Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[Lil Me]

LITTLE TONY ON RELATIONSHIPS
                          A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds
                          sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how
                          many will be left?' She calls on little TONY.
 
                          He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the
                          first gunshot.'
 
                          The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but
                          I like your thinking.'
 
                          Then little TONY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
 
 
                          There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice
                          cream:
 
                          One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
                          scoop of ice cream   The second is gobb ling down
                          the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting
                          off the top of the ice cream.   Which one is
                          married?'
 
                          The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,
                          'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the
                          top and sucked the cone.'
 
                          To which Little TONY replied, 'The correct answer
                          is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like
                          your thinking.'
 
 
                                         LITTLE TONY ON MATH
                          Little TONY returns from school and says he got an
                          F in arithmetic.
 
                          'Why?' asks the father?
 
                          'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6',
                          replies TONY.
 
                          'But that's right!' says his dad.
 
                          'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
 
                          'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.
 
                          'That's what I said!'
 
 
 
                                        LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
                          Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says,
                          'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
                          class. Does anybody have an example of a
                          multi-syllable word?'
 
                          TONY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
 
                          Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little TONY,
                          that's a mouthful.'
 
                          Little TONY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're
                          thinking of a blowjob.'
 
 
                                        LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
                          Little TONY was sitting in class one day.
                          All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
                          He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a
                          piss!!'
 
                          The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the
                          proper word to use in this situation.
                          The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
                          Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence
                          correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
 
                          Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says,
                          'You're an eight, but if   you had bigger tits,
                          you'd be a TEN !'
 
 
                                   LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
                          One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
                          teacher asked for a show of hands from those who
                          could use the word 'beautiful' in the same
                          sentence twice.
 
                          First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
                          with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful
                          dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
 
                          'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then
                          called on little Michael.
 
                          'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it
                          turned out beautifully.'
 
                          She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher
                          reluctantly called on little TONY.
 
                          'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my
                          father that she was pregnant, and he said
                          'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''
 
 
                                     LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
                          Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching
                          on one candy bar after another.
                          After the 6th one a man on the bench across from
                          him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy
                          isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot
                          your teeth, and make you fat.'
 
                          Little TONY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be
                          107 years old.'
 
                          The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy
                          bars at a time?'
                          Little TONY answered, 'No, he minded his own
                          f....... business.
   

[Michel]

   
 

[Lil Me]

Little Stevie was staying with his grandmother for a few
 days. He'd been  playing outside with the other kids for a
 while when he came into the house  and asked her, "Grandma,
 what is that called when two people are sleeping in  the
 same room and one is on top of the other?"
 She was a little taken  aback, but decided to tell him the
 truth."
 
 It's called sexual  intercourse, darling."
 Little Stevie just said, "Oh, OK." and went back  outside to
 talk and play with the other kids.
 
 A few minutes later he  came back in and said angrily,
 "Grandma it is not called sexual intercourse!   It's called
 bunk beds-- and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"*
   

[Gopher]

ROFL!

[Michel]

   
 

[Lil Me]

[font class="body" face="sans-serif" size="2"]  How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
 Wi' Jammin
 What does Bob Marley say to his friends when he buys doughnuts?
 Hope you like Jammin too.[/font]  

[purelife]

.

[49er]

[FONT size=5][FONT face=Tahoma][SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1212091263_27 style="BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed"]The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly[/SPAN] Side of Life [/FONT][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]


1. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your wife is pregnant. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2] it's triplets. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]You had a vasectomy five years ago. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

2. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your wife's not talking to you. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]She wants a divorce. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]She's a lawyer. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

3. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your youngest son is finally maturing. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]He's involved with the woman next door. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]So are you. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

4. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your wife and you agree, no more kids. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your wife can't find her [SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1212091263_28 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed"]birth control pills[/SPAN]. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.  [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

5. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your oldest son understands fashion. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]He's a cross-dresser. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]He looks better than your wife. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

6. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]You give the "birds and bees" talk to your 10 year old daughter. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]She keeps interrupting. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]With corrections.  [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

7. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your son is dating someone new. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]It's another man. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]He's your best friend. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=3]

8. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Good: [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your 15 year old daughter got a new job [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Bad:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]As a hooker. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Ugly:[/FONT][FONT size=3] [/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2]Your co-workers are her best clients. [/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=red size=2]
Very Ugly:[/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2] She makes more money than you do[/FONT][FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3]
[/FONT] [FONT color=blue size=3]**************************************************************************************************


