[DIV align=center]
True Story [P align=left]True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
[DIV id=rightContainerSub] [DIV id=rightLinks]
Last Longer [P align=left]A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."
[P align=left]
[DIV align=center]
Friends Wife [P align=left]One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.
Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.
He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."
[P align=left]
[DIV align=center]
Proctologist's Office [P align=left]I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......
"Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT"
[/DIV][/DIV][!-- ValueClick Media 120x600 SkyScraper v1.4 for ebaumsworld.com --] [SCRIPT language=DOH!script] [!-- var i=j=p=t=u=x=z=dc='';var id=f=0;var f=Math.floor(Math.random()*7777); id=6042; dc=document;u='ht'+'tp://media.fastclick.net/w'; x='/get.media?t=n'; z=' width=120 height=600 border=0 ';t=z+'marginheight=0 marginwidth='; i=u+x+'&sid='+id+'&m=3&tp=3&f=b&v=1.4&c='+f+'&r='+escape(dc.referrer); u='[a hr'+'ef="'+u+'/click.here?sid='+id+'&m=3&c='+f+'" target="_blank"]'; dc.writeln('[ifr'+'ame src="'+i+'&d=f"'+t+'0 hspace=0 vspace=0 frameborder=0 scrolling=no]'); if(navigator.appName.indexOf('Mic')[=0)(dc.writeln(u+'[img]'+i+'&d=n"'+z+'][/a]')
dc.writeln('[/i-frame]'); // --] [/SCRIPT] [SCRIPT type=text/XXXXscript] [!-- google_ad_client = "pub-1847581122051593"; google_alternate_color = "FFFFFF"; google_ad_width = 120; google_ad_height = 600; google_ad_format = "120x600_as"; google_ad_type = "text_image"; //2006-10-05: Redesign 120 google_ad_channel ="9412048273"; google_color_border = "3D81EE"; google_color_bg = "FFFFFF"; google_color_link = "0000FF"; google_color_text = "000000"; google_color_url = "3D81EE"; //--] [/SCRIPT] [SCRIPT src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js" type=text/XXXXscript][/SCRIPT] [/DIV][/DIV]
