I may not have been blessed in the looks dept. but I guess, to compensate I WAS blessed with a bit of an acting talent. Knowing I was gonna have to tell D sooner-or-later about my latest shit-canning, I called him up this morning, & told him the reason why he didn't hear from me (He gets very panicky when he doesn't hear from his precious little 38 yr old boy at least once a week) was that I was fired. What I DIDN'T tell him tho, was the exact reason I got fired, the inflammatory email, but I told him everything else. Carefully constructing my alibi, so as to make me look like not only the clear victim in this episode, but actually a classy guy. Just to think. If I was to add that 1 little detail to my story, about my Ill-advised email, he'd receive me in a completely different light. Oh what a tangled web we weave...
So, I hopped the Davie bus & waited for the 210 at my usual stop.
I had a girl about half my age come up to me & ask me if I was waiting for thge 210. Of course, my desperately mal-nourished ego likes to think that she was hitting on me, but then, my self-doubting cynicism tells me "no" she really only wanted to know if she had missed her bus. I've heard somewhere, that women can sense when a man is confident & I was wearing a differrent shirt today, which I have to admit - DID give me a little boost, so who knows? Bottom line tho is: as I have done countless times in my life, I did nothing to follow up on the possibillity that she might have been interested in me & of course, my best rationalization being: she couldn't have been more than 21 - TOPS. & me, a nearly 40 yr old? Ahh neaho.
So I arrived at Dee's & he quickly indicated he would like to go out for lunch today & who could blame him? It was a surprisingly sunny day, so we seized upon the moment & took a cab down to White spot & had a very fulfilling lunch.
**Also of note** today was the 1st day I went from 113mg down to my long term dose of 75mg Effexor. I have to admit, I did feel a little more edgy today, but at least it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. We'll see how it goes in the comming days. So, after I babysat Dee at the Gatorfarm for the day, I bummed $20.00 from him & hit the road, just before the Home Healthcare nurse showed up at 4pm.
I don't mean to speak derrogatorially of my own father, because I do love him so. & I know he has done so much for me. It's just hard sometimes, listening to his woes of aging & his various aches & pains. I mean I feel for the guy, I really do. & it's frustrating for me, his son to not be able to protect him from the ravages of old age. I mean, talk about a bum deal. Here's a guy, who has the youthful outlook of a 20 yr old, but is betrayed by the rapidly decaying body of an 83 yr old. I love him so much I could cry.
may I suggest that you post all new episodes under the same thread. That way, there's a single thread with Alec BALD One stories. Just a thought.
I see your point. & you're quite right.
My apologies.
Please feel free to delete any previous posts under my name.
Cheers!(//forums/richedit/smileys/12.gif)
You're OK Alec [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c020.gif" border=0]
So, here it is. Sunday night, nearing 10 pm. What did I do today?
Got up around 7:30, stumbled around until I had enough wits about me to go to Blenz for my morning j-ava, where I took my usual seat at the window & witnessed life passing down Davie.on a typical grey Vancouver morning.
After, I went back to my place & wolfed down 8, yes that's right (8) pieces of Raisin Toast - all dripping with butter. I can't kill myself quick enough. & of course, after downing that much starch in such a quick time, my body shut down & I fell asleep & when I next woke up it was 7:30 p.m. Great way to kill a day off. AND economical too. I mean here it is 10pm & I still feel full from all that Raisin toast. There. I just yawned again, so obviously, today's a write-off. Not that I had sny elaborate itinerary to accomplish anyway.
Another day in the life of a valuable member of society.
lol, Alec. You have good perspective sometimes. That was pretty good.
Alec, good stuff. Looking forward to reading your saga. It's sometimes sad, sometimes sweet and brilliantly honest-down-to-earth. Keep chin up, dude.(//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Word_Positive/6.gif)
Kind of sad, but really nice story - the DS version of Schizohindu!
I've developed this strange habit lately, of surfing the net, while listening - that's right, LISTENING & NOT watching movie files. As it turns out, I'm listening to Silence Of The Lambs. It makes surfing the net an entirely new experience, not to mention put me in a strange frame of mood. I'll bet it's not everyone who blogs their thoughts & feelings while listening to: "PUT THE ^@#$! LOTION IN THE BASKET!" comming from their speakers.
So. another busy day in the life of an unemployed bum. One way you can definately tell you're unemployed, is when you wake up to the sound of the Garbage Truck, banging the bin repeatedly. Almost like it's knocking on your door from outside saying: "Hey! Get up ya lazy bum! There's Coffee to be drank. Ah yes. The 2 top activitiies of the Unemployed.
Actually, when I went for my morning Coffee at Blenz this morning, I decided to start writing my Autobiography. & that's just what I started texting on my phone, as I was sitting there drinking my coffee. I have to admit, I think I got off to a good start. I can't wait to see how it ends up. There's nothing like starting a new project. Especially if you're unemployed. It gives you sense of purpose. Hey! Kind of the way a job does!
So, of course, after I was finished my cup, I went back to my suite & had another 4 pieces of Raisin Toast & despite my best efforts to stay awake, I just couldn't & was asleep by about 2 pm. Fortunately I didn't sleep too long this time. I got up around 3:30, craving - wouldn't you know it? a coffee. So, for variety sake, I ventured on down to the 7-11 on Burrard (Yes, I do like the high-end stuff).
Oh & for historical reference. Today was the official unveiling of the Countdown to 2010 Clock. & in typical media fashion, the hype far outweighed the product, for when they did the "Big Dramatic Unveiling" all they had to show for it was a big clock shaped like a shoe-heel, with a giant popsickle stick jammed down the middle. Really captures the spirit of Vancouver & Canada.
