police come to the crime scene ...
ruling cause of death...
space shit....
lmao
[img style="width: 558px; height: 360px;" src="vny!://www.noiseguy.com/plane.jpg"]
I cant believe no one even found this remotely funny...
sorry...long day at the office...otherwise...I might have found it humorous..
I think it's a little too high-brow for the DS crowd, Mr. O.
Here, this one is clean, cut the shit, keep the planes, and let's see what happen?
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"] [?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]Mechanic vs. Pilot [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[/SPAN] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.[/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[/SPAN] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Something loose in cockpit. [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Something tightened in cockpit.[/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[/SPAN] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Dead bugs on windshield.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Live bugs on back-order.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.[/SPAN]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[/SPAN] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Evidence removed.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: DME volume unbelievably loud.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: DME volume set to more believable level.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: That's what friction locks are for.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Suspected crack in windshield.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Suspect you're right.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Number 3 engine missing.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Aircraft handles funny. [/SPAN]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Target radar hums.[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.[/SPAN][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[/SPAN] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]P: Mouse in cockpit. [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
S: Cat installed.[/SPAN] [o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0mm 0mm 0pt"][SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]And the best one for last..................[/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"] [/SPAN][SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. [/SPAN]
[SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; moz-background-clip: mozinitial; moz-background-origin: mozinitial; moz-background-inline-policy: mozinitial"]S: Took hammer away from midget.[/SPAN][SPAN style="COLOR: black"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN][/SPAN]
Orik wrote:
I cant believe no one even found this remotely funny...
lol, if poop really did leave planes that way there'd be a lot more dead people around. Reminded me of that show Dead Like Me how George died in the first place being hit by a toilet seat from the old MIR space station.
A virulently Francophobe friend of mine always made a point of going to the toilet whilst flying over France - he always used to say that whether or not he 'hit the target' was of no importance whatsoever, the symbolism was all.
Rudy will await your foundation.