Joke Of The Hour

[DDD]

The guy says, "Doc, I'm having trouble getting it up." The doctor examines him and says, "You'll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand dollars, or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?" The next day the guy comes back into the doctor's office. The doctor says, "What did you decide?" He says, "We're going to re-do the kitchen."

[Natasha]

 

[DDD]

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

[Natasha]

^ we take it you're speaking from experience?   

[DDD]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?""We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass.""Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer  said."But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.""Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!""Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind.""Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heartwarming lawyer story...did you?

[Natasha]

That's so mean 

[DDD]

vny!://www.demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/0812/women-balls-demotivational-poster-1230268413.jpg

[DDD]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

[DDD]

Sal Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."

The man broke down and sobbed.

The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just f*cking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

[Natasha]

Omg, that's horrible Kinda funny but very horrible.