Oh well. I'm sure the much hyped new Canucks logo & jerseys next season will be just as much of a dissapointment. Then again, almost anything's better than the Free Willy jersey they have now.
'Listening' to Silence of the Lambs'. That's VERY good Alec. Perhaps you've found your niche.......writing. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c014.gif" border=0]
Glory. As in, that's the movie I'm listening to today. One of the few NOT Cheesy Mathew Broderick films from the 80's
So let's see now. What miracles have I performed in the last 24 hrs? Well, as always I awoke to the sounds of Garbage Trucks & Crows & once again tapped in more entries to my highly anticipated Autobiography at Blenz & am happy to report that today I was able to resist the temptation to take a nap!
It's time to admit the truth. There's very little interesting in the life of an unemployed man. Hell, there was very little interesting about my life BEFORE I got fired. At least, I haven't sunken to the level of watching daytime soap operas. Did you know, there ARE actually guys, MEN - who watch those things? & what's more, they're not even gay! Anyways, if ever I sink to such depths, then I'll know there's no hope. In the meantime, I'll stick with my routine of coffee, breakfast, nap (Optional) lunch, coffee, dinner & sleep. Repeating daily, until something happens to break the cycle.Something like, oh, say...a job!
Oh, on another note. I've begun correspondance with this mature woman. She initiated contact & I've been trying to keep it flowing, without LOOKING like I'm trying. On a strictly primitive level, I'd stick it into her, of course I don't want to let HER know that. Herein lies the great conflict. Do I go for the quick screw & try to bed her by turning on the charm & saying what it is I think she wants to hear, in order to achieve this end? Pretty pointless, since I haven't a CLUE what a woman wants. OR. Do I just sit back & let it play out & possibly germinate into something more? I DO know that having sex with someone you actually have an emotional bond with can be the most rewarding. God, I tell you, sometimes it SUCKS to be a man. I mean, we want to conquer as much babeage as we can in our lifetime, but thore more women you sleep with, I guess the more meaningless sex becomes. Like Pornstars. Well at least they get paid for it. Which is I guess every guys dream.
Back to reality (Gives his head a shake) So, here I am typing away as the sun's making a valliant effort to poke through the clouds. I guess life's not all that bad.
Ah, Alec. Such eloquence. *sniff*
Well the highlight of today has to be my Date. I mean, I didn't even expect to be going out on one, but the girl I had been in correspondance with, well we started MSN'g & next thing you know, we're meeting for coffee on Robson. Thank god for the dope, because it sure helped take some of the edge off off not only the Anxietey of anticipation, but the whole date as well.
We agreed to meet at 6 & of course, I made sure I got there nice & early & she was just a couple of minutes late Fashionably late, I believe is the correct term. First off let me tell you, she has the cutest smile & she flashed me that smile all evening. After it was clear that we were clicking, I suggested we go for a walk down to the waterfront & she let me take her hand. God, it felt good to hold someone's hand. To actually be connecting with someone. She is self assured, but not cocky & she made it very easy to be with her. We had a nice romantic walk along the waterfront, amidst the backdrop of the night lights of the city. I never felt so alive! To be out on the town, sharing the company of a woman, whom what's more I didn't have to put on any kind of an act for, she was letting me be myself & that just attracted me more to her. By the time we got to her building, we kissed goodnight. I can still taste her lips & I left feeling more alive than I have felt in a long time. Now I need to sort through some feelings. As I am tragically inexperienced in the Dating game, for a man of my age, I dodn't quite know where to go from here. On a physical level, I want to sleep with her, but I don't know if that's just because it's been so long since I've had any & I'm desperate to bump uglies with anything with a pulse? Or that I genuinely want to make LOVE to her. What a connundrum. On the one hand, if we were to jump into bed this early, I would have one need fulfilled, the need to get laid - but would it be at the expense of sacraficing a greater need. The neeed to be LOVED.
Boy, for a man of 38, I sure am emotionally immature.
Well, I can relax about taking the next step.
Witness this email I just got.
Hello Alec
>
>I hope you had a nice night!
>It was so nice to meet you yesterday and to spend time with you.
>You are truly an amazing person!! You have a wicked sense of humour,
>you are handsome, intelligent and you have good head on your
>shoulders.
>We had a very nice time, [span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]but[/span] I don't think there was chemistry
>between us.
>But this was just one of the many dates that you will go out on, and
>believe me, you are very good at it.
>I know you will find that special someone and I wish you all the
>best!
>
>CENSORED
If anybody's gonna get dumped on Valentines - it would be me!
LONG LIVE MARC LEPINE!!!
FREE ROBERT PICTON!!!!!
Oh Alec. That sucks to teh max!!! Why did she let you hold her hand while walking or let you kiss her in the end? That's not right in my books.
And to be dumped on Valentine's Day too, of all days.
Que sera sera. Don't know what else to say but sorry to hear about that. (//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Sad/11.gif)
For once I awoke to my Alarm clock this morning. Just like I used to when I was working. **sniff!**
Anyway, that was because I actually had things to do today. The 1st thing I found out was that I had tragically overestimated my serverance pay from the company. I thought, since I had 4 weeks vacation left for the calendar year, I would get them paid out in full, as part of my severance. Turns out, I only got something like $40.00, based on 2 days. How the fck does THAT work? Bottom line is, I'm gonna be SCREWED if E.I. doesn't come through by April 1. I only got $1040.00 severence & rent is gonna cost me $720.00 for March, so I'm gonna have like ZERO play money, between then & now. That means NO Pizza, NO KFC, NO eating out PERIOD! FCK, life's gonna suck this next little while. Sht, I may have to get a job again.
