Thank you Natasha. It is the little things you miss most.
Can I have you over to do my walls and floors as well. That is one of the things I miss about my health, I can not do the hard work any more =( When you need assistance to do your own grocery shopping because you can barely walk because of pain and fatigue.
I can't even stand in line at the bank for to long, with in 10 to 15 minutes the pain gets to be to much. I am in so much pain I am literately dripping in sweat and forced to sit down because my legs are shaking from the pain that is shooting through the thighs in to the toes.
I miss being able to do the small things, like getting up without pain or having the disks of the back lock so I can not straighten out. Or worse yet when the legs go numb and you end up losing control of the bladder because the nerves are misfiring sometimes it gets worse fall down because the legs just give way because they do not listen to the commands you are telling them the left one goes right the right one goes left.
I hate my life sometimes. It is so bloody frustrating at times being trapped in a body that won't listen to the things I tell it to do. thankfully I know if it ever gets to be so sick and so out of controll i have the option out of a nice peaceful drifting off into sleep and never awakening. I swore to myself i would not end up in a hospital bed on machines. and i wont. people ask ho0w myou think yo uwill die. i already know one of 3 things is going to occur
disease and body failure, possibly heart attack or stroke before things are out of my control I would rather go by suicide preferably by my own hand but assisted if it has progressed beyond my own means. I have 2 friends who have sworn if it comes to it they are willing to assist me in my method of choice when it comes time to go. 1 has sworn to steal the sail boat if needed first time i had laughed in quite some time when he promised that.
Time keeps moving I pray I will for as long as I am able.
