SPAN]

[49er]

purelife wrote:
LOL, I guess guys only last for a while these days, huh?[/DIV]
 my excuse......she's so hot, I just couldn't hold back  

[Michel]

hehehe

  [SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"]THE ULTIMATE BLONDE JOKE
 
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street
and  pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her
flowers. The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is
buying  me  flowers again."
 
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like
getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
 
The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has
expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like
spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
 
The blonde says: ."Don't you have a vase?" [/SPAN]

[Lise]

MICHEL!!!

  [H1]Egg[/H1]What are the four worst things about being an egg?      You only get hard once
you only get laid once
you only get eaten once
and the only one who sits on your face is your mother[!-- This page was viewed on Buzzle.com on 8/13/2007 4:20:23 PM. More info: URL accessed: vny!://www.buzzle.com/editorials/8-4-2005-74210.asp vny!_USER_AGENT: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1) REMOTE_ADDR: 216.232.63.170 REMOTE_HOST: 216.232.63.170  Copyright 2000 Buzzle.com All rights reserved --]

[Michel]

lol what did I do again ? ah ah !