merry Christmas and bah humbug
I am watching a Christmas carol for the 4rth time this year... so many different versions..
October 31 2008 I was rushed via ambulance from the medical clinic where i had gone to see a doctor and had collapsed just after entering the front doors... for what i thought was a very bad case of the flu, unbeknown to me i was in a critical life and death state with acute liver failure..
i had lain at home pumping my body full of all the worst things a person can for liver failure, thinking i had just a bad flu... damn... hot toddy's to warm the bones. Advil cold and sinus for the head ache and general pain malaise.. for my fever i took acetaminophen... and my blood pressure medication.. doing untold amounts of damage to a liver already fighting to stay working
i was in hospital in a near unconscious state running a high fever and a blood pressure level that was plummeting, bottoming out... not in a clear state of mind. I spent 27 days in the hospital most of the time unconscious cause of medication or complications from my liver...
at times i was confused not even knowing my own name or where i was times barely able to eat and a couple of times i had to even have help to bath or even go to a bathroom... i nearly died a few times. during all this time the hospital had made arrangements for a spiritual adviser councilor [a reverend actually and a woman at that] came as a big surprise for me i am so used to men being in that particular roll that finding a woman revrand just blew my mind...
mind u it could of been the morphine that drug makes things pretty trippy... being baptized into what i think is a protestant of the united church of Canada, all i can say is it's nice to see a woman taking on the role of a Shepard... leader of the flock if you will..they also offerd em the services of a head shrinker to talk to me about my feelings and about my emotions and shit... to help me deal with my anger and stress about dieing
lol now thats a joke right
? no one is ever happy to be told they r dieing... or that they r gonna die... that they meaning dozens of spetgwpdt blood patholigists etcetra....don't know why ur sick they dont know what has made u sick or if they can fix u up or not...the doctors not able to do shit is what botherd me the most we spend so damned much money in health care and i just found it enraging to me that they couldnt tell me what was wrong with me... well needless to say i refused the head shrinker but I happily accepted the services of the priest... (they do try to make u comfortable when ur dieing)
they dont offer laundry service or free tv. but u can rent a 8 inch tv at 60 dollars per fuc_ing week god damn thieving cunts... no available lounge for rec activities. mind i was to sick to make use of those kinds of things but it would of been nice to bloody well have them though wouldn't it... the patient lounge had been turned in to a make shift patient room for a contagious patient with mrsa or something cause of extreem understaffing and massive over crowding...
while very sick and dieing so while i was so very close to death i fell back on my faith of the christian church instilled in me since childhood, this was to bring comfort to my heart and soul while i thought (and more than a few doctors and nurses also thought) i would not live to see the morrow...
finding Jesus once more and coming home to the christian faith. spending hours in prayer and meditation not knowing if i would live or die...[font color="#4169e1" size="4" face="Arial Black"] coming home alive on Nov 26 th 2008 the day after i had written both of the following bits of [a href="vny!://www.discovervancouver.com/forum/people-God-t221362.html"]pro's over on dv ..[/a]. [/font][font size="5" face="Arial Black"]
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Nov 25 2007, 11:53 AM
i believe in god
i just don't believe in the church or mans image of god...
god is god . as we are, we are meaningless to god.
god is not compassionate
god is forever
therefor god is insane.
simply put
god was before the begging of time
god exists out side of time
god knows all.
therefore god has gone mad.
hence the reason we are slowly going mad.
we are becoming more god like with every passing day...
i foresee a time we will live forever... through science and will have no need of a god at all.
pretty scary to think we will all be mad by then
if we r not mad already
Nov 25 2007, 11:58 PM
what u call lucky
i call suffering through times of stress,
sorrow a experience of things i can do without...
having been through many of said times u mention.
calling on god is not like ordering a pizza.
god does not deliver.
however i do wish it was that simple
looks around
looks at wrist watch.
ahem god
I'm still waiting
looks at wrist watch.
the only faith i have left is in myself
i work hard to put food on my table
you can not rely on anyone or anything.
somethings just don't last
one day i wont even be able to rely on me
then i am seriously screwed.
no what u call god and faith
it is just a shadow
in a dark miserable life.
pulls cord driver and says driver let me off please. the next stop is mine
Destination
nowhere
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coincidence or a divine message from God ?[/font]