So, I spent the morning with Dee & Helena & I should have known Dee would get jealous. He got irritable whenever Helena or I weren't paying our full & undivided attention to him. At times, he acted like a spoiled little brat. It's funny, as people age, especially in their senior years, they seem to revert back to some childhood behaviors. I can see what they mean, when they say some people go through a 2nd childhood. We aslo put in a visit to Muter. A nice, short pain-free 15 min. stop-by & of course, even during that limited time, she tried to get us to go out & pick up something up for her. How about just a simple: "Hello. How nice of you take the time to come & see me."? I always hate going to visit her there. The hallways always smell like pee.
Helena was kind enough to give me a lift to Phibbs, where I caught the bus downtown & wouldn't you know it? The transfer point for my next bus was right outside my old office. Talk about painful & still fresh memories. Not to mention, the awjwardness of keeping a sharp lookout for any of my former co-workers, whom I might have to duck, to avoid that awkwardness.
So, I went to see the Shrink on Dunbar & suddenly, around 3 pm, the sun came out. It was beautiful. Like a reprieve from all the gloom. I really did feel uplifted once that sun broke through. As for my visit with the Doc. Dissapointment (Isn't that my middle name?) He's not gonna go for the Long Term Disability thing. Most he'll give me is 6 months. Lessee...I've been fired, or let go from 5 jobs in the last 2 & a half years. If that isn't proof I can't hold a job, then what is? Maybe I should get a job at McPukes, then pull down my pants & take a poop on the burgers, as they're frying up. If THAT wouldn't make me unemployable, it would at least make their hamburgers taste better.
So, I'm home now, feeling like I at least got something done today. And that at least is better than nothing.
*pats on head* (//vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/traurig/g045.gif)
Paul McCart - Sorry, SIR Paul McCartney was right. It really IS just another day. Especially when your unemployed. Can't say much happened today. I mean, here it is 4:30 Friday, I've just woken up from a 4-Jumbo Hotdog-induced nap. At least I managed to do some Grocery shopping today. I'm convinced the Sun is broken. Each time it peaks out & looks like it might just stick around, it vanishes behind a seemingly permanant Vancouver Grey sky.
I'm making good progress with my Autobiography. When I'm done & if, IF I get it published, it will be the first book in history to be written entirely by text messaging on Cell Phone. I can just see it now. Sitting beside Oprah, amidst her audience of Emotionally hungry masses, when she says: "That's beautiful Alec. Just beautiful. (With her trademark hand on leg & tearful sniffle) I understand there's something else, quite unique about your book Alec, now isn't there.'
(Me) "Yes, I guess there is."
(Orca) "Tell us what that is"
(Me)"Well, I beleive it's the first book written entirely on a cell phone. (Audience gasps) You see I would write each passage while I was having coffee at the Coffee shop every morning." (Audience applauds)
Now, back to reality. If nothing else, my book is serving as a tool for me to re-visit my past & cope with it as I recall each situation. It's amazing when you revisit incidents you experienced as a child & analyze them as an Adult, how therapeutic it is. It really is helping.
So there you have it. Just another day.
Now, back to reality. If nothing else, my book is serving as a tool for me to re-visit my past & cope with it as I recall each situation. It's amazing when you revisit incidents you experienced as a child & analyze them as an Adult, how therapeutic it is. It really is helping.
.
Couldn't agree more. Journaling is an amazing tool. For some reason we acknowledge the written word more than we do our own thoughts.....even when the written words ARE our own thoughts.
Being out of a job, means you have alot of extra time on your hands, which - in turn can lead to some creativism. In this spirit, I have come up with a new game I play, whenever walking the streets downtown. It's somewhat like a cross between Keep-Away & Frogger. The object is simple: To get to wherever you're going, be it a bus stop, resturaunt, or just a general walk around while avoiding the Panhandlers & Rubbies. It may sound stupid at first, but when you actually play, you find yourself bobbing & weaving & sometimes darting out across the street, in & out of traffic. It can actually be dangerous at times. See I've come to terms with the fact that there have always been Panhandlers & there, unfortunately will always BE Panhandlers. Regardless of how much people grumble & moan about it, so I figure since this condition is ineveiable, try to have some fun & in my case, make a game out of it. When life hands you LuLu Lemons, make LuLu Lemonade. (Jeez, I can't believe I just gave those guys a free plug!)
So, I get a message, from a panicked Dee, saying he's lost his Trazadone & because he can't see, needs me to come by to find it for him. I'm starting to feel the way I did around 2002, before the dope. Resentful for his being so needy & angry at him. Angry at the situation. How quickly I forget the many times he's bailed me out with money when I needed it. How quickly I forget how he "lent" me $20.00 just the other day. You see? it's situational. It's more a reactionary thing, where - when I hear his agitated voice, scolding me for not being able to get a hold of me when he needs to, FCK that just pisses me right off! & of course, then I feel guilty & angry at MYSELF for being pissed at my own Father. Oh, what a delightfuly vicious cycle of emotions at play. No wonder I'm so fcked up.
So, I put in an appearance at Dee's & of course, we found his fcking pills. Christ, I can't WAIT till he moves into that Assisted Living place, as soon as the place is finished. Even Dee agrees.
Gangway Fat Boy I hear everybody saying to each other. It's supposed to be the annual Chinese New Year greeting. I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean, other than the surface rudeness it implies. But, who am I to comment on a cultural stigma?
I have to admit, it's really a chore to make an entry today, as I just have had ZERO energy today. This, despite the weather being not all that bad. The sun actually did manage to come out for a bit this afternoon & that's when I went to Blenz & had my coffee & worked some more on my book. The Nux managed another 1 goal victory. This time, at the expenxe of the Avalanche. If they do anything in the playoffs, it will be because of Luongo.
