Have any of you had a midlife crisis?..
Burnout from work?
Problems with personal relationships?
Addictions?
Confronting with your demons from the past?
Wondering who you are and what you want in life?
--
Just wondering.
It seems to be all around me....my neighbourhood is turning into Melrose Place. Is this everywhere, or am I the only person living in the Suburb of Crazyville?
I think I'm the worst in giving out advice about midlife crisis. I don't even act on my own advice.
GUILTY ON ALL 6 CHARGES
WE ALL THINK THAT WAY WHEN WE HIT THE BIG 40
WHEN IT GETS ALL TOO MUCH I REMEMBER OUR FRIEND ALCOHOL...THE CAUSE AND THE ANSWER TO ALL OF LIFES PROBLEMS
lol Gordy.
Trying to stay sane while everyone around me is going loony.
Live life, take pleasure in the little things, go for long walks of contemplation of what you are doing in this world, meditate, watch sunsets, take notice of things around you (buildings, why they were put where they are, look at the street city layouts and imagine what you'd put there instead etc), walk a busy street (Robson or Davie are good ones) and just listen to the noises the people. Go to a park and stare at a pond while sitting on a bench.
just throwing out ideas. lol
This is Vancouver, there's thousands of oddities around where you could lose yourself for a bit to get away.
Not yet. It doesn't mean that it will hit me from time to time. I like to think that life is full of challenges, how you approach it depends on your attitude. Read the book by [A href="http://www.miguelruiz.com/"]Don Miguel Ruiz[/A]. It's just amazing.
No, it seems to be all around me as well.
Im also with Gordy on this one..
First of all, I think people in their 30's who are having mid life crisis, have low expectations. I understand the problems....I just don't think I would associate them with mid-life. (unless you only expect to live to 60)
At 30(ish), I would call them growing pains. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
Michel wrote:
I have no idea what is midlife crisis. Looks like an anglo saxon popular psychology concept to me.
No need to pick on the Brits, Frenchie - it is a western concept.
I'm not 40, I'm in crisis, let's remain this thread the crisis thread. lol
I never understood midlife crisis either.
I consider it a crisis in my house when I run out of salsa, chips and Corona.
lol Van.
It's not something you plan...I'm told.
It's happening to about a dozen people around me (average age- early 40s)
Van wrote:
I never understood midlife crisis either.
I consider it a crisis in my house when I run out of salsa, chips and Corona. Im not sure if in this case.. great minds think alike? Or is it that idiots seldom differ?
Russ, this forum can only let me bless you once an hour!!
I am not sure Lil Me? Guess like anything, you have to experience it.
Early 40's is a reasonable age to consider a crisis...a mid-life crisis.
This is my explanation for mid-life crisis. It's the age that we have accumulated enough wisdom, to put an end to things we have tolerated for too many years.....upon the realization that life is too short. The same wisdom lets us really look at our lives and what it going on around it and the people that are in it, with a clearer awareness. It's the age that the ideals you had at 20 have shifted. I think of it as more of an awakening than a crisis.
That's why I prefer to think of it as an awakening....not a crisis. It often brings with it, chaos and change.....but once the dust has settled, it usually results in a surer step in the right direction.
P.C. what you explained as a mid life crisis can happen at any age, not just when someone turns 40.
Possibly. But then again, you might interpret what I'm saying differently at 40, than you do today. You have no way of knowing that yet. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c020.gif" border=0]
Well some people awake gradually at 20, some never, some constantly. There are no such thing as a midlife crisis. It would have to be biologically related. The only age related crisis I can see is some women getting concerns because they get wrinkle or fat, and some male running after younger chick with no wrinkle nor fat. Since not everybody is like that everywhere in the world, there are no mid life crisis.
Life is an awakening. There is no gage or age as to when or to what we awaken. I'm suggesting, that by 40, we are waist deep in the lives we have set up for ourselves based on our ideals at 20. At 40....we assess whether we are still on our chosen life path. Many are.....more are not. So this is the time we make changes. The effect of that often creates crisis and chaos.
P.C. wrote:
That's why I prefer to think of it as an awakening....not a crisis. It often brings with it, chaos and change.....but once the dust has settled, it usually results in a surer step in the right direction.
