Help! My Wife has discovered Mom's Celtic Music Collection

[Sean]

I went to Jamaica and found myself a beautiful woman of the land.  A woman who would not remind me of my sour Irish heritage.  She sang Reggae and R&B, nary a crumb of Ireland did she remind me.  But, horror of horrors, times have changed.  She's listens to Mom's Celtic music collection, nags that our wee ones should not be deprived of half o' their heritage, incessantly playing the tunes of wretched Ireland to the point that I am becoming deranged.

[Lise]

[FONT size=5]The Young Irish Priest[/FONT]

[FONT face=Verdana color=#0033ff] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door: [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say ``He was stoned off his ass." [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, "Eat me." [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God" [/FONT] [P class=jokes][FONT size=2]14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's. [/FONT][/FONT]

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