I'm gonna have to go out tomorrow & get a size 40 pants. I actually remember when as a teen, I was a size 28. I never thought I'd see the day, I'd be having to get a size 40 pants. Since I lost my job, I have just BALOONED up. I don't even want to guess at what my Cholesterol count.
So that's it. Another day in the books. YAAAAAAWWWWWWWNnnnnn
[span style=""] [/span]I managed to work some more on my book this morning.[span style=""] [/span]I know I won't be able to do this morning routine forever, where I sleep in till I like & go to Blenz, whenever I feel like, so I'm really gonna enjoy this time while I can, because I know full well, I'll have to go back to work soon. But for now, for RIGHT now, I'm gonna enjoy these times. [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Speaking of work, I got more procrastination from my former Employer, saying now they have to get my R.O.E. from their head office in the STATES now. So lessee.. so far, I've had to go through my former Suoervisor, whom referred to T.O. (The center of the Universe) & now, THEY say they have to get it from the states![span style=""] [/span]It's a @#&@ piece of paper for chrissake![span style=""] [/span]What is the goddamn holdup???[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Ok, obviously there's some residual Testosterone lingering from my Tug-o' War with Cyclops, but I maintain, that it is still ridiculous.[span style=""] [/span]Am I ever glad I already got the ball rolling on my E.I. [/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]Cause I'll be lucky if I can hold out till then.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
I guess it's inevetable. When you're jobless & you're sitting at home all those days, sooner-or-later you end up watching Jerry Springer. A show you would NEVER have watched when you were employed, because you didn't have time for that crap. Suddenly, here you are, watching & for the briefest of moments - forgetting that everything is staged & for one fleeting moment, you find yourself actually PULLING for that Redhead in the catfight on stage.
How did it come to this? This is the wake-up call I needed. The absolute proof, that I am in a depression. It's time to find motivation, somehow, somewhere & pick myself up & get out there again. When I see images of me, 5 - 10 years down the road, possibly on Longterm Disability, watching Springer, I cringe. My life is worth more, much more than that. Christ, I can't let that happen. I WON'T let that happen! I mean today, Springer. Tomorrow, who knows? I could sink so deep as to being a rabid fan of: Days Of Our Wives. Oh, GOD no! That's not gonna happen. I've since turned off the T.V., allowing my own thoughts to filter back in. I can see why they call it the Idiot Box, it really sucks all the life right out of you. Just like the Internet. Problem is: I have BOTH at my disposal & between these 2 distractions, it's so EASY to burn off a day. Before you know it, a week's past, a month, a YEAR. I mean, it's already been 20 days, since I lost my job. Nearly a whole month! & it just flew by like a day. *#@$^ , I've got to put the brakes to this cycle & start a new cycle - FAST! 'cause I don't like where I'm headed.
Definitely a wake-up call.....good job on recognizing the dreaded Springer syndrome. Ughhh. You're right.....you DON'T want to go there. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/frech/c025.gif" border=0]
I've always known that I was a morning person & I've never questioned it. It's just the way I am.[span style=""] [/span]What I DO question however, is why I seem to just close down after noon.[span style=""] [/span] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Witness today. I was able to get up at a reasonable hour & get to Blenz just after 8:10 A.M.[span style=""] [/span]It's just so damn HARD to motivate yourself, when you have no deadline. Oh, & here's the kicker – I have plenty of cash in my pocket from my severance pay, but I'm SO afraid of blowing it before my E.I. kicks in, that I have been extremely Miserly.[span style=""] [/span]I know this is wise, but I'm SO thrifty, I'm lucky if I'm spending like $20.00 a week on everything. So the irony, of course is; YES, I have plenty of money in my pocket, with all kinds of time & opportunity to spend it, but – as I said I'm so afraid of blowing it all before E.I. kicks in, that I can't enjoy any of it. I know I'll be thankful I DID hold on to it, in the long term, but you'd think I'd cut myself a LITTLE slack at least! Maybe, order a Pizza – or – have a nice dinner out. You see, with me I'm an all-or-nothing person & I can very easily see myself saying &^@#% it, & ordering a pizza one night, promising myself this will be a one time only thing, but then I'll start making more & more allowances, then the dam will burst & before I know it, I'll be broke.[span style=""] [/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]No, this is the correct course. I may be depressed & sitting at home all day, but I'm saving money that way. I just have to practice self control. So far, I'm doing it & the reward will be when I make it to my 1st E.I. payout.[span style=""] [/span]Who knows?[span style=""] [/span]Maybe even have a little extra to spend by then. If it's a trade-off, I'd much rather walk around the streets knowing I HAVE money, as opposed to all those times I've wondered around broke, WISHING I had money.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Two things a man's ego seem to be attached to, are his hair – inapplicable in my case & his wallet & having as little ego as I do, I sure depend on the money.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]As I said, I did make something of the morning & after my morning Blenz coffee, I went down to [st1:place w:st="on"][st1:placename w:st="on"]Sinclair[/st1:placename] [st1:placename w:st="on"]Center[/st1:placename][/st1:place] & got the extra forms for my CPP Longterm. In light of the Province opening up the purse strings yesterday, now seems a good time to try to reap some of those benefits.[/p]
