With the number of times I've been out of a job in the past 2 years, you'd think I'd be USED to visiting the E.I. Office by now.
As I was walking down to the office tho, I wondered: "How & where does someone draw the strength to get out of bed, let alone actually get dressed & go down to the E.I. Office, when you're in a depression & doped up on Effexor? I mean, I know that if I hadn't stopped for a coffee at Blenz on Davie, I just wouldn't have had the strength of will to go down to the E.I. office. Exactly the way it was when I lost my job in 2004, where Tuna actually had to take a day off from HIS job, & come & drag my sorry ass out of bed, just to get me down there.
Well, ironically, he was part of the forces responsible for me having to apply for E.I. this time, so I wouldn't be able to count on him comming to rescue me. He did enough for me in landing the job with his company. How could either of us have known that I would turn out to be Dyslexic & that I just wouldn't fit into the framework of the job he tried to provide for me. Thank god, we were both able to agree that when he had to let me go, we wouldn't let it affect our friendship. Although, I know he's disappointed that I wasn't able to stay on with his company & it must have been tough when Mitch told him to give me the axe, Mitch, knowing full well Tuna & I are best friends. Perhaps it IS for the better tho, as it definately did put a sort-of awkward strain on our friendship. I mean, I never knew, whether I was addressing Tuna as my boss, or as my friend. Mind you, our relationship has always been like that. somehow, I've always been in some sort of subordiante position to him. In my mind at least. I guess that's just one of the many indicators of how f*cked up I am mentally. I think I did the right thing applying for Disability, as my not being able to hold any kind of job in the last 2 years is a clear indicator of that.
So, here I sit, blogging my poor-me therapy for all to see, knowing that in the end, this is really just for my benefit, as no one will see this.
Thank god I'm able to write in such a way, that I can communicate my most inner thoughts. I know not everybody can be so honest with themselves, but I've come to realize at my age, that if you can't at LEAST be honest with yourself, there is no hope for growth.