By this definition I've had a 'mid life crisis' at
14-15,18-20, summer of 22.
saying you have a crisis at 40 only is a joke. There are many people on this board whose toughest 'crisis' years were late teens early 20s. Mid Life crisis is a joke and people who think they're going through one is rather silly.
I think its more appropriate to call it 'years you realize you are going to die'. The first one usually happens in the early 20's, then when you hit 40 you get that 'over the hill' label. Then 60 it becomes 'the finish line is approaching' and then 80 its 'I've reached the end, death is real to me'.
Then 30 is 'ugh why didn't I do this or that in my 20s, I don't like where I am' etc.
I live in a multi-generational house. Each of these outlooks I've seen from the 6 people living in it.
SD.. what PC is trying to get at (to me anyhow), is that MOST people tend to have major life changes, ie a mid life crisis, when they are close to their 40's. IF they have a mid life crisis at all. Mid life crisis IMO is when you realize you are getting older, your life seems half over, and you havent done many of the things you wanted to when you were younger cause you were concentrating on life. Thats why you see people buying muscle or performance cars when they are in their forties that they wished they had before.. Or buy a motorcycle.. or quit their job and do something completely different when it seems nuts to leave a job that they have worked their whole life for.
But not everyone has a mid life crisis.. or would call it that. And not everyone has to 'conform' to what a midlife crisis is.. its not black and white.
First we would have to define what 'crisis' is. At 14 -15, 18 - 20.....crisis is defined differently. Drama and life crisis are quite different. The reason it is labeled a crisis in mid life, is because the time to change is often weighed down with much baggage and the realization that the time left to shift one's whole life is dramatically shortened. It doesn't necessarily define the degree of crisis....it's just minus the luxury of time to make the changes.
Not sure how you can conclude what you may face, or how you will feel at 40 when you are 20. It is absolutely, undeniably impossible.
Much better interpretation Russ. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c014.gif" border=0]
lol. P.C. and Russ you are basically backing up my interpretation of a "mid life crisis" its all about death, has nothing to do with life or career or whatever.
Russ talks about people in their 60s buying muscle cars. Duh, they didn't do that in their younger days and as they're nearing the end of their life, they want to have fun and feel young again, go out with a bang if you will.
P.C. you sound like you're pulling an ageism card, saying that what happened in your teens couldn't possibly be as hard as a 'mid life crisis' in your 40s. I'm sorry, but that's total bs. Go to a war torn country and talk to kids or go to a Jewish Retirement Centre and talk to Holocaust survivors, talk to teen rape victims, teenage mothers, kids who dealt with drug issues in their teens and so on.
'mid life crisis' is made up and if anything its only through career choices and it is not struggled based which are real issues.
But 'career choices' are not limited to the 40 to 50 crowd. It can happen at any age.
I can't watch college football for example, especially when Mizzou is playing. My brain immediately goes "SD that could have been you and it probably would have been if..."
Now, that is exactly whatever this silly idea of a 'mid life crisis is', it's looking back at something you could have done, but decided not to pursue. Everyone has that in their life and just because you have those thoughts at 40 or 50, the same thoughts you had at 35,30,25,20 etc. doesn't mean you get to own the ownership of the word 'mid life crisis'.
It is a silly idea to suggest that "what if...." 's in your life, which you have everyday if you ever reminisce about life (which we all do) then all of a sudden when you reach a certain age become a 'mid life crisis'.
it's a petty idea considering if you're having a 'mid life' you're probably saying 'what if...' then forgetting what you actually have in front of you. (you probably have kids, a partner in life, or maybe no kids or partner but a cat and travelled the entire world). Be comfortable with your own life and what's around you and quit dwelling on the what if's. Just live for god sakes. Life doesn't stop for you, quit moping about stupid shit and get back to living.
Pretty in depth^
Guess school isn't that busy for you yet?
.
One simple question SD. Have you BEEN 40 before ? Your opinions at this stage can only be based on what you THINK it might be like to have reached the middle of your life.
Holocaust ? Rape ? Drugs ? Nobody is comparing 'mid-life crisis' with tragedy. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Zero, zip, zilch.
I would go as far as saying that mid-life crisis (aside from being nothing more than a term) is not necessarily a bad thing. It's not about 'moping' or not getting on with it. It's simply a time for realigning ones life with new found enlightenment.....if needed.