Captain's log: Supplemental.[span style=""] [/span]I have just finished watching the movie Castaway for the 2nd time.[span style=""] [/span]The 1sttime I saw it, was around 2000 & I don't remember being as moved back then & inspired as I am now. The only thing stopping my from crying is the dope. [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]It truly is a beautifully written movie & it's got me thinking a lot about my own life & where I am right now. Here's a movie, a message I take it as – about a guy, whom loses everything & finds his own source of inspiration to carry on & survive. I know it's only a movie, but to me, THAT'S what MOVIE means. A show that MOVES you & I was moved.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]It really helps put in perspective my current situation. I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself & wishing I had things & lamenting that, which I have lost, but here is a story about a guy who loses MORE, including his wife – whom not only has the strength & the courage to come back – not only that, but is strong enough to let his wife go, because he HAD to, the way she had to when she thought he was dead. Here is a true message of triumph of spirit![span style=""] [/span]How DO you let someone go, who was your whole life.[span style=""] [/span]I think that may be part of the reason I never got into a serious relationship, because I don't know if I am that strong. [/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Again, acknowledging that it was only a movie, if it's enough to at least get you thinking, let alone re-evaluating your whole life, then it must count for something, right?[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]I draw the greatest inspiration from the blatantly symbolic last scene, where he literally is standing at the crossroads & you are given the impression that the options are HIS & that HE is in control of his own destiny & the sense of optimism in that knowledge. That he has a brand new life path before him & because of what he's come through, he's not afraid of what lies before him.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]Sound familiar Alec? (Looks in mirror)[/p]
Ugh! I've done so much writing these last few days, that it's actually becoming a chore. [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Ok, lessee...where to start...Well, of course I worked some more on my Autobiography this morning at Blenz. #@$^%, this is hard![span style=""] [/span]I'm actually disappointed with this entry already.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]Talk about writers block![/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]Ok, I'm just gonna have to sum up the day's evens then – sans my witty insights, cause frankly, I just don't feel up to it right now. [/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Ok, I went to visit Mother at Evergreen & shared what I had written so far & she seemed to like it. This is encouraging.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]I also met a couple of 50 yr old women, one of which, I flirted a bit with & I wouldn't mind boffing, if just for the experience. I bet she'd appreciate a younger guy.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Went to the doc & was disappointed when he wouldn't sign my Longterm Disability form. I'm a &@$! Retard Doc![span style=""] [/span]How the HELL do you think I'm employable?[span style=""] [/span]He DID sign the Shortterm, which at least buys me a little time.[span style=""] [/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]So, maybe that's why I'm so tired tonight.[span style=""] [/span]I actually got off my ever expanding ass & did something today.[/p]
Gonna take a different tack here. Gonna try making my entries at the beginning of the day, when I seem to be at my most insightful. [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]As I was walking to Blenz, in my usual half awake state, I heard a girl from behind me say: "Sup?" Recognizing the youthspeak & quickly translating it in my head as: "What's up?" I quickly looked behind me to see whom she was talking to. I couldn't see anybody else in the immediate vicinity, but my damaged ego, as always prevented me from believing it was directed toward me. I quickly darted into Blenz, & she walked on by, where I could get a good look at her. She looked to be anywhere from about 18 – to maybe 20. I also noticed she was carrying a purse. CONCLUSION:[span style=""] [/span]she was either a Crackhead, or Ho.[span style=""] [/span]When did the stigma of a middle class girl carrying a purse turn into them being Ho's? Am I that far out of the loop, or is it more-or-less accurate today?[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Anyway, as I pondered the awkward interaction, I never answered her address. Speaking of which, I have noticed a gradual degeneration of the English language amongst the youth of today.[span style=""] [/span]In more enlightened times, when one wished to address a stranger, they would say such things like: "Pardon me sir..." –or- "Excuse me but..."[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]But these kids seem to be gradually regressing to the Paleozoic era, where the Cavemen communicated by grunts.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Think about for a moment. How far is: "Sup?" from: "Ugh."[span style=""] [/span]See what I mean?[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]It's signs like these that discourage my confidence in the evolution of man.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Although I desperately wished she was hitting on me, my logic quickly substitutes alternate scenarios like: She was talking to someone else, you just couldn't see them. / She WAS talking to you, but she was only interested in bumming a smoke, or money. / She was a Ho & you can't afford it.[span style=""] [/span]You see? Anything to protect my ego.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Geez, that's a lot of thinking for 10:00 A,M, I think this MIGHT be the best time to do these, as I seem to be on a bit of a roll here.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]Is it me, or are there absolute BABES in the [st1:city w:st="on"][st1:place w:st="on"]Davie[/st1:place][/st1:city] district?[span style=""] [/span]I mean, I found it hard concentrating on my book, as I found myself constantly looking out the window & evaluating the various women I'd love to bang. I mean, if any percentage of the girls I see are single, but I wasn't so dam ^&@#$! up, I would be having a field day.[span style=""] [/span]Oh, how I would love to be a player & have a different girl for every day of the week! And the real tragedy too, is now that I've cut back on the dope, I could keep up with them all too![span style=""] [/span]Seriously.[span style=""] [/span]Ok, I'm getting frustrated just thinking about this self-imposed barrier, so time to change the subject[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""] [/span]So, no doubt, I do feel my sharpest in the morning, so I think from now on, I'll make these entries then.[/p]
[p class="MsoNormal"]CHRIST I'm horny lately![span style=""] [/span]Uh-oh, here comes the Misogyny again. Let's leave that alone. Although, I do seem to be in a negative mind frame today. [/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]Witness what I was writing to myself as I was eating breakfast at Denny's this morning:[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][o:p] [/o:p][span style="color: red;"]Thank god i have this phone to distract me by jotting down my feelings when I'm anxious. Why do I HATE bitches, & youth culture SO much? I have an idea why[o:p][/o:p]I Hate the twenty something's & that of course being that I'm jealous & envious that they're so young, with bright futures ahead, while me, i lost virtually my entire 20's to first, Hair Loss & then Social Anxiety. I resent them for daring to be so young in my presence. [o:p][/o:p](You see now just how ^@#$! up I truly am?) [span style=""] [/span]I have SO MUCH anger inside me, I can't believe it hasn't manifested itself in the form of Cancer. After all, they DO say anger eats you up. As does Cancer.[o:p][/o:p]
