Sept. 4, 2005,
: About a month ago, I hit my low point. I was sleeping on the bus bench outside BIFF!, I won't even MENTION the Trans-Sexual episode! - then going home to my parents place for about
a week, only to have to change my mother's shit-filled commode & pull my father back into bed after he would fall out in the middle of the night.
I really don't see how much lower you could get.
Well, here it is early September, I just spent a week in a god-sent hostle that only cost me $24.00 a night, & while I hated the idea of having to share
a room with a bunch of snoring strangers, it was a helluva lot cheaper than $130.00 a night at the wallett-raping Motels I had been staying in previous, AND more importantly, WASN'T a bus bench.
Cut-to today. I am writing this on my computer at a music store, which my boss BIFF! - more of a friend really, not even the authoratative type, but he has
graciously allowed me to crash in his store, displaying incredible faith in me. Not only have I had the BEST couple nights sleep I've had all summer, but I'm finding
songs in the store, that I've been looking for for over 25 years!
I mean, I didn't even apply for any kind of job here, I just happened to meet BIFF! at the other hostle, who happened to know BIFF!,
who happened to need a computer guy & I, who have always loved music just happened to be looking for work, suddenly have this
brand-spanking new powerful system at my disposal at work, I am appointed I.T. guy, without so much as a boo at my credentials, I mean
seriously, how could one NOT beleive in god with all this good fortune? Add to that, the many friends I have made here so far, Nanaimo is just such a perfect fit for me.
So, here it is - Sunday. I am sitting in my barracks(room) here in Nanny,
& already I am questioning the wisdom of BOTH my weening myself off the dope
and moving here. This one guy, dave seems nice enough, but he's a little too
chummy for my comfort. He doesen't yet seem to read that I'm not really looking
for friends here. I made the mistake of announcing mein intentions this morning
to walk to 7-11, at which he quickly invited himself along. While he wasn't bad company,
I still didn't really want anybody along. That was supposed to my private think time.
& when I got to the mall & nearly had 2 run-ins with people who had the nerve to
either wait to use the phone I was on, or would saddle up next to me & use the phone beside mine.
The NERVE of these people. Does NOBODY own a cell phone in this god-forsaken Redneck town?
So, I toughed it out & finally was able to get some so called private time to leave my message
for Cakes, in which I realyed my irritation at people. Obviously I'm not in the best of moods here.
Yes, my beat-offs are back to their satisfying norm, but the trade-off, of course is my
is my irritability & general dislike of people once again. Should make
things interesting when it comes time to look for a new job.
Speaking of which - that time is comming VERY quickly. I estimate
a matter of weeks now. I've probably got the rest of October to bum around, but come Nov.
I'll HAVE to get a job, as my U.I. runs out after that. GOD, I PRAY I don't just settle for
the 1st thing that comes up, like I did this place - although I could do worse I suppose,
I still DEARLY miss my old place.
from ex-security chumps.
Scarred with Graffitti, she stood throughout the years.
Cholking grip of progress, raining bitter tears.
Long live the shack. Long live the shack.
Something,something .....
blah,blah...
And so in ten summers, we'll wonder Still Creek way.
To see you rise from ashes, to live another day.
Long live the shack.Long live the shack.
It's Sunday at 7:30 am & I have just listened to my daily messages of Cakes
going through the old tapes & I just felt like writing down the lyrics
to Long Live The Shack for some reason.
Theres no denying that Dan's detailed description in his messages makes me
yearn for those days of innocence, where absolutely nothing mattered.
My god, where DID 1989 go?
TRoday, I am just sitting on my bed here in Nanaimo, just living day to day
Knowing I'm gonna have to find a job & soon. In 9 weeks my U.I. runs out & I'm
gonna have to work again. Meanwhile, I'm getting along fine with my roomates here,
although I can't wait till Doug & Dave move out next month. I've already started exposing
them to the full dose of BIFF!, in hopes that they'll back off being so chummy.
I really don't want to get too close to anyone right now. Paul is enough
but what I REALLY wish is to meet a girl finally. I came close with BIFF!- so who knows?
Maybe the odds are better here. From what I hear, they're supposed to be.
