[FONT size=2]>>Dear Wife:[/FONT] [FONT face=Tahoma size=1][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"]
>>I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
>>good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
>>nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your
>>boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that
>>was the last straw.
>>
>>Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a
>>new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
>>pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
>>straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
>>
>>You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore
>>or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
>>anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
>>
>>Your Ex-husband
>>
>>PS Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
>>Virginia Together! Have a great life!
>>
>>---------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Ex-husband -
>>Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
>>that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
>>man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
>>because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad
>>that doesn't work.
>>
>>I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing
>>that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother
>>raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.
>>
>>And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
>>confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years
>>ago.
>>
>>I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on
>>because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a
>>coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
>>that morning .. and your silk boxers were $49.99.
>>
>>After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
>>out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
>>dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But
>>when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
>>guess.
>>
>>I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
>>said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime
>>from me. So take care.
>>
>>Signed
>>Rich As Hell and Free!
>>
>>
>>PS I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was
>>born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
>>__._,_.___
>>
LAUGHED ME ARSE OFFFFFF! COULDN'T HELP BUT SHARE![/SPAN][/FONT]
funny stuff.
thank gawd it wasn't me writing that letter! LOL though...I woulda taken the money and ran!
wow I'm speechless.
lotto for ten million dollars.........yea as if a guy would get half to begin with LOL 4x
LOL..gotcha poor man! Loud and clear 4xxx
I"m so poor i can't even have noodles...or cold drinks
LOL..or bread...meat sauce?
IS THIS FOR REAL? IF SO SO SUCKED IN.
Justice at it's finest. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/g015.gif" border=0]
Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches
I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife
replies, "Barbara referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in
front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.
"It worked, the headaches are all gone!"
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire
in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist
and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He
goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into
bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife
says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will
be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was! even
better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly
follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the
mirror and saying,
"She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"
His funeral services will be held on Monday.
[/DIV]
Funny. Thanks for sharing. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/5.gif)
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! HILLARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.
THE END
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE CANADIAN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good,
eh?
Then, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with
cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden
with food.
Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of
the ant's house.
The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with
breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
Sven Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has
gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the
summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire
grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The ant moves to the US, and starts a successful agribiz company.
The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the
ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head a
commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it
on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair
arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by
the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly
set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community.
THE END
seeing as spring is trying to roll around...I have noticed that grocery stores are attempting to sell daffodils and tulips...please be warned........daffodils will kill the tulips....do not put them in the same vase together....just a little tidbit for you....as many do not know of this
THANKS FOR THAT PIT. BUT IF THEY ARE PICKED ARENT THEY GONNA DIE ANYWAY?
I found that if you put some 7-up on the container/vase you putting your cut flowers in, they last longer than normal
aaah MR.GAMBINO...of course they will die...but they are bought for viewing pleasure..especially in light of all the yucky weather that BC has been experiencing....
soo....I thought the little tip would be good for those that buy the flowers...other than that...do what you will with them
[FONT face=1]Where do pets come from?
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and
who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even
when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable
you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal. [/FONT]
[FONT face=1][/FONT]
[FONT face=1]And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him
DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed
taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well"
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and
who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their
limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of
adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased
And Dog was happy.
[/DIV][/FONT] [FONT face=1]
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
[/FONT]