This was trip number something-or-other...I swear I'm not even sure anymore. 9 or 10. And it should be the next-to-last one if all goes well.
Before I say anything else, I've got to tell you that Cambodia in April is
really, really hot. It's murder. Hot hot hot and incredibly humid...you step outside and you're soaked in sweat in one minute, even just standing perfectly still in the shade. I mean it's just TRULY godawful hot and sticky and miserable. It's almost too hot to describe. But I'll try.
For what it's worth, it's
much worse inside of the Central Market- it's easily 115+ degrees in there and about 95% humidity. It's unreal, I simply don't see how the sellers can stand the heat all day long, stuck in these little booths, no wind, no breeze, no nothing. Some of them have a fan, but that's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic- a fan just blows the hot air around. If anything it just makes it worse.
I won't belabor the point except to say that it was really really hot...even my fiance was saying, "Oh, so really, really hot honey...". Look, when a native Cambodian who has lived in Cambodia all of her life tells you it's "so really really hot", you can damn well bet that it is, in fact, "really, really hot". Ugh. But enough of that, you get the idea.
Dante's JetwayAnyway....I did the usual Seatle to Taipei to Phnom Penh run and as soon as I got off the plane in Cambodia I realized that it was like, really, really hot. Oh, wait, I already mentioned that. The metal jetway was like Dante's Inferno with windows. Windows that let in sunlight, effectively raising the temperature to approximately that of the Sun's surface. But enough about the incredible, brutal, overpowering, mind-bending heat.
Diamond Earrings! I timed my arrival there this trip so I could celebrate my fiance's birthday with her, and for her birthday present I got her some beautiful diamond earrings.
She loved them and of course we had to go visiting everyone all over the city so she could show them off, lol. Unfortunately, the diamonds melted right off of her ears because it was really, really hot.
I also fell madly in love while I was there, but not with a woman. I became smitten with a cell phone. I saw the Motorola V8 Razr phone and before I knew it I had pulled out my wallet and purchased it. Then I fainted because it was really, really hot.
After I regained conciousness we went to my fiance's apartment. We had gone to this little store and gotten her mom a portable hammock. When it's really, really hot all you want to do is lay around, so this was the perfect gift, believe me. So we set the hammock up and I gotta tell ya, it was soooooo nice I was tempted to get one for the hotel room.
Hacking The Hotel RoomSpeaking of the hotel room, most of the hotels have a little card-reader thing by the door...when you go in you stick the hotel card-key in the reader and it turns on the power to the room. When you leave you pull it out and the power shuts off after 30 seconds or so. I wanted the air conditioner to stay on so that when we came back it would be nice and cool, because it was really really hot in Cambodia (I don't know if I mentioned that or not). So, I jimmied the power interlock on the hotel room so that the power stayed on even when we weren't there. Ha ha ha! Coming back to the room was like stepping into the Arctic Circle naked. In other words, it was wonderful. My fiance thought my little power-switch hacking trick was *very* *very* cool and she showed her appreciation in no uncertain terms. Heh heh heh. All that electrical engineering stuff I learned wasn't wasted after all!
Pick On White People Week Aside from it being really, really hot, this had to be "Pick On The White People Week" in Phnom Penh...I swear I could hardly drive 30 feet on the moto before a cop would wave me over and demand 5000 rials. They would rarely tell me or my fiance what we were being pulled over for, just that we had committed some infraction and we owed them cash. Sometimes they claimed we went straight in a turn lane (not true) or that we turned in a 'go straight' lane (not true) but usually there was no time wasted in explaining anythng other than that we owed them money. The typical fine was 5000 rials, but sometimes it was 10,000 or even 20,000. Lucky for them it was really really hot, or I'd have jumped off the moto and kicked the crap out of each and every one of them.
It got so bad that my fiance was scared to let me drive at all. Even with her at the helm we got waved over, again and again and again. I mean it was just f*cking blatant. One day they had 20 cops stationed at one street corner and they were pulling over everyone who a) wasn't wearing a helmet and b) who didn't have mirrors on their moto.
