I'm just wondering what would you ladies do about a guy who's making inappropriate comments to you and your fellow co-workers? For example, this guy that I know, (we'll call him Mr. Smith) comes around to our station frequently because he likes one of our co-worker a lot. Actually, you could say anyone that wears a skirt will attract his attention.
The reason why I'm truly uncomfortable with this guy is because he:
a) tells us dirty jokes that are highly offensive and NOT FUNNY
b) tells that co-worker that he hasn't been laid in ages, not since his wife got sick
c) asks my friend if she got something something last night (and using his fingers - I'll leave you to figure out what he did)
d) asks me if I'm tired because my hubby kept me up last night
WTH? I'm so uncomfortable with this guy that I keep my distance even though he tries to be friendly. I know he's generally a good person but there are times when I felt like telling him to stop thinking with his ****.
Well.... y'know what I mean. Penny for your thoughts?
Good morning Lise
Has anyone (or better still...all who are offended) come right out and asked him to stop with all the sexual inuendo? Maybe make it a point to go to him and say...."look....you're a nice guy and all, but your comments are out of line and make people uncomfortable.....maybe you could lighten up on your topic of conversation ?"
If nobody has said anything....and if he is getting any kind of feedback (laughter...just to be polite or whatever) then I'm sure it will continue. It doesn't have to be an ugly scene, but as that kind of behaviour isn't offensive to some.....he may just need it clarified that it is to you. (and whoever else is concerned)
Or ignore him? Get up and walk away without making eye contact?
That's my tactic for dealing with "weirdo on the bus".
Warn him not to do that anymore with a written and verbal warning. Give a written copy to your superior. If he does it again, your employer can be held responsible and you can use your imagination of what to do next.
I am not sure who would be to blame, the guy with the ongoing comments? Or the co-workers that let it continue?
I agree with PC and Lil Me. Ignore and come together and tell his Superior. Do you girls ignore him?
What I would do is get a notebook and document his actions. So, when he's right in front of you, say to him "I'm documenting this with the time and your words." Get the rest of the girls to do so too.
If he's a nice guy like you say he is, he'll understand. Nice guys to me don't act this way, unless the girls like it and give him "the signals."
Lise wrote:
[div style="font-style: italic;"]d) asks me if I'm tired because my hubby kept me up last night[/div]
The next time he does that, I'd scream loudly, "[span style="font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;"]WHAT DID YOU JUST ASK ME?? ARE YOU ACTUALLY ASKING ME IF MY HUSBAND AND I HAD SEX LAST NIGHT?!?!? IS THAT WHAT YOU JUST ASKED ME?!?![/span] DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'??? DO THE WORDS 'HOSTILE WORKPLACE' MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"
if this was happening in California and at a large or deep pocket institution you ladies are going to be rich.
1) What a disappointment! I thought that this was going to be a thread for us to use to post inappropriate comments.
2) The next time he looks as though he's going to come out with such bilge have your tape recorder at the ready.
If it were me, I'd hold off on recordings and reportings, until I had tried talking to him first. I think sometimes, this is often an unsophisticated attempt at flirting and he MAY be unaware that it is offensive to some. I'd at least try that first. If that doesn't do the trick, then I would tell him if he doesn't stop, you will take action.
I'm afraid there's some truth to that Michel.
Do men ever have problems with women making inappropriate comments in the office?
lol....good point. On the contrary, I think they try to inspire it.
But for men it is flattering if a woman makes inappropriate comments?
Megszentségteleníthetetlenségeskedéseitekért!
Was that a cough?
its a meaningless word in hungarian.
I'm on a quest to find this meaningless phrase in swabian german that my dad uses and says opa used all the time. means nothing apparently.
but yeah at this point that could be a cough.
Right, thank you guys for all your advice and comments. I was just thinking about what you said that some of the girls do giggle when he tells his jokes. It was only afterwards that some of them would come up to me and said that the jokes were terrible.
Whenever Mr. Smith tells his stupid jokes, I do what Lil Me said. I just walked away. I just don't like it when the joke is so crude and he thinks it's flirting. I get very uncomfortable when it's just me and him in the room so I have to make some excuse to vamoose out of there before he even opens his mouth.
I've talked to some of the girls and they have mentioned that he's been told before to keep his comments to himself. Some of them even made excuses for him! "Oh, Mr. Smith is a bit crude but he's OK" etc. etc. etc. I just know that if I go up to my supervisor about this, I'm likely to make enemies as Mr. Smith have been here longer than me.
At any rate, I will be more cautious about him and if he steps out of line, I will tell him directly what I think and hopefully he'll back off. I'm not the type that likes to confront people.
Again, thanks for all your advice. (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Love/1.gif)
Lise wrote:
I just know that if I go up to my supervisor about this, I'm likely to make enemies as Mr. Smith have been here longer than me.
That doesn't matter. If he is making inappropriate comments, which could be considered 'sexual', in a workplace, you could seriously screw him over pretty quick, end his career pretty fast. Don't live in fear of your company, they will cater to you, not him, and if they don't, you can make them pretty easily.
Don't have that fear over the sh*thead, make him fear you.
If you or your co-workers just sit back, try to ignore it, or giggle, then it will get worse before it gets better.
Lil Me wrote:
But for men it is flattering if a woman makes inappropriate comments?
At a pub, maybe? At a workplace, NO!
Fortunately, you work alone!!!
What if it is from a really ugly woman that looks like a man?
Ok.
Thinking of the Aerosmith song Dude Looks Like a Lady.
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Speaking of inappropriate comments, guys talk amongst themselves very inappropriately as well when they're at work (when no other females are around). (generally speaking) They talk about girls and what they would "do" to them and such and compare they're spouses/partners/wives, etc.
The reason why I say this is because MrPL has worked in several all male work environments where at least one guy is the perv and he tells me some of the things he has heard.
Lil Me wrote:
Fortunately, you work alone!!!
I am new to woking alone. I always used to work for companies with many co-workers and a lot of office politics.
There is always 1 or 2 in every group that go from having simple fun, to becoming inappropriate.
purelife wrote:
[div style="font-style: italic;"]Speaking of inappropriate comments, guys talk amongst themselves very inappropriately as well when they're at work (when no other females are around). (generally speaking) They talk about girls and what they would "do" to them and such and compare they're spouses/partners/wives, etc. [/div] [div style="font-style: italic;"] [/div] The reason why I say this is because MrPL has worked in several all male work environments where at least one guy is the perv and he tells me some of the things he has heard.
typical male environment but its a culture. For example if you don't 'tag along' and play the game. You'll get ostracized by the group for being 'sensitive' and the gay jokes start, not because you're gay, but that you don't think they way the group talks about women is appropriate. Its all a test of masculinity and manhood. Then if you become a target its no use to defend yourself, you are just confirming to them that you aren't 'masculine enough' the label is already in place and the 'guys' will pounce on you for it, for as long as you are working at the place or around these people.
Eeeow, that's just gross but I think you're right about men talking about these things. I'm sure not all of them would do that, right? The male co-workers I have are so nice and I can't see them talking about these things.
I'm just not gonna let Mr. Smith bother me too much. I have other things to think about without him going around with his **** hanging out for all to see. If I keep myself busy, I'll block him out but if he steps out way outta line, I'm telling him to back for sure. I just wish my other co-workers would do them same instead of encouraging him.