Messages

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[SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 24pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]A [SPAN style="BORDER-BOTTOM: medium none; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; CURSOR: hand" id=lw_1276222462_0 class=yshortcuts]Home Depot[/SPAN] Story..
[/SPAN][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing[/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.[/SPAN][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][/SPAN][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer,
her eye caught a beautiful [SPAN style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #366388 2px dotted; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; CURSOR: hand" id=lw_1276222462_1 class=yshortcuts]bathroom faucet[/SPAN].
[/SPAN][/SPAN][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?"
[FONT color=black size=2 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"]
[/SPAN][/FONT][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00.
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive faucet. It's certainly out of my price range"[/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN][/SPAN][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN][/SPAN][/SPAN][/FONT]

[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
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[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.  
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[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"      
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[FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt"]Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."      [/SPAN][/FONT][SPAN class=apple-converted-space][FONT color=maroon size=2 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"] [/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN][FONT color=maroon size=2 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"]    

  [/SPAN][/FONT][SPAN class=apple-converted-space][FONT color=blue size=5 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: blue; FONT-SIZE: 18pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"] [/SPAN][/FONT][/SPAN][FONT color=maroon size=4 face=Arial][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 13pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.
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.when grandpa babysits

 

.

GO Sharks!

Russ wrote:
Well we levelled the blasted shed. Looks great now........

 I wonder if roof is rigid enough to hold snow load if snow doesn't slide off

Orik wrote:
well it is 4:45 am. I cooking supper at 3 am..........  
    I don't think going to bed following dinner so soon is good...just my opinion

Natasha wrote:
..... Women (sometimes men) cook and clean on a regular basis. Just because they aren't receiving financial reimbursement  doesn't mean it isn't work.  
  Yea, but they enjoy doing it so much

will it help if there were more incidents to bring unit cost down?  Another view of program is that it is working to deter acts.

purelife wrote:

Oh, the leak is getting worse.  We constantly have to put towels against the wall.  It's so tiring to squeeze the water, put in spin cycle and then dry them.  We have to do this a few times a day.  So, it looks like landlord has to dig 6 feet down at their backyard to find the problem and fix it.  It's gonna take a few good weeks to get it done because they're not hiring anyone since they can't afford the $.

 is leak from sewer line or water line?....go to hardware store and buy a test kit (solution) if you not sure.  If it's sewer, press owner to have fix asap, if it is just water give the landlord a break if he is just renting part of his home out for additional income.  As a landlord myself I don't forget tenants who who are pushie and demanding when time to raise rents

LM@work wrote:
I'm boooooooored.

Somebody tell a joke....please![/DIV]
   ...OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!


An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.


The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'


...The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.


The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,


'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.


Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.


...'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.


'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.'


...The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'


The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

[FONT face=Arial]DAMN  FINE EXPLANATION


The  wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young  woman.

And  she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your
children!  I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right  away!'

And  the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can
tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll  be the
last words you'll say to  me!'

And the  husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home,
and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and  out
and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the  car.

I  noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three  days.

So, in  my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're  afraid
you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in  moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower,  and while she was
doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and  full of holes, so I threw
them  away..

Then,  as she needed clothes, I gave her the [SPAN id=lw_1259541541_0 class=yshortcuts]designer jeans[/SPAN] that you have
had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too  tight.

I  also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good  taste.

I  found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for [SPAN id=lw_1259541541_1 class=yshortcuts]Christmas[/SPAN] that you  don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you  bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at  work has a pair the
same.'

The  husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for
my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she  turned to
me with tears in her eyes and  said,



Please.. Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?[/FONT]

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said 'I want to be a [SPAN style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; CURSOR: hand" id=lw_1258678887_0 class=yshortcuts]movie star[/SPAN].'
 
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
 
 The agent asked, 'What's your name?'
 
The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.'
 
 The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into [SPAN style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; CURSOR: hand" id=lw_1258678887_1 class=yshortcuts]Hollywood[/SPAN], you are going to have to change your name.'
 
 'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,  I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.'
 
The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years....you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!  I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.'
 
        'So be it!  I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office.
 
        FIVE YEARS LATER... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
 
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
 
         'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
 
        Thank you for your advice.
 
        Sincerely,
 
        [SPAN style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed; CURSOR: hand" id=lw_1258678887_2 class=yshortcuts]Dick van Dyke[/SPAN]

Isis wrote:
So if I got those answers wrong...what does it tell you about me?

 
 It tells me that you're like me.....answering without fully comprehending the questions (I got them all wrong!)

Making a pumpkin pie

 

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#000000]Here are the answers in white font color....[/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff][/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff]ANS #1   IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND  YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE![/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff][/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff]ANS #2   HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??   (YOUR ARE LAST!)[/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff][/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff]ANS #3   4100...[/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff][/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff]ANS #4  HER NAME IS MARY[/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff][/FONT]

[FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" color=#ffffff]ANS #5  HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...[/FONT]