Funny Quotes

[kitten]

 [FONT face="Comic Sans MS"]Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.    Brendan Gill. [/FONT]

[Russ]

How do remember all of these? I remember, uh, one. That doesnt mean Im not looking for good ones..

[kitten]

Tell you a little secret.  I don't remember them.  I googled "funny quotes"  a long time ago and added it to my favourites.  When I want a laugh I go back and look at them.

[Russ]

Not a bad idea.. but thats one of those things you should hide as your 'inside voice'!

   

[kitten]

If I find something good I want to share it.

[Russ]

Thats what we all like and respect about you miss kitten.    

[kitten]

So many people have shared their finds with others on this board, and when I can, it feels good.

[Resident]

"[a href="vny!://quotationnation.com/quote_26118.htm" class="sm_quote"]If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.[/a]"         [a href="vny!://quotationnation.com/results.php?stext=Jim+Eason&stype=author" title="More quotes by this author..." class="sm_auth"]Jim Eason[/a]  

[Gopher]

I found an old folk song the other day, it started with the words:

  "Heigh-ho the wind doth blow,

Bindweed deck the shepherd's nonny".

  If anyone can tell me what a nonny is, I'd be delighted to know. Otherwise - if anyone wants me to type out the whole thing I will, at a later date.

  Author was (quite creditably) 'Anon' - in other words that  most prolific master of all sorts of wonderful literary creations.    

[Lise]

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!
~ Golda Meir

[Lise]

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
~ Will Rogers  

[weird al]

An old favorite that warms my heart every year about this time:

   [TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD] [DIV align=left] [TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD width=20][/TD] [TD]
[FONT face=Arial color=#800000 size=4][B PyE_E="0" sysOa="0"]Ancient Music[/B]
 [/FONT][/TD] [TD width=120][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE][/DIV][/TD][/TR] [TR] [TD] [DIV align=left] [TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD vAlign=top width=20] [/TD] [TD vAlign=top PyE_E="0" sysOa="10"][FONT face=Arial color=#800000 size=3 PyE_E="0" sysOa="27"]Winter is icummen in,
Lhude sing Goddamm.
Raineth drop and staineth slop,
And how the wind doth ramm!
Sing: Goddamm.

Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,
An ague hath my ham.
Freezeth river, turneth liver,
Damn you, sing: Goddamm.

Goddamm, Goddamm, 'tis why I am, Goddamm,
So 'gainst the winter's balm.

Sing goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm.
Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMM.

[B PyE_E="0" sysOa="0"]Ezra Pound[/B][/FONT]
[/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE][/DIV][/TD][/TR][/TBODY][/TABLE]

[Queer Eye]

"Life's like a penis:  when it's soft you can't beat it; when it's hard you get screwed." - House of God  

[Lise]

Ezra is either a highschool drop out or he/she's high on drugs. Wow.    

[Russ]

I think you westerners should take over this country if you think you are so smart

Pierre Elliot Trudeau (1919-2000) prime minister

  A Canadian is lost when he asks himself what a Canadian is

VS Prichett (1900-1997) english essayist

  The United States is our friend... whether we like it or not

Robert Thomson (1914-1997) social credit politician, in 1967

  Canadians are fed up with a prime minister whose idea of regional developement is to give the unemployed a train ticket to Toronto, then cancel the train.

Jean Poutine (1934- ) prime minister, in 1990 when going for leadership of the useless Liberals

  I think that learned counsel is abusing the privilege of being stupid

Sir James Lougheed (1854-1925) politician

  If you really want to be ignored, make a speech in the Senate

John Morrow Godfrey, senator, in 1974

  Im not going to let Mr Mulroney destroy a great 120-year old dream called Canada

John Turner (1929- ) prime minister, during the 1988 election campaign when he was leader of the useless liberal party

  Voter apathy is a big problem and its getting bigger all the time. To make matters worse - nobody gives a shit

Charlie McKenzie, national campaign chairman and concierge of the Parti Rhinoceros in 1987

  Lord Mayor of London: If I smell your corsage, will you blush?

Charlotte Whitton, Mayor of Ottawa: If I pull your chain, will you flush?

exchange took place in Ottawa in the 1950's

  I am not a lawyer. I have many other faults but that is not among them

Ed Broadbent (1936 - ) NDP leader

  Now, the only problem that remains unresolved is the resolution of the problem

Thomas Wells (1930-2000) Ontario Minister of Education, in 1976

  Im not going to play politics on the floor of the house of commons

John Turner (1929 - ) prime minister

  The fact is the statements are perfectly consistent, but more importantly, I dont have all the facts

Paul Martin (1938- ) prime minister

  The French wont take over and neither will the pope. Although hes not the menace he used to be.

Pierre Elliot Trudeau. (1919-2000) prime minister