Not much to report here, I'm just taking the day off & waiting for someone to put some
coffee on.
to investigate doug's charity scam. I figure I should at least
check it out, before I kibosh it. I owe myself that much at least. watched the movie: This Boy's Life last night,
courtesy of Paul. There were a couple of fight scenes, really violent I had to hold back
& restrain myself from biting in front of the guys. yes, even those
old habits have returned. I mean, there's just something about
men fighting. I don't know.
Ah for that sweet while where you've just downed your coffee & you're just waiting for the effects to kick in.
Thursday morning, Oct 27, 2005 & already I've managed to duck two people. While on the way back from the store,
I'm pretty sure Greg passed me on his bike, no doubt circling like a Vulture in search of his beloved BIFF!
& of course, the nanno-second I set foot in the door, Paul calls for me & I quickly inform Larry I'm not in.
Maybe I should just give in to my male adorers. Except for BIFF!, I've never had any females pursue me like these two.
Maybe they're tied in to my creditors. I wouldn't be surprised.
I stil can't seem to bring myself to go looking for work & I know why. I've become too comfortable in my current
situation & why not? All I have to do to get some money is remember to file a false 2 minute report via telephone
every 2nd friday & VIOLA! - instant $$$ come Tuesday. I know that I'll have to do something very soon & I've made up my
mind to go down to the Enjoyment office Monday.
I returned from the loveables Wed night (nov 2) & had an enjoyable crossing
on the chowican. There was maybe like 50 people aboard & unlike my previous
trip on the joke bay, where I did nothing, but sit in my seat the whole trip,
This time, I actually went to the cafeteria & indulged - deviating somewhat
from mein diet, however I did manage to excercise some restraint, whereby
I ordered the fries without the burger, as well as fruit salad & salad & a
a bran muffin. Of note, I noticed as we were pulling in, the Alberro was tied up at
berth #3 for some reason. Unfortunately, I couldn't take many pictures, as I was tied
down with all my baggage, including a garbage bag, carrying the rest of
my jerseys, which was barely able to hold together until I got out of
the cab calloway at which point, the bag conveniently fell apart.
Speaking of cabs, I was a little amazed when the ferry got in at 10:30,
& there wasn't a single cab to be seen. I actually had to call for one, as did many other people
which-of course, cause dme to go into a tirade about people not driving
cars & not taking a bus, I'm sure anyone within earshot knew I was nuts.
But I got home, to find the old boys still up, of course & I greeted them
& soon went to sleep.
THURSDAY(Nov 3) , was my action day. I awoke to the usual stirrings of 1 Douglas C
& decided rather than wait till Monday, I would go to the U.I. office today
so without even showering, I dressed, put on a splash of accidentally too much cologne
& waited outside in the monsoon for the bus. And, of course - when I got to the UI office
just after 8:00, I find out that it doesn't actually open till 9! - great! So now I have
to kill off an hour in the pouring cold rain & there just HAPPENS, by co-incidence to be
a coffee shop right across the street. I wasn't gonna deviate from my coffee diet, so I
instead, did go to the coffee shop on the waterfront, j-avawocky & ordered a wholewheat bagel
& token small cappucino, which I hardly touched & sat at the front window & witnessed
the wind & rain fury, which had cancelled both the harbourlinx & bc ferry sailings that morning.
well after an hour or so of sitting in the comparitively warm & cozy coffee shop, it was time'to get going, so I headed up to the
u.i. office where they promptly redirected me to an office further down the street, where I fille dout some forms
& managed to fire off my resume to nco. I really don't want to work there, but i figured it
would be a wise move to cover my ass. better to have too many options open, rather than too few.
Next, I was referred to Stephanie, who told me about this pay for training thing. wanting to investigate
this further, I then was referred to Nigel, whom took me into his office & closed the door.
Immediately when that dooe closed, I felt the the pressure of being in a job interview,
even though I actually wasn't, I still realized that when the time comes, to sit down for
a real one, I'm gonna miss the dope.
I'm still not sure just exactly what transpired in that meeting, but I think I started the process
of signing up for the paid training thing, which ultimately, i hope will extend my u.i.
i never thought i'd find myself shilling for a charity. but that's xactly what i found myself doing today.
credit 1 douglas c for working on me long enough to make it seem palatable.
you'll only have to stand & hold a box, is how he presented it. somewhat like the impression muffy gave me back in '92
where he was able to goof off all night & record at cakes's place. well just like back in '94, I was brought back down to earth when i actually tried it.
there i was. in the freezing, blowing cold rain, doing something that was SO not me.
i tried to look comfortable, but i was soaled, i was wet & I was cold. i'm sure the only reason i got anything
was people took pity on me for being so courageous.
well, as unpleasant an exprience as it was, after saying: "Hi there - we're helping children with cerebral palsy today."
