Been trying to tell this to the doctors but they won't listen, they don't believe me. f*ck, I've had depression for 8 years and with huge ups and downs only seen in the movies and they tell me no you aren't bipolar. Jesus!
I'm dillusional. I'm as crazy as it gets. The only thing I know how to do is politics and news but thats what causing it. I can see the future and the future is not bright for me in this place and my ideals.
[FONT face=Arial size=2][H2 align=center][A name=top][/A][FONT face=Arial color=#5a7b9e]Bipolar Screening Test[/FONT][/H2][H4 align=center][FONT face=Arial color=#5a7b9e]Look for signs of bipolar disorder [/FONT][/H4]Read the following lists.
Put a check mark [img height=14 alt="picture of a check mark" src="vny!://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Depression/nimh/images/check.gif" width=14 border=0] by each sign that sounds like you now or in the past:
[FORM]
[FONT face=Arial size=-1]Signs of mania (ups)
[INPUT type=checkbox] I feel like I'm on top of the world.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I feel powerful. I can do anything I want, nothing can stop me.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I have lots of energy.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I don't seem to need much sleep.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I feel restless all the time.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I feel really mad.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I have a lot of sexual energy.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I can't focus on anything for very long.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I sometimes can't stop talking and I talk really fast.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I'm spending lots of money on things I don't need and can't afford.
[INPUT type=checkbox] Friends tell me that I've been acting differently. They tell me that I'm starting fights, talking louder, and getting more angry.[/FONT]
[/FORM][FORM]
[FONT face=Arial size=-1]Signs of depression (downs)
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I am really sad most of the time.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I don't enjoy doing the things I've always enjoyed doing.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I don't sleep well at night and am very restless.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I am always tired. I find it hard to get out of bed.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I don't feel like eating much.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I feel like eating all the time.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I have lots of aches and pains that don't go away.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I have little to no sexual energy.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I find it hard to focus and am very forgetful.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I am mad at everybody and everything.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I feel upset and fearful, but can't figure out why.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I don't feel like talking to people.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I feel like there isn't much point to living, nothing good is going to happen to me.
[INPUT type=checkbox] I don't like myself very much. I feel bad most of the time.
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I think about death a lot. I even think about how I might kill myself.
[/FONT]
[/FORM][FORM]
[FONT face=Arial size=-1]Other signs of bipolar disorder
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I go back and forth between feeling really "up" and feeling really "down."
[INPUT type=checkbox] My ups and downs cause problems at work and at home.
[/FONT]
[/FORM]
[FONT face=Arial size=-1]If you checked several boxes in these lists, call your doctor. Take the lists to show your doctor. You may need to get a checkup and find out if you have bipolar disorder.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT face=Arial size=2][/FONT]
[FONT face=Arial size=2][/FONT]
[FONT face=Arial size=2]Only problem is, is that my doctors won't listen to me.[/FONT]
sportsdude.....that's really scary to feel like you KNOW something is wrong, but to not be able to find a doctor who is willing to investigate. This makes me sad. What do they tell you ??
What if one checks only this and the rest just doesn't apply?
[INPUT type=checkbox CHECKED] I have a lot of sexual energy. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/froehlich/a053.gif" border=0]
Self diagnosis is dangerous....and yet on the other hand, there is no better expert on yourself, than YOU. I don't have a lot of faith in the medical profession, but I'm happy to have found a doctor who asks "What do YOU think the problem is?".
Just talked to my sister a few nights ago, who was P O'd at this question. I think that a good doctor trusts you to know your own body, and it give him a 'jumping off' point to either rule out or investigate further.
sportsdude, if you're not happy with the answers you're getting, look further.
LOL, Good Times...then it just means you're horny....not bi-polar. And I don't even have a degree !!!!
That you have had manic depression or severe depression. But with my add/hd it can mask the bi-polar. I in fact know I'm bi-polar it come out sooner or later. Parents are worried thou. I get this huge fit of rages were I yell scream say things I shouldn't but the scary thing is, is that it has happend atleast 4 times while I was driving. What turned it on Suburban SUV's with bush stickers, anti abortion stickers, something that remotely seems political to me and music that talks about love, lost, or dispare.[/DIV]See half of me says I need a woman and this will all go away because I've never felt 'loved'. (enter previous history). But the other half says there is something more to it. But lately its gotten worse. I can't see happiness it hurts to see couples in movies, tv, and in life. The lost part comes during depressing songs. I don't listen to music for the music really I listen for the lyrics. (except for Coldplay for some reason). But the most dreadful thing is my sense of reality. I think the world is against me and my beliefs. Can't stand religion anymore I think its a fraud. I have no emotions anymore except for my breakdowns. I don't cry, don't care if someone dies, don't care, period. It started with sports, gradually not caring, then moved on to other things.