[span style=""][/span] Look at those 2 Chugs over there. Sitting at the window I had been gazing out. How DARE they take a seat there & obstruct my view! [span style=""] [/span]God, LISTEN to me, will you? [o:p][/o:p]Where is all this venom coming from? I'm feeling more anxious now, as more people enter Denny's & are seated around me. @$!#!! Why couldn't you all have stayed home this morning? It's a rainy, grey Saturday morning for Chrissake! What POSSIBLE motivation could you have for going out at ALL today?[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: red;"][o:p] [/o:p][/span]Yes. Those thoughts are what I was actually thinking to myself as I sat down to breakfast this morning. Proof that not ALL Mentally Ill people live on the street, although if my former Employer doesn't get their sht together quick, I just MAY end up on the street.[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"]See my latest pleading email to them:[/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][o:p] [/o:p][span style="color: blue;"]Hi Debbie.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: blue;"][o:p] [/o:p]I'm sorry to keep pestering you, but I thought I should[o:p][/o:p]
let you know, it is now Friday, Feb. 23 & I still have not received my R.O.E.[o:p][/o:p] I have researched & found that under Canadian Law,[o:p][/o:p]it is not unreasonable to expect this document within (5) [o:p][/o:p]calendar days of a persons cessation of employment.[span style=""] [/span][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: blue;"][o:p] [/o:p]SEE BELOW:[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: purple;"][o:p] [/o:p][/span][o:p][/o:p][b style=""][i style=""]
Canadian jurisdiction.[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]Eligible Activities[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]All employment under Canadian jurisdiction.[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""][o:p] [/o:p]
[/i][/b][/p][p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]Summary:[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""][o:p] [/o:p]The Employment Insurance Act and its Regulations require every employer to complete a Record of Employment (ROE) when an employee stops working and when an interruption of earnings occurs. This happens when an employee is laid off, quits, leaves without pay or is dismissed, or when an employee is temporarily away from work due to pregnancy, injury, illness, adoption leave or provides care and support to a gravely ill family member. A penalty under the Employment Insurance Act for non-compliance may apply to employers who fail to issue a ROE as required. [o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]The information on the ROE determines if a person qualifies for Employment Insurance (EI) benefits, the benefit rate and the duration of his/her claim. The ROE also plays an important role in controlling the misuse of EI funds and it must be issued even if the employee has not intention of filing a claim for EI benefits.[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""][o:p] [/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]When to issue a Record of Employment?[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""][o:p] [/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""]Generally, a ROE must be issued within five calendar days or the interruption of earnings or the date the employer becomes aware of the interruption.[o:p][/o:p][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][o:p] [/o:p]
[span style="color: blue;"]As I write this, it has now been (22) days since my departure from the company[o:p][/o:p] Again, I am sorry to be persistent in this matter, but please understand I have[o:p][/o:p] bills & rent to pay & no way to pay these without my E.I. coverage[o:p][/o:p]. I have pleaded with them & they maintain that they cannot & will not even come to [o:p][/o:p]
a decision re: my claim, without my R.O.E.[o:p][/o:p]If there's any thing I can do on my end to expedite this process, then please let me know.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: blue;"][o:p] [/o:p]Regards.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style="color: blue;"][o:p] [/o:p]Alec.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][o:p] [/o:p]
Obviously, I'm in Ass-Kicking mode, but when your very livelihood hangs in the balance & you're at the mercy of whether-or-not somebody you've never even met has remembered to send a simple letter, you HAVE to be. I've never liked a**holes & I never thought I'd have to be one myself, but among the many lessons I've learned in this life, is that – sadly, just to simply SURVIVE sometimes you have to be one.[b style=""][i style=""][span style="color: black;"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/i][/b][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][span style=""][b style=""][i style=""][span style="color: black;"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/i][/b][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal"][b style=""][i style=""][span style="color: black;"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/i][/b][/p]
Captain Janeway in this case. My obsession with women shitting, & mysnginy in general isn't helped much when I sit right outside the Ladies room at the Coffee shop. But when there's simply just no other seats available because everyone & their dog (You can take that litterally in Vancouver) wants to duck-in, out of the cold rain - well, what are you going to do? I can see, or rather SMELL why you women try to be so discreet about crapping, because I gotta tell ya. You REEK! I know, I Know, I can already hear you challenging me to find a person who's crap DOESN'T smell, but seriously, I've never smelled anything so FOUL. I'm so glad I'm not a woman. My shit stinks bad enough. GOD, it's like a WAVE of STINK everytime that door opens. I've always wondered why some women absolutely BATHE themselves in perfume. You know the type. Just catching a whiff of them as they pass on the street, & your eyes water. My guess is they've just taken a huge dump, & are trying to cover the smell.
Man, I'm really ripping today. Marc Lepine would be proud. Ugh! I gotta bolt. The smell that keeps coming outta there is making me sick.
Well this is a first. Three (3) entries in one day. If ever I needed proof that I have absolutely no life, here it is.
I'm watching Forest Gump & seeing as how today is Mysoginy day for me, I may as well offer my views on one aspect of the movie.