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 [TABLE id=mod_EDIMAINTABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD id=mod_EDITEXTREGION dir=ltr width="100%"] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT face=Verdana size=1][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/DIV][FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][/FONT][/FONT] [DIV class=EC_EC_MsoNormal style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center][FONT id=EC_EC_role_document face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size=2][FONT face=Verdana size=1]         [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] The  body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] "What  a Great[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] Chest  you have!"[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]             [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]             [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
 
 [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] He  tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby."  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]    [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]    
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]    
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6]He  takes off his pants and the blonde  says,[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] "What  massive Calves you[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] have!"[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]                 [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]                   [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]                    [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
 
 [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] The  body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1]
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
   
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6]He  then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the  apartment screaming in fear. [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1]
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]

 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6]The  body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6] He  catches up to her and asks why she ran[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=#365f91 size=6] Out[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=6]  of  the apartment like that.[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]             [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]

[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]                    [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1]       [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]
 
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=1] [/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=7]Scroll  down.......[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=navy size=2]  
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2].[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=2]  
.  
.  
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.                        
 
   
[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=red size=6]The  blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite  after I saw how short the fuse was!"[/FONT][FONT face=Verdana size=1] [/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/DIV][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE][/DIV][/FONT]    

[purelife]

LOLZ!  I like # 5 from the good, bad, ugly joke.

[Lil Me]

[font face="times new roman,helvetica"]A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

 "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

 "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!" [/font]  

[purelife]

[FONT size=4][FONT color=#0000ff][FONT face=Tahoma]Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up,
This should make things a little bit clearer. [SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"][/SPAN][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][FONT face=Arial color=black size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
 [DIV align=center] [TABLE class=EC_EC_MsoNormalTable style="BORDER-RIGHT: 3pt outset; BORDER-TOP: 3pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: 3pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-BOTTOM: 3pt outset" cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=1] [TBODY] [TR] [TD style="WIDTH: 40%" vAlign=top width="40%"] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma color=red size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]@ PRISON [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="WIDTH: 59%" vAlign=top width="59%"] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma color=red size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]@ WORK [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You get three meals a day fully paid for [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You get time off for good behavior [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you get more work for good behavior [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You can watch TV and play games [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you could get fired for watching TV and playing games [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You get your own toilet [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]They allow your family and friends to visit [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you aren't even supposed to speak to your family [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You must deal with sadistic wardens [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]they are called managers [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]You can talk about Jesus, and even participate in Bible Studies [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]you'd better not talk about Jesus or bring a Bible if you want to keep your job! [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD vAlign=top colSpan=2] [P class=EC_EC_MsoNormal style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center][FONT face=Tahoma color=red size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]Is it just me, OR IS THERE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Tahoma size=4][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"] [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE]

[P style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center][FONT face=Tahoma color=blue size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]
[/SPAN][/FONT]

[Orik]

[font face="Arial" size="3"]5. [/font][font color="red" face="Arial" size="2"]
Good:[/font] [font face="Arial" size="2"]Your oldest son understands fashion. [/font][font color="red" face="Arial" size="2"]
Bad:[/font] [font face="Arial" size="2"]He's a cross-dresser. [/font][font color="red" face="Arial" size="2"]
Ugly:[/font] [font face="Arial" size="2"]He looks better than your wife.

lmao over this one... the prison and work  damn thats twisted... but fairly true and in work u only have to worry about soe one going postal and shooting u. in prisons its just getting shanked with some guys broken toothbrush

[/font]  

[purelife]

[SPAN lang=EN-GB style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-STYLE: italic"]Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year.[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-GB style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.[/SPAN]

[49er]

[SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]The Buffalo Theory[/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][/SPAN]

[SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]Cliff is seated at the bar describing the "Buffalo Theory" to Norm. I don't think I've ever heard[/SPAN]

[DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana color=black size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]the concept explained any better than this.[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=black size=1][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 7.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]   [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]  [/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][FONT color=#000000] 'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, the slowest and weakest ones at the back are killed first. This [SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1212798417_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed"]natural selection[/SPAN] is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=MsoNormal][FONT face=Verdana color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][FONT face=Verdana size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Verdana color=black size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"]  And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.' [/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV class=MsoNormal id=EC_u8CA7B7C8D6702F3-338-365C] [DIV class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt"][FONT face="Times New Roman" color=black size=3][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][/DIV][/SPAN][/FONT]

[P.C.]

That sounds like a viable explanation.  

  Cheers......  I think I'll go grab a brain.  [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/nahrung/a025.gif[/img]