Well the funny thing is I have one of the best doctor's in the county who is super super thorough in everything he does. All I need to do is to open up, but I've never been able to do that, ever. And another thing is I haven't seen him in a year and a half because I'm ashamed of the way my life was going at the time and haven't willed myself over there. But techincally I have my life in order, sort of, I know nobody can really have there life in order. I mean I am going to Seattle to look at this school in 22 days and I should be happy but I'm not.
sportsdude, that's sad, and really needs to be dealt with. You're missing out on life. You MUST find someone to listen. It's not just about being sad or angry, it's about how all this will shape the rest of your life if left as is. You don't want to find out 10, 15 years down the road, after a string of bad relationships, that there was something that could have saved you that experience.[/DIV]What's available to you for help and understanding ???
I think you're very perceptive....trust your instincts and find someone who is ready to listen.
Have you seen walk the line?[/DIV]Well I'm Johnny Cash in the film and a future girlfriend needs to be June.
Ohhhh no. sportsdude, you CAN'T be ashamed to talk to your doctor. They're not there to judge you......and they DON'T. They WANT to help, but you need to be open and honest with them.
Get the best you can out of life, and if that requires a little help...GET IT.
LOL...that's a little funny to me, sportsdude. I have a very good friend who is the biggest Johnny Cash fan, and we take great pleasure in teasing him. (we've actually come to enjoy JC based ONLY on HIS enjoyment of him.) I did a big album of JC, for our firends birthday gift (I found a bunch of REALLY old albums (like vinyl) and did a 'biography scrapbook' for him. So I know WAY more about JC than I ever wanted to.....but I have not seen 'Walk the Line'.
>And another thing is I haven't seen him in a year and a half because I'm ashamed of the way my life was going at the time and haven't willed myself over there.<
Time to see him, man. He might not lay the same heavy judgments on you that you lay on yourself. We can be our own worst critic, and we can come to expect this criticism from others, even though it originates in ourselves.
>I think the world is against me and my beliefs. <
This sounds familiar. I used to knock myself out trying to propagate my beliefs everywhere I went. We are not required to do this. You can have your beliefs, and you can work toward implementing them, but you don't have to burn yourself out trying to convince everybody to understand your beliefs, or even give a damn about them. "You can't push the river", and all that.
>I can see the future and the future is not bright for me in this place and my ideals. <
This might sound kind of tame, but never underestimate the value of keeping an open mind. Sometimes as adults we find ourselves in a cul-de-sac based on erroneous conclusions we reached before we had all the evidence, and before we had even developed the means with which to analyze all the evidence. You are allowed to relax, after all. You don't have to do everything RIGHT NOW, right?
Okay well if you do there is this one scene where Johnny who is high on drugs at the time and depressed gets a tractor stuck in the ground tries to get it out ends up in the lake while Reese is walking away with her parents after a meal because he had an outburst. Well anyway the mom says to june (reese) your in this mess he needs you. And goes running after him. Then the family takes his house over and protects him from not killing himself runs the drug dealer away, and starts to turn his life around.
While watching that my life freckin flashed before my eyes. Everything that Phoenix's Cash goes through in that movie has happend to me in away. minus the drugs.
Oh thank you weird al......you said everything I was trying to say, but you said it SO much better.
I think it would be a tragedy to let a bright mind and spirit stagnate all for shame or embarassment.
Well I one thing I good at is reading people and understanding people but my biggest fault is not being able to understand myself.
Thanks P.C. Yeah, let's fix this guy up right now!
keep giving suggestions. I got to go to work. (thats another whole can of worms we can talk about later, I'm a giant book with many pages and chapters that make me who I am some good, some bad and, some that are stomach turning.) Anyway see you later.
Well jeez, now he's gone and split on us. Oh well, I wanted to talk about lululemon anyway.
G'night sportsdude....take care.
weird al....if you were a member, I'd give you a big ol' blessing.
Aw, shucks! Thanks again. Any way, registration is coming :)
Get on it, weird al...lol. You're a good 'un. What's the hold up ???
Procrastination mostly.
LOL....I hear ya....that's my specialty. As a matter of fact, I needed to be in bed 2 hours ago, I'm on it. Good night weird al.[img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="vny!://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c010.gif" border=0]
Goodnight, P.C.
Sportsdude wrote:
[span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"]I have no emotions anymore except for my breakdowns. I don't cry, don't care if someone dies, don't care, period.[/span]
I am not being flip when I say that one thing which might help enormously would be spending some time working to make life better for people whose lives are far worse than yours. Seriously. You may say you don't have the energy. Or that you don't care. But your posts (in all subjects) tell a different story.
You are not apathetic. You DO care, very passionately, about a lot of things. But your caring could be redirected to subjects which would give immediate results to both you and those you help.
And when I say "working to make life better for people whose lives are far worse than yours," I don't mean from a distance. Not collecting signatures for ballot measures, or canvassing for a cause, or sponsoring a Romanian orphan. I mean up close and personal, in your community.
