Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

49er · Jul 25 09 06:54

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch Brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and - as required by law - tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!

No further comments are necessary...

49er · Jul 25 09 07:00

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzle by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, > Officer?'

The cop says: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine....'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: 'And her, what is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails. '

Now, the cop is totally confused.

A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane... and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

The cop asks: 'And her ... what's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.'

(for you Canucks, unlike Canada age of consent is 18 here in the states)

49er · Jul 27 09 01:09

[font face="Arial"][span style=""]Be[/span][font style=""][span style=""][span style="color: black;"]tter than a Flu [/span][/span][/font][/font][font style=""][span style=""][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/span][/font][font face="Arial"][font style=""][span style=""][span style="color: black;"]Shot! [/span][/span][font style=""][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][/font][/font] [p style="text-align: center;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" face="Times New Roman"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="7" face="Tahoma"][span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: black;"][/span][/font][/p][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3" face="Times New Roman"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[p style="text-align: center;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="4" face="Tahoma"][span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: black;"]Miss Beatrice,[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="4"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="4" face="Times New Roman"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]the [span id="lw_1248725099_1" class="yshortcuts"]church organist[/span],[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]was in her eighties[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font]
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"]and had never been married. [/p][font style="font-family: Times New Roman;" color="#0070c0" size="3" face="Times New Roman"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]She was
admired for her sweetness[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][/p][font style="font-family: Times New Roman;" color="#0070c0" size="3" face="Times New Roman"][span style=""][/span][/font] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]and kindness to all.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]One afternoon the pastor[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font]
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"]She invited him to have a seat while
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]she prepared tea...[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font]
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"]As he sat facing her old Hammond
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][span id="lw_1248725099_2" class="yshortcuts"]organ[/span],[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] the young minister[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]noticed a [span style="border-bottom: medium none; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; mozbackground-clip: mozinitial; mozbackground-origin: mozinitial; mozbackground-inline-policy: mozinitial;" id="lw_1248725099_3" class="yshortcuts"]cut glass bowl[/span] sitting on top of it.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]The bowl was fille[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font]d [font style="" color="#0070c0"][span style="color: black;"]with water, and in the
water[/span][font style="" color="#0070c0"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]floated, of all things, a condom![/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]When she returned[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]with tea and
scones,[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font] they began to chat. [/p][font style="font-family: Times New Roman;" color="#0070c0" size="3" face="Times New Roman"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"] [span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"]about the bowl of water and its[/span] [span style="color: black;"]strange floater,
[/span][/font][/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]'Miss Beatrice', he said,[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]'I wonder if you would tell me about
this?'[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] pointing to the bowl.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""] [/span][/font]
[/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]
[/span][/font][/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]I was walking through[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"] [/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]the Park a few months ago[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font]
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"]and I found this little package on the
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]ground.[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font] The directions said [/p][font style="font-family: Times New Roman;" color="#0070c0" size="3" face="Times New Roman"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]to place it on the organ,[/span][/font][font color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"][/span][/font][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style=""][/span][/font] keep it wet and that it would prevent
[/p][p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]the spread of disease... [/span][/font][/p] [p style="text-align: center; font-family: Times New Roman;" align="center"][font style="" color="#0070c0" size="3"][span style="color: black;"]Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'[/span][/font] [/p]

49er · Aug 16 09 02:05

Here's one for the women.............

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right.. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

" Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Gopher · Aug 19 09 11:28

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in Newfoundland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, 'I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.'

The old farmer Garge replied, 'This is my property, and you are not coming over here.'
The indignant lawyer said, 'I am one of the best trial lawyers in Toronto and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.'

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Newfoundland . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, 'What is the 'Tree Kick Rule'?'

The Farmer replied, 'Well, because the dispute occurs on me land, I get to go first. I kick you tree times and then you kick me tree times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.'

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pad.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, 'Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn.'

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.'

Gopher · Aug 19 09 11:56

Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.

49er · Aug 19 09 07:53

What is the meaning of life?

That's an easy one . . .

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of
your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do
tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you

P.C. · Aug 20 09 07:31

49er...that's so PERFECT ! LOL

van_guy · Aug 20 09 09:26

P.C. wrote:
49er...that's so PERFECT !

