Guess what I just heard.
I heard that you must be logged in to do that!
Incredible, huh? I know, I know. I'm still catching my breath.
So, anyway - I spent a good day at the club yesterday & was reunited with Gladys, whom was looking much better. Especially in her new perm. She is such a wonderful person. I remember when I first met her, I just wanted to f*ck & toss her, but now that I have gotten to know her so well. I daresay that's the LAST thing I would ever do to her. I love her. Not as a girlfriend, but for the wonderful, kind herarted GOOD person that she is. She has had such a rough life, & yet somehow through it all, she still has this wonderful, big heart & wants to help people. She carries no bitterness - maybe I'm putting her up on a pedistal & maybe, in some way that's some kind of reflection on me. All I know is, I get a genuine sense of well being when I'm around her.
Speaking of being clingy (sort-of) I was accuses of being just that by Pam yesterday. In fact, she said a few things that actually hurt me. I sure hope it was in the name of therapy & not out of some need to retalliate for the prank I pulled on her. In any case, some of what she told me yesterday really hit home & she is right at least about my becomming dependant on people. Yes, I AM a lonely person & perhaps that lonliness manifests itself in my becomming clingy, but in Pam's case, it's because she has been such a wonderful Psychologist for me, & despite her outlining at the start, that I was to be her study case for her Practicum, I still feel I have gotten more out of talkinh with her, than I have gotten from all my visits with various Shrinks & Doctors in the past 20 YEARS. It really will be hard to see her go when she leaves next week, but here again - I need to be strong & independant & let go of the Apron Strings, like I am learning to do with my folks. Perhaps thats part of the basis of my dependancy with her. Subconciously, I may not be entirely willing, or ready to cut off my parents, so I may be seeing Pam as an alternate source of Security & comfort. Holy shit! Talk about insight! That may JUST be it, you know? Wow. DAMN - this writing thing can be SO therapeutic sometimes. So now, I have a new light in which to examine my attachment to Pat. Just what I need. More thinking.
Gladys treated me to dinner at this wonderful & intimate Italian resturaunt on Davie last night. It was wonderful sitting with her there. The food was good, but I was just interested in spending time with her & she even thanked me for accompanying her. If only she knew how much I enjoy her company.
