Can you have a mid life crisis at 20?

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 12:39

No joke. My friend doesn't know what to do with his life. His parents and family hound him constantly he's lost at what to do career wise. Sound mid life crisis-ish? lol. I told he's got to leave St. Louis. I don't know how to help him though. What should I do as a friend? He wants to go into music but his family says he'll go nowhere in life without college yet his sister who hounds him the most never went to college. Sound hypocritical? I think so. Especially when she got her job through nepotism.

I don't know what to tell him because I keep telling him what I would do if it was me. I keep telling him to go to this cheap college in Colorado that accepts everyone and 'find yourself'. Problem is I don't think he really wants to leave St. Louis. Which is funny because if he did he'd lose his over the shoulder constantly looking family.

What should I do? Right now he's on the wrong path (not going to school just looking for a full time job) but its not my life again and he's got enough people yelling at him.

Raver · Jan 26 07 01:20

Beyond telling him what you think, there's really nothing you can do. He doesn't sound all that different than a lot of 20 year olds. I think a lot of people at 20 have no idea what they want to do in life and really, if he wants to "find himself" this is about the best age to do it.

Living a hard life for a couple of years, by taking the kind of lousy job that's available to high school grads is a good way to motivate yourself into going back to school.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 01:27

I think he goes to me for advice because I've gone through what he's going through except I'm near the end of this 'lost' period while he is just beginning. Because 3 years ago I didn't have a plan at all for my life I had to get through some things and am still going for them but I found an overall purpose. He's not there yet. He hasn't really 'found' himself. I asked if he knew what that meant but he didn't know. I told him you'll know when you 'found' yourself but its hard to explain. I mean I can't explain it, you just feel it.

P.C. · Jan 26 07 01:48

This is not a mid-life crisis. One of the requirements to experience a mid-life crisis, is to be mid-life.

It's nothing more than 'normal immaturity' with a dose of no direction and maybe even a lack of ambition. I'd recommend to him, to go to a career councellor.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 02:03

He's been to a career person about a thousand times. Problem is his family. He's the youngest was an oops child all his siblings are in there late 20's to late 30's. For example he wants to move to California but his parents say its too liberal for him. In other words they treat him like a little kid and yet he says he hates it but then when I bring up moving he doesn't want to?

Problem with me is that he always is asking me what I think. I got really mad at him a couple weeks ago saying I've got enough problems and such. But then I realized I did the same thing a couple months ago to some people and I realized my mistake in being a hypocrite.

TehBorken · Jan 26 07 02:34

Sportsdude wrote:
Can you have a mid life crisis at 20?

In a word, "no".

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 03:03

well I didn't mean mid life as more as something like a mid life but its not a midlife because I'm or my friend isn't 40ish

Lise · Jan 26 07 03:14

LOL. Sorry, SD. Mid-life crisis at 20 years old isn't a real mid-life crisis.

At any rate, I would just give any support you can give to your friend and help him through. Just be there if he wants to talk.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 03:19

Thats what I'm doing. I'll be there for them but I said bluntly I'm not going to do anything for you etc. Problem with him is that he doesn't see things coming and then I go I told yeah so lol.

But when I got angry at him one night over a text message I immediately thought of what I was doing a couple months ago and realized I was wrong in doing that and wrong for telling him off sort of. Basically I saw what I was doing a couple months ago wrong because I was doing the same thing to people that he was doing to me. Get what I'm saying?

Lise · Jan 26 07 03:30

All I gotta say is just be patient, be his friend and don't blow your top off if he wants to talk. Don't know what else I have to add. Sorry.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 03:33

Yes I know when he wants to talk he can talk to me but it was just crazy, like 10 text messages a day of constant worry. What I meant was I was doing the same thing he was doing and I was wrong in doing it. So I wanted to apologize.

TehBorken · Jan 26 07 03:49

Sportsdude wrote:
well I didn't mean mid life as more as something like a mid life but its not a midlife because I'm or my friend isn't 40ish

Maybe it's just me, but I'm havng a hell of a time understanding whatever it is you're trying to say.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 03:52

Okay let me try again its like a mid life crisis but its not going on in the person 'mid life'. They are basically the same because they have the same question of "What am I going to do with my life" it just happens earlier.

purelife · Jan 26 07 06:35

[span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"] Sportsdude wrote:[/span][br style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"][span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"]Yes I know when he wants to talk he can talk to me but it was just crazy, like 10 text messages a day of constant worry. What I meant was I was doing the same thing he was doing and I was wrong in doing it. [span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 128);"] So I wanted to apologize. [/span][/span]
[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]You need to apologize to your friend, not to us. All you can do at this point is really be there for him and mean it. Being there means that you show that you care, with your heart.

And yes, mid-life crisis was the wrong wording. That doesn't exist at that age. You guys haven't even reached a quarter-life crisis. At that age, you guys go through an "identity crisis." What he is going through is verrrrry normal.

Sportsdude · Jan 26 07 09:34

the part about me apologizing is what I did to a couple people a few months ago. When I realized that I was doing the same thing I felt horrible and I wanted to say I was extremely sorry for what I did. Not that I got angry at a friend.