Too funny but true.
How To Survive Shopping With Your Girl
[FONT color=#696969]Message From Mars in The Soko[/FONT]
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[FONT size=2] [/FONT] [TABLE style="BORDER-RIGHT: #003366 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #003366 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #003366 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #003366 1px solid" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=4 width=403 border=0 table] [TBODY] [TR] [TD bgColor=#336699][FONT color=#f0e68c][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"][FONT face="Times New Roman"][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #ffff66"][FONT face=Arial color=#ffff99]The ladies love it and the men hate it.
Terence Fernandes looks a little closer and offers some very useful tips for the guys that are caught in the crossfire.[/FONT][/SPAN] [/FONT][/SPAN][/FONT][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]Did someone say shopping? And no we don't mean browsing through the isles of Best Buy or Home Depot. For guys to understand why women have such a innate desire to shop-till-YOU-drop (which usually won't take too long), we have to imagine that Gucci really means DE WALT and finding that perfect dress is like an over-time win in game 7.
It's not that guys hate shopping – we just hate the way females shop. In fact, guys in a metrosexual world have to adopt a non-bias philosophy toward shopping for themselves. Most males understand the trends and do their best to stay ahead of the game (just check out the Guys Room in TheSoko.com). Although keep in mind, women have been in the business for generations and we men are only recently picking up the different ways one can style a suit.
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[SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]Why Women Love Shopping[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]
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The general consensus among females is shopping is a means to an end. Women shop not merely for the latest trend, but also to "feel better about themselves" and "keep their minds distracted off relationship problems," as stated by a female fashion guru.
Ironically, it seems as though the source of a female's incessant desire to shop resides in complications with her male counterparts. Revenge? Maybe. And if an hour at the mall serves as punishment for something we did wrong, ladies you have picked the perfect poison.
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[SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]Why Men Hate Shopping (with women)[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]
[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]A little scenario: Cars – that's the first thing you see at a mall. Nothing but a sea of cars. There's no parking. So you spend 15 minutes driving in circles and the spot you get usually involves a 10-minute walk to the door.
Now you're in. You want to browse but there are people everywhere and you usually have to nudge past them simply to get a closer look at an item you like.
When you finally get what you want, there's even more waiting – this time in a long line-up similar to the cadence before receiving the Eucharist. All you can hope is that you're not in the line-up that's harboring an individual who's Visa doesn't work or can't remember his pin-code.
This is obviously the worst case scenario, but it is a scenario we've all experienced. And when I say we, I'm also referring to the ladies. So it's reasonable to say everybody hates this aspect of shopping, not just males. So there must be something else that makes us despise shopping, whereas women can look past this minor irritation and still possess an emotional attachment to this sex specific sport.
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[SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]Let's Face the Facts[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]
I could go on and on about how much men dis-like shopping, but I'd be wasting everyone's time. The fact is that men will have to shop with their gals from time to time. But there are a few ways to minimize the damage and make the whole experience a little more tolerable.
If it's a bit pricey
If she's concerned that it's too expensive, she probably doesn't want to buy it. But if you say it looks good she will just deliberate for longer before she places it back in the shelf. The solution is to find a fault in the dress. Something like you don't like the color, it's too loose, etc. Make sure you give her a secondary reason that will give her enough inertia to place it back on the shelf.
What to Avoid: It makes your thighs look big.
If it's too revealing
This is a personality call. If your girl likes to attract attention chances are she doesn't mind showing a little, as long as you don't mind either. In this scenario tell her she looks sexy and you'll be home in time to catch tip-off. If she is a bit uncomfortable but looks sexy nonetheless tell her so, and then say something like "You can always return it." (Just hope that your absent during the trip back.)
What to Avoid: It makes your thighs look big.
If she really doesn't look good in it but she really likes it
Chances are she's going to buy it. Just don't screw yourself by giving her your honest opinion and hope she's not wearing it when you need her to be your arm candy.
What to Avoid: It makes your thighs look big.
If she's looking for something in particular, (i.e. dress for a wedding)
Fake a sickness or say you're working late. If you're not the lying type, now is a good time to start. Do whatever it takes, because these types of things admittedly take a few weeks. As you can tell, I've been there and for the sake of your sanity avoid embarking on the pilgrimage at all costs.
Things to Avoid: It makes your thighs look big.
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[SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]Other Helpful Hints[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]
[/SPAN][I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #000000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]Before entering, make sure you mention a specific exit time[/SPAN][/I][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #000000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"].[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"] A useful strategy I frequently employ during my hour of need is to delay a trip to the mall until a major meal time. For instance if you go around 4:30, by 5:30 you'll be at the food court and by 6 you'll be in the car because she's too bloated to carry on the day's activities.
[I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"][SPAN style="COLOR: #000000"]Say you need to pick up a few things and schedule a time to meet up[/SPAN][/I][SPAN style="COLOR: #000000"].[/SPAN] Just bring some gum so she doesn't smell the beer on your breath once she's finished shopping.
[I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"][SPAN]Minimize boredom by bringing along a buddy and his girlfriend[/SPAN][/I][SPAN style="COLOR: #000000"].[/SPAN] While the girls are busy in the fitting rooms, doing what they do best, you and your buddy can carry on with what guys do best – start with the petite blond cashier and work your way down.
[I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"][SPAN style="COLOR: #000000"]Make a deal[/SPAN][/I][SPAN style="COLOR: #000000"].[/SPAN] Every minute at the mall must be compensated with a minute watching the game. If she doesn't like sports that'll be the end of "does it make my thighs look big?"
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[SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]really, it doesn't make you look fat[/SPAN][SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA"]
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So gentlemen, use these pieces of advice as best you can. They have served me well for many years and I'm glad I had the opportunity to share them with all of you. As for me, if this gets me in trouble it might cost me a day at the mall. Only this time my sleeve will be empty.[/SPAN]
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