& feeling so imsencere, doug finally showed up, after what seemed an eternity, but astonishingly, turned out was just over 2 hours!
I actually had a bit of a lesson in generosity, as people were surprisingly generous. whether it was because i did such a good job, or
they were just of a charitable nature - I don't know, but despite all this, I managed to raise about $120.00. not bad for someone who only spent a couple of hours &
basically had no idea what he was doing. But when doug showed up around 2 pm & decided to close up shop,
I was so greatful. That was the HARDEST couple of hours work i have ever put in, in my life. I don't know if I could ever go through that again, even though I took home nearly $40.00
for my suffering. that's my first taste of volunteer work.
and to think, I always thought volunteers never got paid for what they did. i know so little about this world.
so, i get home & almost immediately jump into a semi-hot bath, when the other doug, douglas c has some visitors. I could hear them, through the paper thin walls, telling him
how he better watch out, because "Dimitri" was after him. Ultimately realizing, I was gonna have to meet these guys, as it was clear,
they were intent on settling in for the long term, I made my bold entrance & soon won their favor. well of course, the beer & dope soon started flowing & soon we had a full-blown party on our hands.
pretty tame really, but the fact there were so many substances around, made it evil.
so I fraternized with the constructicons & at least won their inebriated respect, no matter how temporary.
Still, it's good to know, that at least I didn't make any new enemies. & as a capper, I put on my famous drunk act for douglas c
& have just completed a dramatic "run to the bathroom" for effect. He seems to buy it
& my hope is for him to be so pissed at those guys for "making me fall off the wagon" that he'll tell larry & make sure they never come around again.
- ain't I a stinker?
Greg is a f*cking psycho-stalker. He ACTUALLY came here, again today at his regularly scheduled hour between 8 & 9 pm as he's been doing now for every 2 days for a month & actually made his way right to my room & opened the door TO MY ROOM to see if I was home. This has got to stop. I've never felt threatened in this way in my life, but now I've got this idiot that just WON'T TAKE A f*ckING HINT!!!
Any normal individual would have gotten the message & f*cked off by now, but when you come calling every 2nd day & intrude right into my room - I'm sorry, but you need help. This is getting to be a real pain in the ass, not only for myself, but the guys here are getting pretty sick of it & it's only a matter of time now, before my hand will be forced to congront Greg & tell him to just f*ck-off.
IN other news, it's now day 8 of my diet & excercise plan, & althoughI had ambitions to stop off at Nanaimo Illitreracy then go to the academy of learning, it didn't turn out that way. I had a "breakfast" of 1 bananna then walked to N.I. where I spent 3 hrs, thanx to their ridiculously slow bvandwidth & when I was done, it was just before noon. Well, I headed for the bus stop, with the intention of finding this place, but instead, I found myself walking back home, having a quick toss to the possibility thst Jo_ann(another person who doesn't know when to take a hint) was back in town & what fantastic sex we might have if we were to meet up. Keeping faith with my plan, I then biked to the vide store & invested $25.00 in 10, well (2) movies really plus 8 star trek episodes. It seemed like a worthwhile endevour.
Next I biked to the sally ann & frittered about. I amy be reading too much into it, but a grey, lonh haired employee there gave me a special greeting. She has an ok ass, but she must be at least 50. Still, if I thought there was an opening, I'd f*ck her.
So, I completed my excercise for the day & biked back home, with a token pair of headphones in hand & made a dinner of soup & veggi's & of course, as I said at the start, Greg made his intrusion around 8:30. f*ck! I just get steamed thinking about it. Why me? Why must all the losers in the universe gravitate towards me?? I mean, SERIOUSLY. What IS it about me?
