[font style="font-weight: bold;" size="4"]Will Murphy's Law, Stray Cats Lick Energy Woes?[/font]
SPOKANE, Wa. --- In an unusual alliance, the makers of Wonder Bread and the Conservative Conservation Coalition (CCC) unveiled plans for a project the two groups claim will one day revolutionize energy production in the United States.
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The novel approach is based on two common but previously unexploited natural laws. One is a well-known form of Murphy's Law which states that when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. The other law states that when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet. These two laws are set in opposition to each other by attaching a buttered piece of toast to a cat's back, buttered side up. If the cat is then suspended in the air, the two laws cause the cat to perpetually rotate. By building a device to hold the cat and capture this rotating energy, enough force is harnessed to drive an electric generator.
During a press conference at Steam Plant Square, Tom Dukich, lead spokesman for the project, announced the name for the new technology. It will be called the WunderKat. The name was chosen because of the association with Wonder Bread and the similarity to the term Wunderkind, a German term meaning young genius.
The alliance rejected a suggestion to name the new technology the Meow Generator after the experience with their Perpetual Eeek Generator. The Eeek Generator is a ratchet, wind-up device placed at traffic intersections that uses the momentum of stopping cars to wind up a large watch-like spring. Released when the cars speeds away, the spring then turns a generator which charges a battery that powers the very traffic light used to stop the car in the first place. Hence the name, from the 'eeek' sound a car makes when it stops.
"Because of the Eeek Generator's cutesy name it wasn't taken seriously. We didn't want the same thing to happen to the WunderKat," said Dukich. "Besides," he added, "the name Meow Generator might make it seem like the cats are being hurt. They aren't. I think that after they once lose their fear of falling, they rather enjoy making energy."
The Executive Director of the CCC, Russ Bush-Rush, told the gathering, "This project is a good example of how the private sector can respond to society's needs without government handouts." Bush-Rush is the new husband of the President's daughter, Laura Bush, and son of radio commentator Rush.
Guntar Watt, Wonder Bread's CEO, handed out lenticular postcards showing WunderKat in operation. While doing so, Watt claimed the project will make use of all the Wonder Bread that is old but, like Twinkies, never seems to actually get moldy. Luckily, Murphy's Law works just as well with toast that you really wouldn't want to eat," said Watt in response to a question about toast made from stale versus fresh bread. "Murphy's Law is just physics, so it doesn't know the difference", the bemused Watt told the press conference audience.
Avista Energy and the Renewable Energy Association did not return repeated phone calls asking for their reaction. Cheryl Lynn Sholander, Chair of the Utilities Commission in Olympia said, "Wunderbar. Wunderbar? Get it?" On Wall Street, Wonder Bread stock fell 13% following news of the announcement.