HELLO?? MCFLY, HELLO?? This description fits
95% of EVERYONE driving in Cambodia- you've seen the pictures- NO ONE wears a helmet and damn few people have mirrors on their moto. The cops made a fortune that day, as they had about 300 people pulled over at any one time. They collect the money and wave you on...no ticket, no warning, no paperwork, just "
Give me the money" (which goes right into their pocket) and then they'd tell you to go. They put the money in their wallet right there, no pretense that it was anything but a shakedown. And it seemed to me like there were a disproportionate number of light-skinned or caucasian people getting pulled over (my fiance pointed this out several times). Oh well.
The local paper also had a story about how a "drug dealer" shot and killed two policemen not far from our hotel. Bad stuff, right? Well, it turns out that the "drug dealer" was actually
another cop who had been arrested for something or other (it was never really clear what for). They handcuffed him with his hands in front of him and never searched him (DUH!)...so he reached into his pants, pulled out a Colt .45 automatic he had hidden there and shot five of his fellow officers, killing two of them. He later claimed he snapped and killed them because it was "really really hot". (I'm kidding, but it WAS really really hot that day. Coincidence? You be the judge.)
We went by the American Embassy to try and
prepay my fiance's visa fee for her interview next month (see below), and I must say that the people at the embassy are the
rudest bunch of bastards you'll ever meet. Maybe they were just cranky because it was really really hot, I don't know. All I know is that they treated us like shit from start to finish. As I was leaving through the security station one of the guards asked me if if I'd left anything there. I told him, "Only my dignity" and I kept walking. I left the embassy, went outside, and fainted because it was really, really hot.
Yes,
my fiance has her interview in May, so I'll come home, brush my teeth, and fly back to be there for it. Back-to-back trips with only a couple weeks in between....ack. On a brighter note, I introduced a good friend of mine to one of my fiance's girlfriends and they really hit it off. Soooo, my friend Jack will be going with me in May to get engaged to his sweetheart..
.
how cool is that? 
His fiance-to-be is a really sweet young lady and both my fiance and I are very happy for them. I'll let you know how that goes.
There's even the possibility of *another* friend of mine coming with us on the same trip....this other friend wants to meet my fiance's sister, lol. I suspect there will be another engagement ceremony before long because my fiance's sister is a genuinely lovely lady and could capture any man's heart in about 5 seconds. She's also really really hot. But not as hot as the weather in Cambodia in April.
Moto AccidentsNow, I've previously related in tremendous detail what a fantastic moto driver I am,
probably the greatest moto driver in Cambodia and
maybe even in all of Southeast Asia. Even when it's really really hot, which it was. So when I tell you we had
not one, but two moto accidents, I know that you will
not jump to the insane conclusion that I was driving when they happened. I was, in fact, NOT driving during these two unfortunate episodes. (Had I been driving there would be nothing to report except maybe a whole bunch of really exciting close calls, due to the fact that it was, like, really really hot.)
For the first accident, my fiance was driving along when we saw these two dogs running around in the street. My fiance screamed "
Kill the dogs!", accelerated toward them with an evil gleam in her eye and ran right over one of them! Okay, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that.
What really happened was that these stupid f*cking dogs were running around in the street and one of them turned and
literally ran right under the front wheel of the moto. It wasn't my fiance's fault, there was no way in the world to avoid it, the stupid dog just turned and *bam* went right under the wheel.
We unfortunately did not have the foresight to buy the kind of moto that's good for running over dogs, so the moto's wheel jammed, stopping us instantly, pitching both of us up and over the handlebars and into the street. (Yes, it hurt quite a bit, just in case you're wondering.)