DIET & EXCERCISE DAY # 8
I awoke early, as usual & after a bananna, decided to get an early start on my biking, so I rode down to the pub & back up Bruce for a good 20 min workout. I returned home, showered & after discovering I made an error in my bus schedule estimation, I made a rather hasty walk into town , where I attended the info session on this paid-for-education thing. I discovered a few more barriers to my plan - speaking of which, I am beginning to question that now. I mean really - all I'm looking for is a job I can attend & get rugular pay for. And if it comes down to it, it looks like I could almost immediately have a job at Price security, as it appears they're taking applications.
So, anyhoo -I then followed up that session, which I had another positive interaction with 2 native girls there, not to mention which, I would have loved to f*ck our instructor, Sandra. She had a body just BUILT for f*cking. And of course, she's already married. I estimate her to be in her mid-40's at least, but she looks like she works out.
Between meetings, I dropped in to see the "new girl" at the shop. She's anything BUT a "girl" she's about 85, she's personable sure, but I wouldn't f*ck her on a bet. She seemed nice enough & does indeed fit the tag of placeholder for Paul - she even said so her herself.
Next I proceeded on down to the waterfront, where I had a rather embarrasing situation develop. I thought I saw Frank driving a Swiftsure cab & when I did a doubletake, the driver, whom it turned out was NOT Frank - pulled over for me. When I had to admit to him that it wasd a case of mousetaken indemnity, he seemed disappointed & who could blame him? Of course now, it's little more than a trivial moment, but at the moment, I was going through it, it was mortifying to me. Here is a classic example of where the dope would have been helpful.
Next I went back to the office & met with Nigel Stentyford & continued my elimination round. I think I made it to the next round, as he assigned me a counsellor, which apparently you need to get on the gravytrain. Next I went to the care office & borowsed the net for a bit, before walking back home & taking in a tape of Star trek, got in another half hour of bike riding, before enjoying a supper of tomato soup, with noodles & vegi's. David was kind enough to make a salad, which I helped myself to later. I headed to bed early, around 8:30 & surprisingly - Greg didn't come knocking.
DIET & EXCERCISE DAY # 9
I awoke early again & after checking my Cakesian messages, biked for a good half hour, in the cold early morning. I tried Doug's gloves & he was right. They ARE a lifesaver. I'll definately have to pick up a pair for myself.
After a shower, I walked into town, my eyes keeping an ever constant vigil for any ho's. I'm convinced they've all moved onto Haliburton.
I printed my resume up at N.L.(Nanaimo Literacy), as well as did a token research into what coursed I may take, should my funding come through. I highly doubt that I'll qualify. At this stage, I'm preparing to go to Price Security, with the course being a pipe dream, but on the off-chance it does go through, I found the ideal course at The academy of learning. Only problem is tho, that apparently they (the academy) aren't a recognized institution as such, & if I was to take the course, I might not be able to do anything with my diploma. I seem to be losing focus here. Originally, my plan was just to take a course, any course just so I could remain on ui, however the idea of getting my A+ IS very appealing & it would open all kinds of doors for me. I really need to focus.
After N.L. I enjoyed a wonderful, but expensive lunch of chicken noodle soup at Lila's Deli. I never liked their prices, but the girls are nice.
After that, I headed up to the shop, where I hung out with paul for a bit, after which I went over to the CARE centre to fire off my resume & try to further help my case, by looking like I have been applying for all sorts of jobs, but having no luck.
Next, I walked back home & watched Star Trek again, for the 3'd time on the same tape. I really want to get bang for my buck with the movies I purchased AND I want them to last awhile, as it's gonna be a LONG winter without cable, but again - it's probably a good thing that I won't have such a distraction, as I really need to focust all my energy now on this project.
The weather was good, so I headed out for another little bike trip, during which I kinda broke down & bought another bag of chocolate alamnonds. I really needed them this time, I actually was DYING for them. Well,after another joyful outing, I returned home, put on Biloxi Blues again, convinced Douglas C wouldn't be back for the rest of the night, maybe more, I put on supper around 7, & of course, that's when they returned. f*ck, I'll be glad when those 2 leave, if - in fact they ever do. Oh sure, they're nice guys - but there's just something about them, that makes me a little uneasy around them.
Keeping my plan for my diet, I dined on a can of vegetable soup & veggis & found this surprisingly filling.
I had a real triumph of spirit today. What had originally started out as a phone call to the Academy Of Learning, to find out about their courses, turned out to be a visit, in which I actually took their entrance exam & passed with 80%!
