Supposedly taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement.
[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.[/p] 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.[/p] 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.[/p] 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.[/p] 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.[/p] 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.[/p] 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.[/p] 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.[/p] 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.[/p] 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.[/p] 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.[/p] 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.[/p] 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.[/p] 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.[/p] 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.[/p] 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.[/p] 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.[/p] 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.[/p] 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.[/p] 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.[/p] 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.[/p] 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.[/p] 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.[/p] 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.[/p] 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. [/p]
