Is there anyone out there, that has lived their life, with no regrets.
I was talking to someone the other day, who said he had absolutely no regrets. I was fascinated with his story.
It wasn't even like he had lived his life without ever having done things to be regretful of, but it was his ability to put it aside, chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
I have many. I would love to learn how to do this.
I have to this day.... no regrets, PC. I am enjoying life... yes, it's hard and there are times when it's tough to get by but I've no regrets.
I believe if you think about all the things you haven't done and lots of 'could have done better', you'll end up missing out on what's in front of you. Enjoy life to the fullest, be glad of what you have and appreciate how lucky you are to be alive and well.
I have a ton. Wish I didn't do this, do that. Its lead me to this point which I'm happy with but the road I got here wasn't the prettiest. Thats how I think of it. Yeah I'm glad I'm at this point, still have a ways to travel to get where I want to get to but I don't want to think about the past.
Well said, Lise.
I think that I KNOW that philosophy, I just don't seem to know how to LIVE it.
I DO enjoy my life, and cliche as it may sound, try to live each day to the fullest. It's history that's harder to let go of.
Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I mean, when you think of it, the past is over. You might as well pretend it doesnt exist, because it doesnt...in the NOW. Your mind takes you wherever you want to go..so if you dwell in the past, live in the past, you cant be living in the now. As for regrets...what can you do about it? nothing. its a waste of energy.
The things we have experienced make us what we are today. To dismiss them as ancient history is to dismiss all of these experiences as unimportant. I doubt they can be forgotten, but it is not a good idea to dwell on them to the point of ignoring the present. Looking at the past as a series of hard lessons learned well helps to put it in perspective. How you feel is normal, P.C., and it makes what you have now even more wonderful because of what it took to get there. Sometimes regret becomes a kind of self-punishment and then it is difficult to bear. Chin up, my friend, you have succeded in life.
I mean, when you think of it, the past is over. You might as well pretend it doesnt exist, because it doesnt...in the NOW.
I suppose that may be one of the things that makes it difficult, because I don't believe the past doesn't exist. It has shaped who you are.....who your children are. Who they have become is part of the past.
I don't have any huge regrets. I have really stopped thinking about regrets because I don't see the point. If you have a regret and can't go back and change it, then don't even bother thinking about it.
There was this one guy who listed all his major regrets. He went back in life and tackled each regret as much as possible. I say "good for him." At least he tried and now, his mind can rest peacefully. Whatever it takes, whatever it takes.
Yeah it pretty much is pointless now but I wish I'd have known that when I was younger. Then I would be able to shake things off more easily. I get in the habit of remembering every single conversation, every single bad moment in my life and just continually replay it. Its not good to do that because it leaves you in a constant state of depressed feelings but I've been doing that since I was a little kid and I just don't know how to stop really. Not good.
Yeah, the past has made you what you are today. But say you had a really rough childhood, that might make one person stronger, or another person may forever see themselves as a victim. How you see yourself is how you present yourself to the world, and that attracts positive and negative into your life. SO, if you had a shitty pre-life, you have to try and put it behind you and build your new life, yes?
Every time you find yourself doing that, try to deliberately change your thoughts to what you want for your future, and what you have to do to achieve it. It may become such a habit that you will do it automatically after a while.
When I'm in self pitty mode I become the victim. When I'm in normal thinking mode I'm the stronger person. I don't like being in self pitty mode because I don't need to be consoled. Thats childish behaviour on my part and all it does is make me want to pull the 'my life is so bad, I'm f*cked' routine over and over again. I did that as a little kid. It got me nowhere just made things worse.
That's true, and it is also a huge waste of time. Looking back won't help you get anywhere, unless there is a lesson to be learned from the past.
I'm not agonizing over the past or bent out of shape over the past for myself so much. I'm thinking more in terms of choices I made that had a negative affect on others. Those are the things that I occasionally find difficult to come to terms with. It doesn't affect me on a daily basis, but every once in a while it creeps in. There are skills to cope with this I'm sure, but somehow it seems like it just has to run it's course.
Yipes....this thread took an unexpected twist. This is in no way a pity party......just a bit curious to know how those who have no regrets have 'allowed' themselves to let things go.
Lol I'd love to know that too because I can forgive others but can't forgive myself. My downfall.
I know that those things can't be changed, and it is reasonable to dwell on them from time to time. You're not alone in that. It isn't as if you were constantly obsessing ove the past. I wish it was possible to go back and change things, but since it isn't we have to accept and go on from there. I don't think it ever goes away, but time has a way of muting events so they become less bothersome.
It isn't as if you were constantly obsessing over the past.
The problem is for me is that I am. Heck when things get really bad I get down that I was born with a birth defect even though it got fixed. See I go to counsoling and they tell me to shape up and forget it. But how? It just won't go away on its own. I've tried to do that part and it just builds the only way I know I can not think about the past is just by talking about it.
I really didn't start this to be about me.....lol. Talking to this old fella the other day when he said he had NO regrets, took me back a little. I just assumed everyone did. That's what made me start thinking about the regrets I DID have, and wondered why some lingered. Wondered how he was able to put his into proper perspective.
I think you answered your own question. You said "old fella", and that is how he could put it into perspective. By the time you reach a ripe age, so much has happened over the years that it is just another item in a long list. He put enough distance between his earlier mistakes and his older age that it wasn't the center of his attention any more. A lot of things seem unimportant when you get old., because you start learning what is really important to you.
I try to learn for my mistakes and errors. Most of the time my errors were out of my control but I felt the consquences from them and still struggle with them on a weekly basis. (hey it used to be daily so atleast thats something positive). The problem I run into is looking back on every error in my life. Thats not good. Because when I look back at everything then I realize what am I doing to myself. Why the extra struggles lol. And then sometimes I just do things on a whim, those are usually the goods things.
He put enough distance between his earlier mistakes and his older age that it wasn't the center of his attention any more. A lot of things seem unimportant when you get old., because you start learning what is really important to you.
Good point Kitten.
Would the answers be the same, it were worded as such.....
If you could change anything you've done in the past or are there things you would do differently, would you ?
Yes! I can think of a few turning points where I made the wrong turn because I didn't have faith in myself. I would love to go back and change them.
Yeah I think we all have those. Like oh I shouldn't have done that. Those type of things. LOL this a person who changed high schools because he saw a movie and decided he wasn't having any fun in his life. lol
P.C. wrote:
Is there anyone out there, that has lived their life, with no regrets.
Definitely not me. I have many regrets. Things I've done, things I've not done. Things I should have done. Some things I could never atone for, no matter what I do. (//forums/richedit/smileys/Sad/9.gif)
Hmmmm...it's a fine line, isn't it?
I guess it's all a matter of perspective. I see that as being almost the same as being regretful.
Well if nothing else, I just learned, it's all a matter of how you process the info ????
P.C. wrote:
Hmmmm...it's a fine line, isn't it?
Sometimes.
Sometimes you think you're doing the right thing. Then the thing you've done, something in good faith, is used to do something terrible, something not intended, something you didn't realize you would make possible. And there is no going back, never.
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THAT'S IT !!!!!!
That's the sentiment I'm trying to spit out. THOSE are exactly the kinds of things I think I'm referring to. I don't dwell on them, but the very fact that some of MY decisions affected someone else is hard to choke down sometimes.
Not too many regrets, but several things which, in retrospect, I'm pretty embarrassed about.
Gopher wrote:
Not too many regrets, but several things which, in retrospect, I'm pretty embarrassed about.
I wish I could say that. Consider yourself very, very fortunate.