I get a lot of spam, hundreds and hundreds every single day. Most of it is filtered out by a server-side spam filter called DSPAM which sticks it in a quarrantine. Every once in a while I go into the quarrantine and look to make sure there isn't any 'real' email that got caught (there almost never is). As I read through the subject lines I reply to them in my head so I don't actually have to write them back. The SPAM subject is in bold, my 'response' is in italics.
Your E-mail Address Has Changed
Errr, then how did you email me?
Latest stuff Get the recognition you deserve
I've got all the recognition I can stand, thanks to "America's Most Wanted".
Are You a Savvy Investor?
f*ck no, I'm a hopeless moron.
Your future, ore weigher
Sorry, I spell my name "Danger!" (My apologies to the folks from Firesign Theatre)
Promise me you wont say!
Okay, I promise. (Sentence fragment, -5 points)
Your Friends Will Envy You
They already do.
Tiffany Handbags and more..!!!!
Darn, if only I carried a purse.... (Too many exclamation points, -5 points!!!!!)
Have you heard of Ephedra?
Yeah, aren't they that new punk band from Minnesota?
Doctors Use This TOO!
And I'm so happy for them. (Improper capitalization, -5 points)
Any med for your girl to be happy!
If I had a girl, she wouldn't need meds to be happy. Then again, maybe she would.
Don't tell anyone I showed you this!
Okay, I won't.
See? Dealing with SPAM Is easy!
Not as creative as thou - I usually just send all the spams to hell.
i did get one the other day offering to cure my virginity!
[SPAN style="FONT-STYLE: italic"]Sorry, I spell my name "Danger!" [/SPAN]
....no anchovies for you!