Walk away from an hour tutoring a kid in the ghetto with his homework, and instead of bemoaning the state of the public school system, you're doing something about it. And making a friend. And changing a life.
Two lives. Yours too. Just think about it.
That's very good advice primefactor. But I think with various forms of depression, your ability to see the rationale in that is there, but the where-with-all to DO it, isn't. It isn't just that it's 'hard to do'....it's almost like being stuck in a catatonic stupor, and it's almost an impossibity.....you just can't.
Too often we think depression can be handled by simply saying 'shake it off'...... and if it were that simple, depression wouldn't be so crippling.
Your words hold a lot of value, but a person with depression has to somehow get to that level before they can implement those ideas.
Thats what my mom keeps telling me. I'm old enough now that I can actually work at habit for humanity now. I used to work at a hospital volunteering. Would go about 4 times a week. Got to be good friends with the nurses and talked to the other volunteers about life who were active in their 60's and 70's. The problem is that was before my problem's started to snowball and now I'm to ashamed to go.
P.C. wrote:
[span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"]a person with depression has to somehow get to that level before they can implement those ideas.[/span]
I agree, and would never suggest that someone just Shake It Off unless they were just being a whiner. I believe that it is important to do SOMETHING, to act, to force yourself to take any small step in any direction other than down. One must at least try, or else the downward spiral simply continues unarrested.
Anything that breaks the pattern may open the door enough of a crack to see some light. And because helping one's self is very difficult with depression, because of the feelings of apathy, worthlessness, and self-loathing, often the act of helping others, even if it feels forced or fake, can take you out of that place for brief enough periods to offer hope.
So often people who have given up will still rally to help a fallen stranger. Many a person who has decided, during some sort of catastrophe, to lie down and die, will see another who is not going to make it and put in a last push to save them, thus saving themselves...
Sportsdude wrote:
[span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"] The problem is that was before my problem's started to snowball and now I'm to ashamed to go. [/span]
Never feel ashamed of needing help. You are a good person and have so much to offer. Keep fighting!
Well one thing I keep telling my parents I'm a bull dog. You have to have a strong mental make up to go through the mental stuff I've gone through. I keep telling them not to worry about me because I know what I'm doing I know whats a dream and whats reality. Some people in my situation can't see that and sadly they've passed. My greatest assest is me and my greatest fault is myself. Its a constant battle, I've had to grow up quickly because of it.
Sportsdude.....if NOTHING else, I'd SO want you to get over feeling ashamed. There IS no shame in something that could be as simple (?) as a chemical imbalance that you have no control over.
primefactor, I didn't get from your comments that you were in any way suggesting it was as simple as 'shaking it off'. It's pretty clear you're much more intelligent than that. Your belief that one must do SOMETHING to act, is bang on. But I believe you need to at least establish if it's psychological or chemical, because that is the deciding factor that would allow one to take those healing steps.
P.C. wrote:
[span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"]you need to at least establish if it's psychological or chemical[/span]
Absolutely. I'm not a run-for-the-pharmacy kind of gal, but if medication helps keep a person's head out of the oven long enough for them to implement real change, it's a good plan!
Try everything that might work.
Go, team! (//forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/11.gif)
(had some troubles logging in ????)
We're talking the same language primefactor.....no running to the pharmacist for me either.
I sometimes think I've got all kinds of good advice...lol, but really, I know this is bigger than I know.
"Try everything that might work".....agreed...but start with someone who knows what they're dealing with.
sportsdude....get on it hun....don't quit until you find someone who will listen. You have our support, but we're basically armchair psychologists.
[FONT face=Verdana size=2]Theres been alot of good advice given already. Sportsdude, you mentioned that no doctor is willing to help(which im pretty shocked at). I think one of the first things to do is find one that will. Finding someone to talk, like a counsellor, is another step in the positive direction. Theyll both help with the chemical(if it even is chemical) and emotial sides of things respectively.[/FONT][/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2][/FONT] [/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2]You also said youve been feeling pretty apathetic lately. I think you should ask yourself, what am i interested in? What do i really enjoy doing, or what do i really want to do? [/FONT][/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2][/FONT] [/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2]Sounds like you just dont know what you want to do? Maybe take some time off for a little vacation to some far off exotic location, to see the world and self-reflect?(//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/3.gif) [/FONT][/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2][/FONT] [/DIV][FONT face=Verdana size=2]I hope things work out for you(//vny!://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/14.gif) [/FONT]
no doctors are willing they just don't believe me or say you aren't bi-polar because I don't come clean because if I do I'm afraid I will be sent to a mental hospital (which almost happend to me when this one doctor said he could help me and led me to another doctor). So from then on I've kept quiet and have kept things in only to let loose every once in a while after the pressure has boiled over.