Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

[Russ]

A recent study found the average American golfer walks about 900 miles a
Year.

Another study found American golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of
beer a Year.

That means, on average, American golfers get about 41 miles to the
gallon.

[Russ]

Johnny, a city boy is visiting the county fair. As he walks into the sheep barn, the Johnny sees one of the country boys with a pail of small black pills.

Johnny asked, "What are those?"

The country boy replied, "Those is smart pills."

Johnny said, "Can I have one?"

"Sure" said the country boy.

Johnny put the smart pill in his mouth and then quickly spit it out.

"That tastes like shit!", Johnny exclaimed.

"Now you're getting smart."

[Michel]

[span style="font-family: Verdana;"]    [/b][/span]

[P.C.]

Those are excellent Michel.

  This is classic bureaucracy at its absolute best.

  [FONT face=Verdana color=#3f8080 size=4]"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." [/FONT][FONT color=#8100ff][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #8100ff; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 13: "]
[FONT size=4]--Department of Social Services, [?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /][st1:City w:st="on"]Greenville[/st1:City] , [st1:State w:st="on"]South Carolina[/st1:State] [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=#3f8080][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #3f8080; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; 13: "]
[/SPAN][/FONT]

[Lise]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.  She went on and on and on; neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.   Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.  The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'   The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'  [!-- DBNUM: 27102 --]  

[Lise]

 What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women!
[/DIV]

[Gopher]

What women think men know about women is even thinner.

[Michel]

   

[Michel]

 [font face="Arial"]    [/font]
 

[Michel]

 [span style="font-family: 'Abadi MT Condensed';" lang="EN-US"]    
[/span][div][p class="MsoNormal"][font face="Abadi MT Condensed"][span style="font-family: 'Abadi MT Condensed';" lang="EN-US"][/span][/font][span lang="EN-US"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p][/div]

[purelife]

[font face="Arial"]"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you
to after dinner."[/font]

LOL...I don't think I've heard or read of that pick up line!  

[Michel]

[span style="font-family: Tahoma;"]   [/span]

[Michel]

 [font size="5" color="#000066" face="Arial"][span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-family: Arial;"]   [/span][/font][font size="5" color="#000066" face="Arial"][span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-family: Arial;"][/span][/font]

[Michel]

  [div][span style="font-family: Arial;"]  
[/span][/div]

[Russ]

A few days ago I was having some work
done at my local garage. A blonde came in
and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all
looked at each other, and another customer
asked, "What's a seven-hundred-ten?" She
replied, "You know, the little piece in the
middle of the engine. I've lost it and I need
a new one..."


She replied that she didn't know exactly
what it was, but this piece had always
been there. The mechanic gave her a piece
of paper and a pen and asked her to draw
what the piece looked like. She drew a
circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He
then took her over to another car which
had its hood up, and asked "Is there a 710
on this car?" She pointed and said,
"Of course, it's right there."


If you're not sure what a 710 is, look below.
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[img alt="" src="http://www.pirate4x4.net/mstevens/uploads/710.jpg" border=0]