Amidst all kinds of symbolism in the movie, there's one that stands out for me & that being how the nice guys always finish last, when it comes to women. I'm talking of course, about how the Charachter "Jenny" always manages to get herself into all kinds of trouble, always hooks up with guys that treat her like crap & yet, always manages to not only be rescued by a man who truly loves her, but she won't love him back. Again, acknowledging this is only a movie, but I know for a FACT, that this particular phenomenon is taken from real life. I've seen it, I've experienced it myself. I've seen women who know that someone's in love with them & they exploit that weakness in him & use their evil feminine wiles to manipulate the guy to achieve their selfish goals. You see it. Time & time again, play out through history. Women using men, GOOD men, who worship the ground they walk on, & in some cases - would give their very lives. Of course not every woman is like this, I admit that. Hell, I even acknowledge that there are some good ones out there, though rare as they may be. And, to give the ladies equal time, I also admit there are men who do the same thing.
I guess what it boils down to is risk. KNOWING that if you open yourself up to a relationship you RISK getting hurt. But you also risk finding love & happiness.
Ok. I've just downed my first coffee & I can feel the ol' synapses kicking in, so time to make today's entry.
As yesterday was a typical rainy, grey Vancouver Saturday & it was customary for me to visit D on Saturdays, I just wasn't up for it. And knowing, that if I was to call him & cancel, I'd get the standard guilt trip, in his classic Child-like response, so I figured, knowing that's what I would get if I called him to cancel, I'd just let him figure it out. I've done it before & you think he'd get the message, but he sticks to his old ways. I guess when you're 83 years old, depressed & blind, it can be hard finding motivation to change.
But, I called him early this morning, with my fake story about how I completely lost track of the days & didn't realize that yesterday was Saturday. You see, I've heard him tell me himself, how he loses track of the days, being retired, so being out of work myself, I figured he could relate. And of course, he bought it. After I had to endure a cold greeting of: "Helo Alec" when he first picked up the phone, but once I launched into my bullcrap story, he came around. Man, I am such a manipulator! It's a shame I couldn't profit from such talents, but the MAN says you need to go to all kinds of schools & courses to get your Psychology certificate, just so you can screw with people's minds on a legitimate basis.
Oh well, I'll just continue using my tools to my own ends then. As I write, it is yet, another grey day, here in Raincouver, although the sun does seem to be making a heroic effort to break through. They should sell tickets. It might turn out to be an epic battle. I can hear the play-by-play call:
[span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]"Clouds are doing a very good job of covering the zone, as they set up in a Cumulo Nimbus formation. Very little movemen...WAIT...just above St. Paul's Hospital, there's a hole, the Sun's working on it...The clouds double back - it's gonna be close...is it....is it...NO! a FANTASTIC save by the clouds, shutting the door at the last second!"[/span]
[span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]COLOR COMMENTATOR: "You could see Jim, the Sun saw through the clouds Trap & they weren't gonna hold back & they went for it, but were robbed by a very good Clouds defence."[/span]
Oh crap. Did I just write that? I really need help. I know they say a mind is a terrible thing to waste, but sometimes, with some of the stuff that comes outta MY head, I tend to think the world might be better off withOUT mine.
Ok.
Gonna take a chance here & start writing before I've ven finished my coffee & hope something comes out.
So here it is, Monday Feb. 26 already & I just happen to glance at my Daytimer & I see I've got my next appointment with my Shrink already. I remember leaving his office last time, which I SWEAR was only yesterday & not over a week ago, being armed with all kinds of Back-to-Work resources & I was to report back to him next time (Today, as it turns out) & tell him how it went. My question simply is this:
How the HELL did 7 days get by me so quickly??? I'm serious. I really feel like I only saw him like a couple of days ago & I had all kinds of time, but it's been a WEEK already? Now I remember. When I was in this position a couple of years ago (Just having been fired & waiting around for my R.O.E.) I remember time just flying by then & it's gotten me thinking. One of the worst things Depression takes from you is time. As time is linear, every second we lose is gone forever & can never be replaced. Here, not only am I battling Depression, but S.A.D. as well. And when you are trying to save every penny you have, your motivation to go out is further reduced, for fear you might spend money.
All these elements combined with the constantly crappy weather, create this vortex, who's only function is to suck time into it's void. The way a Black Hole sucks all matter, including light itself right out of existence (Billions & billions of stars...he says in his best Carl Sagan voice)
So then, here I am. in a scarce few hours, I have to report back to my Shrink that I haven't followed up on all those Employment resources he researched for me. "Why not?" I can hear him query. "You had all kinds of time. I don't understand..." & I'll look him squarely in the eye & say: "That's exactly the reason Doc. Because I had all kinds if time."
The FIRST indication I had that the day would be bad, was as I was dropping the garbage off & I bent down to puck up a piece that had fallen when, RIIIIP!
unfortunately, I've had so many of these telltale weightgain signs, these past few years, that I've been able to recognize the sound & STOP my movement immediately to minimize the damage. As I said, I've been putting on Doug Weight over this past year & especially this past month, where I've been pretty much sedintary. At least when I was working, I had a 20 min. walk to work & 20 walk home. SOME excercise at least. But now, as I said none. & especially with the crap weather, no motivation to go out for a walk even. I tell ya, Vancouver would be the greatest city in the WORLD, if it wasn't for the damn rain!
But anyway, sustaining minimal damage to my pants, I counted myself lucky. I checked my mailbox on the way back & voila! FINALLY the company had mailed my my blessed R.O.E. I had already structured my day around my visit to my Shrink & I figured, I had waited this long, I could wait one more day to turn it in to E.I.
On the bus trip out to Dunbar, I worked some more on my book & continued working right on up to the Substop, where I planned to kill off an hour, when I saw that my phone was ringing. It was Melissa (Dee's Caregiver) For the 1st time since I'd known her, she sounded shaken. She had just dropped Dee off at Emergency. He was having breathing trouble. Actually, he had been having trouble for a couple of months, but apparently it was bad enough today, that he had to go to Hospital. Well there I am. Stuck in Dunbar, without a car & a Shrink appt. in less than an hour. I told Melissa that I would be to the Hospital as soon as I was done here. (It was too late to cancel & now, I really NEEDED to talk to someone therapeutic.)
