[FONT face="Courier New"]The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a
fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine water power.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a
river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I
am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence
after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early[/FONT]
Ha ha Michel...that's cute, just like you. ;)
hehe I like the yawn definition, and the boss, the philosopher, the optimist and the opportunist !
I like them so much that I'm going to forward them to my coworkers. I found YAWN and SMILE to be funny where the definition had many puns.
Those are great Michel. Some of them made me smile too. Thanks....I'd bless ya if you were registered.
My faves were: smile.....lecture.....compromise and diplomat.
blessing me ? ARRRGGHHHH A SECT !!! (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Teasing/5.gif)
lol.....silly goose. Let me rephrase. I'd send on some good karma for you. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c033.gif" border=0]
Archaeology and chauvinism, a good example by the absurd... Just change the country and you can recycle this joke all around the world... (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/23.gif)
[FONT face="Courier New"]Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years. The French came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.
Not to be outdone, English scientists dug 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter,headlines in the U.K. newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that ancestors
had an advanced high-tech digital communications network 1,000 years before the French."
A week later, Israeli newspapers reported: "After digging to 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, scientists found absolutely nothing. They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were using wireless technology."[/FONT]
Last night, my wife and I were sitting on the couch talking about a living will.
I said, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine, and getting fluids from a bottle. If I ever come to that...just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer!
[img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c008.gif" border=0] that"s good michel
Did you miss the one I posted especially for you about your wine and keyboard fantaisy ? (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/3.gif)
no i didn"t miss it> that one was very good as well not to mention too true>
Too true ? Good ! (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Teasing/5.gif)