We both got a good bit of road rash and some bruises. All these people ran over and helped us up and started wiping the blood off of us. The stupid dog ran off howling, so I couldn't even strangle the little f*cker. My prescription sunglasses got some very nice, artistic-looking scratches in the lenses and my camera got a bit banged up too. The moto got a little bent, but was still driveable. We were also a little bent but still drivable so we limped our way back to the hotel, put some ointment on our cuts, and took a hot bath. To add insult to injury, on the way to the hotel we got
waved over by a Phnom Penh cop and had to pay him 5000 rials. I'm not kidding- there we were all banged up, bleeding, our clothes torn, it's really really hot, and this dumb-f*ck cop waves us over and takes 5000 rials from us. So help me god, if I had a gun....
The second accident wasn't my fault either. We had just finished buying a huge container of that delicious Durian fruit, which is good to eat when it's really really hot (which it was, by the way). My fiance fired up the moto and I started to climb on. She started pulling away while I was only about halfway on, so I stupidly said "Wait wait!" and she stopped abruptly,
with the moto half on and half off the curb. This was not, as we engineers say, a "stable configuration" (duh) and so we toppled over into the street in a
very amusing fashion. Amusing to the people watching us, that is. I know this because
they were laughing as they pulled the f*cking moto off of us and helped us to our feet. Say hello to some more road rash, more bruises, and this time my glasses were a total loss.
Oy.
We decided to call it a day and go back to the hotel and not venture outside again. We took several hot baths trying to ease our bruises and scrapes. We'd had just about all the fun we could stand and so we went to bed at about 7:00.
We couldn't sleep because we were sore all over and it hurt every time we moved. Excedrin PM helped knock us out, but we still woke up feeling like cripples. Thank god that at least it was really, really hot.
So, I can report with complete authority that the pavement in Phnom Penh is every bit as hard and unforgiving as in the United States or Canada, so clearly the country is making some real progress in bringing their road system up to international standards. They even heat the roads internally so you get burned when you fall down (either that or it was just really, really hot).
Intermittent PowerSometimes the electricity just goes off for a few minutes and then comes back on. No one hardly even seems to notice. We'd be in a store, the lights would go out and no one would bat an eye, they just keep talking, paying for stuff, looking at merchandise, whatever. A few moments later the power comes back on, and like I said, no one seems to notice. I thought maybe I was having some weird-ass brain cramp because of the heat (I don't know if I mentioned that it was really really hot) but no, it's just a normal part of life in Phnom Penh. My fiance says it just happens sometimes, it's no big deal. I sure as hell hope the hospital where they do heart transplants has a backup generator.
Doctor #1: "Alright, you retract the periocardium tissue and I'll clamp off the artery."
Doctor #2: "I've got it retracted, go ahead and-" <
electricity goes off...zzzwoooooooomp,
everything powers down>Doctor #1 and Doctor #2 (together): "OH SHIT!!"
Patient: "Arrrrrgggggblurptphhhh...."
Nurse #1: "Hey, did you guys notice that it's really really hot in here?"
Blackened ChickenThere is a traditional Cambodian dish called "Blackened Chicken". It's delicious, and the chicken is in fact as
black as coal. I mean
jet black, through and through, bones and all. I don't know what they do to make it black, but it's reputed to ummm "
give you the POWER" sort of like V.iagra. Supposedly a lot of Cambodian men eat it when they want to show their lady a good time. My fiance mentioned it when I saw it on the menu and asked about it, so I tried it. It does in fact appear to
GIVE YOU THE POWER, and it tastes better than V.iagra (or so I would imagine). I asked my fiance if she knew how to cook it and she said (and I quote) "
all Cambodian lady know that recipe", lol.
The End Of Cambodian Culture As We Know It I'm sorry to report that a
Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise has opened on one of the main streets in Phnom Penh. I damn near fell off the moto the first time I saw it. I feel this is truly the beginning of the total destruction of everything good about Cambodia, namely that it has (until now) been mostly unpolluted by American "culture" like fast food franchises and mass marketing. It won't be long before McDonalds is there, and Burger King, Pizza Hut, Wal-Mart, etc etc and then the whole country will be just another merchandising outlet for American crap.
