Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[comedy]

[a href="vny!://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OMGz-64wPM"]On Jesus[/a]

[a href="vny!://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28HnJ_mVsFs"]Tomatoes are not a Fruit[/a]

[Michel]

   

[Michel]

     [span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"] [/span]

[Russ]

Those baby pics are HILARIOUS.. I think I would be in the bad columns on some of those though.. LOL!

  Russ

[Michel]

   

[Russ]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'you know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.

' WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can just stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios.'

[P.C.]

  HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAHAHAHHAAA !!!!!!  

[49er]

[FONT face=Tahoma color=blue size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"][A title=vny!://?? href="vny!://??" target=_blank][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" size=6][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 24pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]Garfield[/SPAN][/FONT][/A] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=blue size=6][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]on the oil crisis[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] [/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"][/SPAN][/FONT]

 [FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=blue size=6][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]A lot of  folks can't understand how we came to have an  oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's  a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody  bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just  didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason  for that is purely geographical
~~~
Our OIL is  located in

Alaska
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal  Florida
~~~
Coastal  Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
and
Texas
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Tahoma color=navy size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=red size=6][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]Our[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" size=6][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]

[FONT color=red][SPAN style="COLOR: red"]DIPSTICKS [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red][SPAN style="COLOR: red"]are located  in[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red][SPAN style="COLOR: red"]Washington[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=red][SPAN style="COLOR: red"], DC[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=red][SPAN style="COLOR: red"]!!![/SPAN][/FONT]


[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=blue size=6][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]Any Questions  [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face="Comic Sans MS" size=6][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"]

NO? I didn't think So.[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; BACKGROUND: white; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"] [/SPAN][/FONT][!--NOVELL_REWRITER_ON--]

 
[/SPAN][/FONT]

[Michel]

     
 

[Michel]

 [span style="font-family: 'Courier New';"]    
[/span]

[Michel]

           

[P.C.]

Love the ones with the kids Michel...hahhahah  Out of the mouths of babes.

[Michel]

    [span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-style: italic;" lang="EN-US"][/span]

[P.C.]

omg....that was my fave too Michel.  HAHAHAHAAAA

[49er]

[SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH?[/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]  [/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 7.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"]

Two hillbillies walk into a bar.  While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.  
 
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.  After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.  One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"  
 
The woman shakes her head no.  
 
Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"  
 
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.  
 
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.  The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.  As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.  
 
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!" [BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"][BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"][/SPAN]