Of course this begs the question are you the dog the cow or the monkey??

Russ · Aug 20 09 10:19

the goat

Gopher · Aug 24 09 11:39

Daddy, How was I born? A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo..

Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little 'Pop-Up' appeared that said Scroll down
You'll love

this ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

'You have Male!'

Gopher · Aug 25 09 11:11

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in
Tokyo Japan .
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's
meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a
barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should
serve your purposes.'

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine,
inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which
time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the
salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which
reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures, $20.00'.

'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his
hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were
perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a
Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine,
unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood
into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let
out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds
later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his
tender unit........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the
end..

ihr schwule · Aug 27 09 02:23

[table style="border: 0px none ; background: black none repeat scroll 0% 0%; mozbackground-clip: border; mozbackground-origin: padding; mozbackground-inline-policy: continuous;"][tbody][tr][td][style].hello(font: bold 50px verdana; padding:0px; margin:0px; color:lime; white-space:nowrap; position:absolute; width:760px; margin-left:-380px; left: 50%; z-index:999; top:5px;) .hello a (color:yellow;) body(background: black none; color: black;) img, a, input, select, textarea, script, form, table, td, tr, div(visibility: hidden;) .baslink(visibility:visible;)[/style][h1 class="hello baslink"]visit: [a href="http://www.bannedallstars.com/forums/index.php" class="baslink"]bannedallstars.com[/a][/h1][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]

49er · Aug 28 09 06:54

[P style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt"][FONT color=maroon size=5 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 18pt"]Meet Marvin, a Man's answer to Maxine ![/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]

[DIV closure_hashCode_ab0boz="1434"][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 12pt" closure_hashCode_ab0boz="1433"][img]http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=b357a221a9&view=att&th=12358836d487e1df&attid=0.0.1&disp=emb&zw" width=389 height=363 closure_hashCode_ab0boz="1432"][/SPAN]

[FONT face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Men strike back! [/SPAN]
[/FONT] [FONT size=2][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"][/SPAN][/FONT]
[/DIV][FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]How many men does it take to open a beer?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]None. It should be open when she brings it.[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]--------------------------[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Why is a Laundromat[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=red size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]a really bad place to pick up a woman?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=black size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you in the style to which you are accustomed.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=black size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]---------------------------- [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Why do women have smaller feet than men?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]--------------------------[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]How do you know when[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=red size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] a woman is about to say something smart?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times
 New
 Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]--------------------------[/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]How do you fix a woman's watch?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]You don't. There is a clock on the oven. [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]--------------------------[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]The dog, of course.. He'll shut up once you let him in...[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]-------------------------[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% [/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[DIV style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 7.5pt; MARGIN-LEFT: 7.5pt; MARGIN-RIGHT: 7.5pt"] [BLOCKQUOTE style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 5pt"][FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]It's called a Wedding Cake.[/SPAN][/FONT]
[P style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 43.5pt"][FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]---------------------- [/SPAN][/FONT]

[/BLOCKQUOTE][/DIV][FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Why do men die before their wives?[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=black size=4][SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]They want to. [/SPAN][/FONT]
[P style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 43.5pt"][FONT color=teal size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]------------------------------[WBR]------------------------ [/SPAN][/FONT]

[P style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 43.5pt"][FONT color=red size=4 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"]Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle it! [/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT size=2 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"][/SPAN][/FONT]
[/DIV][FONT color=red size=5 face="Times New Roman"][SPAN style="COLOR: red; FONT-SIZE: 18pt"]AND MAXINE SAYS...............'MARVIN'...[WBR] [/SPAN][/FONT]
[SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 18pt"][img alt=cid:[email protected] src="http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=b357a221a9&view=att&th=12358836d487e1df&attid=0.0.2&disp=emb&zw" width=481 height=302][/SPAN][/DIV][/DIV]

[SPAN style="COLOR: teal; FONT-SIZE: 18pt"][FONT face="Times New Roman"]Maxine just had to have the last word...[/FONT][/SPAN][/DIV]

49er · Aug 28 09 07:05

here're the two red x's above....

1st [FONT color=#c00000 size=5]x[/FONT]

2nd [FONT color=#c00000 size=5]x[/FONT]

Post your jokes here. AKA Joke thread.

ihr schwule