I'm not kidding about this, I'm very saddened to see this kind of shit happening. It was wonderful and refreshing to go somewhere and NOT see the Golden Arches, ads for Dominos Pizza, and all that kind of crap. And now it's coming to an end. Before long Cambodia won't be a foriegn country, it'll be just another f*cking suburb of Amerika, bought and paid for.
Cellphones And SIM Cards In Cambodia you can buy
ANY phone regardless of make or model, put your SIM card in it,
and it'll work. No ifs, ands, or buts. You
cannot do that in the USA or Canada. In the USA and Canada your phone *has* to match the carrier type network that you use, and it's easy to buy a phone that will not work with your cellphone company (and never will work, either). For example, the Nokia 6500 Slide phone cannot be made to work on the Sprint/Nextel network. It
doesn't work, it will never work, and no amount of f*cking around with customer service ninnies at Sprint will change that. It's a very very cool phone, but if you're a Sprint/Nextel customer, you're screwed and cannot use it. (Ask me how I know.) But in Cambodia it will work with any company and with any network or carrier. Thank goodness the US and Canada are so much more advanced than those primitive Cambodians! We can put a man on the Moon but goddamn if we can transfer a frickin' cellphone from one carrier to another.
Return To Honest WeatherWhen I flew into Seattle it was 50 degrees and raining. And by god I f*cking LOVED it. I almost stripped off my clothes and rode on the roof all the way back home. It was sooooo refreshing, I almost cried. But then my buddy who picked me up turned on the car's heater and I fainted.
Pictures A few assorted pics of the trip....
First of all, here is my lovely fiance blowing out the candles on her birthday cake at the Washington Restaraunt outside of Phnom Penh. Isn't she cute?
An here are her diamond earrings....
whoah baby!
Buying IceIn the morning everyone buys ice from the roving ice vendors..they take it home and use it. A lot of people don't have refrigerators, so this is how they keep stuff cool.
They just cut off hunks and people carry them off with a bit of rope tied through the hole.
Buying WoodA lot of people also don't have ovens so they buy charcoal wood to use in their stoves at home. The wood is delivered on a big cart and people pick out chunks to take away. There's often a bit of spirited argument over how much a particular bit of pre-burned wood is worth.
Here we see a gang of uniformed criminals cops extorting money from people making them pay traffic fines for terrible offenses whatever excuse they can make up. The typical fine is 5000 Rials (about $1.25 US)
Don't f*ck with the guards at the Central Market. Shoplifting may end up with you getting machine gun therapy. This guard has a
full-auto AK-47 casually slung across his back. (Even though it looks like they're discussing something really important, they were actually just playing cards when I took this picture.)
Scary ManneqinsNo trip would be complete without a bunch of
scary mannequin pics, right?
Girl, what the
&^#$! are those
THINGS on your head???
This is a WHITE person. Or a Vampire. 
Dude, what the %#$! happened to your HAIR??My fiance's sister, Reaksmey (pronounced "Reh-suh-may"), and mom at a restaraunt.
Reaksmey and mom at home.
"Swiss Watches"I bet you didn't know that Cambodia is the
Swiss Watch Capital of the world. This is in downtown Phnom Penh. I just thought this was funny (but it may have been the heat affecting my brain).
Wrapping PhonesIt's very common to wrap cellphones in plastic. It keeps them looking like new and protects them too.
It takes about 30 minutes to 'wrap' the phone and it's a very exacting and tedious process. This lady was very skilled at doing it- after my phone was wrapped you could hardly tell anything had been done to it because it was done so neatly. It's pretty slick.
They use a special plastic wrap and lighters and razors to mold the plastic to the phone following all of the little grooves and contours.
Here she is with a lighter heating the plastic before the molds it (by hand) around part of the phone. 
There was a whole lot of other stuff that happened, but the heat basically cooked the memories right out of my brain so I can't write about them. Maybe I'll come back later and add some pictures or something to this entry. Maybe.
In closing, I'd just like to reiterate that it was really, really hot in Cambodia.