As expected, My Shrinks 1st inquiry was how the job search had gone, when I told him what had happened, the conversation quickly turned to my concern for my Father & my fear that I may lose him this time. He soon brought me around to the fact that I WILL lose him eventually & that we all die & that he is 83 & wasn't even supposed to reach his 70's with his history of heart problems. Yes, I broke down in tears during that session, I bared my heart for my love of my Father, when I got a call, as I was in the Shrink's office. It was Dee himself! He told me he was ok for the moment & that they would be keeping him overnight to run some tests. I felt like I, WE had ducked a cannonball. I had been given another chance with my Father. I also took away some valuable truths from this visit to my Shrink. Some things to help keep me me grounded. Yes, I will lose my Father someday. Yes I will lose my Mother someday & yes I will die myself, someday. But until these events happen, we are powerless to change what must be. All you can do, is to try to make the most you can of the time you have with the ones you love.
You're dead right there, Alec.
Uh-oh. I shouldn't be doing this. Writing before the coffee kicks in. I'm seriously tempting mediocrity here. I'll just have to hope it takes effect before I'm through with this post.
I sent this email to Tuna:
[span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Hi Tuna.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]F.Y.I. - I DID receive my R.O.E. in the mail yesterday. Thank you.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]This now brings to conclusion my association with The Company.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Please pass along my Deepest thanks to everyone. in particular, my former co-workers. I know they all tried their best & beyond & I will[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]always[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]be thankful for their efforts. I'm only sorry they couldn't get value for[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]their[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]investment.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] They are the most intelligent & brightest people I have ever had the[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]privilege of working with.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]& I know they all will do well in their careers.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Tuna,[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] I know you really stuck your neck out for me on this. I give you credit[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]for not saying it, but I would imagine you're quite disappointed I didn't[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]pan out. I am truly sorry that I wasn't of material. All I can tell you is[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]I[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]tried my best & I take that knowledge with me.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] I'm the 1st to admit, I have alot of growing up to do & alot of[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]problems.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]But, one thing I DID learn from you, during my time is the courage to start[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]to tackle those problems. I grew more this past year, than at any other[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]time[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]in my life. As you recall, at the start, I couldn't even envision myself[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]working downtown, the stuff we did on the company picnic - are you KIDDING me? &[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]the trip to Vegas. All significant milestones in my life - all thanks to[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]you. Again, I WISH I had been able to measure up. Maybe someday I might be[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]of such account, but unfortunately as we both found out. I'm not there just[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]yet. I'm sure Russ said to you many times: "What's WITH that guy?" & I[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]don't[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]even want to imagine the number of times you had to defend me to him.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Again,[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]I certainly never intended you to look bad because of me.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] We now both have our separate lifepaths to go down. & while they may[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]not be intertwined professionally, I hope I still can call you my friend.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Regardless, I will always consider you mine.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] Ok, before I well up here I'll close this off. I'm gonna send a[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]separate email to Lee, as I have some things I need to say to her too.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Take care, Tuna.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] [span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Alec.[/span]
I got the following response:
[span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Hi Alec.,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Glad to hear the ROE arrived - hope that helps you with the next steps on[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]your path.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]No need to worry about the impact on me of you Company experience, and as[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]for Russ, I never once had to defend you to him. He was always looking for[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]ways to help you, even more than I, and he's a very decent man. Just last[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Fri he was asking about you and how you're doing and if there are ways[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]the Company could still help.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]I'm also not disappointed at all - we both tried our best and that's all[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]one can do. At the end of the day, it wasn't the right fit, that's all.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]There is somewhere out there that is the right fit for you, but as you[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]mention, it'll probably require a change in perspective on your part and[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]some growth - it's all part of the journey and we all go thru it in our own[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]ways.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]As for our friendship, I never considered you anything but a friend.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]However, I do feel that for the moment, you need to sort out the path of[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]your life and I think that's something you need to do on your own, which is[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]why I haven't been in contact. I know in my journey, things didn't start[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]going right until I had no other option (and no one left to lean on) but to[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]make sure it went right. Tough love, I guess, and I worry about you often,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]but I think in the long run I'm doing the right thing.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Hope things go well for you Alec and keep in touch. And keep your chin up[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]- it's all about learning and moving forward.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Take care, old friend![/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Best regards,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"] [span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Tuna.
[span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"]While the temptation is to react emotionally to the part in his response that stands out for me in this & say to myself: "So, he's washing his hands of me then. Fine. Screw him!" I know deep in my heart that, in fact is not his intention at all.
In fact, here is an opportunnity for me to learn from a previous mistake, for it was my reacting emotionally on an email that got me fired from this job in the 1st place. The healing has begun.
So at least we part, temporarily hopefully - on good terms.
As for D, of course I went to visit him in the hospital & also visited Mother. How many people can say they have BOTH their parfents in the hospital?
I read to each of them my latest entries in my book & got the much welcomed enthusiastic support. I have to remember to take their reactions in perspective too, though - for the book is largely about them too, & of course they are going to be biased towards me. What I really need is some detatched, professional input.
I also got a bit of a scare in the news, when I found out that my brand of Dope, Effexor has been known to cause fatalities in large doses. Well no SH*T!
I remember back 2 years ago, when I was up to 300 mg. & was experiencing an irregular heartbeat, my Doc just said: "That's normal" Well, given my family's history of heart attacks, I'm lucky I didn't have a Coronary back then.
Doctors & their pill pushing cures for Depression! Now I wonder just how many Doctors / Shrinks have blindly prescribed Antidepressants without knowing their side effects?[/span][/span]