Electron A: I've lost my charge!
Electron B: Are you sure?
Electron A: I'm positive!
Geek humor at its best! (http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/poo.gif)
(http://www.oddjack.com/midgets.jpg).
Two guys walk into a bar. "Ow! Oof!"
Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
(http://image4.greetingcards.com/dgc/i/c/shs_bewareTinyDog.jpg).
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender, amazed, says, "there's a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "uh...Carl Smith?"
Q: How do you make your wife scream and shout when you're making love?
A: Call her up and let her listen in!
I may have posted this before but...[/DIV]Q: How can you tell there's been a hippie in your house?A: He's still there(http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/23.gif)
ok then: How many hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
One to phone the landlord and one to roll the joint.
This hippie is walking down the street one night when a pixie appeared. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" The hippie thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending joint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized joint. The hippie jacks it up and starts puffing. After five hits the joint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "...And number two?" The hippie replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"
Q: How do you make your wife scream and shout when you're making love?
A: Call her up and let her listen in!
lol... that's exactly what happened to co-workers of mine. They were married and were going thru separation. The wife called him while she was having sex with another man.....brutal!
Hippie jokes. [img alt="" src="http://www.captaincynic.com/images/smilies/lol.gif" border=0]
Since you're all at it, this ain't short but methinks will be well worth the read:A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"
slightly off point.....anograms
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
[?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /][st1:Street w:st="on"][st1:address w:st="on"]IM A DOT IN PLACE[/st1:address][/st1:Street]
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE [st1:country-region w:st="on"][st1:place w:st="on"]USA[/st1:place][/st1:country-region]:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
A man walks into a psychiatrist office wrapped in Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist said "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/TMB/BluebirdNut/Emoticons/Positive/rofl2.gif).
Another good thread. Wish I knew some to add to the page.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
[A href="http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm824DFCA" target=_blank][img alt=Smile src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_1.gif[/img][/A] thank you, Some Chick.
[A href="http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb068_ZNxdm824DFCA" target=_blank][img]http://discoverseattle.net/source/spacer.gif?pc=ZSzeb068&pp=ZNxdm824DFCA" border=0][/A]
A horse walks into a bar....and the bartender says
So........why the long face.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
(No offense to the men, I'm not a hater, these are just funny)
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=left][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]The Picture on the Nightstand[?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=left][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of a man on her nightstand by the bed.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]No silly, "She replies, snuggling up to him.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"No not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Is it your dad or brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"No, no, no!!!" she answers.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Well, who in the hell is he?" he demands.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"That's me before the surgery!"[/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]I know, I know.....its not really short[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]
[FONT face=Verdana color=#010101 size=4]We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me![/FONT] [FONT face=Verdana color=#010101 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]That's my story and I'm sticking to it![/SPAN] [/SPAN][/FONT]
4 gay guys walk into a bar and look for a place to sit down... but they only see 1 stool left. What do they do?
Flip it upside-down.
P.C. wrote:
[div style="font-style: italic;"]A horse walks into a bar....and the bartender says[/div] [div style="font-style: italic;"]So........why the long face.[/div]
Alanis Morissette walks into a bar....and the bartender says So........why the long face.
(Image for those of you who've never seen her. You could make this joke about Ann Coulter, too, but I couldn't bring myself to post a picture of her.)
(http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:88VONqqCYat12M:www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/Music/9902/24/grammy/link.alanis.morisette3.jpg)
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It's rated "Arrrrr"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down his pants.
The bartender asks him what it's there for.
"Y'arrr, it's driving me nuts."
Bahaha. Good one, Some Chick.
OK, if you're offended, don't read these gender jokes.
[P align=left][FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.[/FONT]
[FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."[/FONT]
[FONT size=1]Source: [/FONT][A href="http://www.lifeisajoke.com/menvwomen9_html.htm"][FONT size=1]http://www.lifeisajoke.com/menvwomen9_html.htm[/FONT][/A]
And then there's the one about a lady of a certain profession who staggered into a bar and said, "Give me a drink, I'm worn out - I haven't been on my feet for 24 hours".