Pulling the ageism card ? I'm not pulling anything. I am merely suggesting that 20 can't know 40. Just the same as I can't claim knowledge of what 80 may bring. I can SEE what 80 looks like.....I can SEE what 80 does....I can LISTEN to what 80 says.....but I cannot FEEL what 80 feels like, until I am there.
I am quite happy to be able to say, that I have very different views on life now, than I did at 20. If that's what you mean by 'pulling the ageism card'......guilty as charged.....with no shame attached.
haha pl with her dot. lol
No. You make it sound like its the toughest thing, when reality it's just you going 'what if' at 40 and 50 instead of 20 or 30 etc.
If most mid life's are career based, then it is a 'what if'. Like 'what if I went into engineering instead of just music' or 'what if I had taken this job 20 years ago, my family would be better of'.
that's what if'ing and not a mid life crisis which is apparently what a mid life crisis is.
Add:
Pulling the ageism card ? I'm not pulling anything. I am merely suggesting that 20 can't know 40.
And 40 has apparently forgotten that they were thinking the same thing at 20.
I never suggested, implied or insinuated anywhere that it was the toughest thing. It is, however, not as simple, when you have come to the realization, that correcting your 'mischoices' now affect more than just yourself....and they often do. To suggest you have an inkling what it may be like for someone at 40 to switch tracks from a life that they may have been doing nothing more than tolerating, instead of living, is pretty presumptuous.
And 40 has apparently forgotten that they were thinking the same thing at 20.
40 did not forget 20 here. But it took me a little longer before I learned how much I didn't know and that I would never stop learning. A big leap, considering we think we know it all at 17.
If you are saying you are sure you will be thinking the same at 40 as you are today, is that not the same as saying that you are thinking the same at 20 as you were at 1 ?
what about that movie coming out with Brad Pitt? Where he is born old and becomes young?
That would through some 40 year old thoughts in a different direction.
Not sure what that show is called?
Not sure what that show is called?
Ask SD. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/4.gif) [/DIV]
That reminds me of a movie with Jennifer Gardner where she was 13 turning 30 or something like that....
P.C. wrote:
Not sure what that show is called?
Ask SD. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/4.gif) [/DIV][/DIV]
One thing at a time, I am trying to catch up on the midlife crisis knowledge!
Well, if you have any questions, you know who to ask. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
Dear Abby?
*re-enters the room*
damn! I got busy and missed all the fireworks.
P.C. wrote:
[em]And 40 has apparently forgotten that they were thinking the same thing at 20.[/em]
40 did not forget 20 here. But it took me a little longer before I learned how much I didn't know and that I would never stop learning. A big leap, considering we think we know it all at 17.
If you are saying you are sure you will be thinking the same at 40 as you are today, is that not the same as saying that you are thinking the same at 20 as you were at 1 ?
I'm not talking 'changing of views' to me that's not what people or I consider a 'midlife crisis'.
To my extent of seeing people going through a midlife crisis it has always been about 'what if' during the past 20 or so years. Usually stemming from a decision in university to go in one direction against the advice of a parent or something that happened around 30 or so when the opportunity to change careers happened, but for whatever reason the person in question decided not to act.
Same thing in my opinion can be applied to relationships as well.
For some reason I seem to have missed it.
Sportsdude wrote:
I'm not talking 'changing of views' to me that's not what people or I consider a 'midlife crisis'.
To my extent of seeing people going through a midlife crisis it has always been about 'what if' during the past 20 or so years. [FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffff40"]Usually stemming from a decision in university to go in one direction against the advice of a parent or something that happened around 30 or so when the opportunity to change careers happened,[/FONT] but for whatever reason the person in question decided not to act.
OMG, you're not talking about me, are you?
I'm not talking 'changing of views' to me that's not what people or I consider a 'midlife crisis'.
To my extent of seeing people going through a midlife crisis it has always been about 'what if' during the past 20 or so years. Usually stemming from a decision in university to go in one direction against the advice of a parent or something that happened around 30 or so when the opportunity to change careers happened, but for whatever reason the person in question decided not to act.
Same thing in my opinion can be applied to relationships as well.
You know.....it's REALLY OK for you to not know what it's like to be 40.
Who needs Dr Phil anymore?
purelife wrote:
[em]Sportsdude wrote:
[/em]
[em][/em][/div][em]I'm not talking 'changing of views' to me that's not what people or I consider a 'midlife crisis'.
To my extent of seeing people going through a midlife crisis it has always been about 'what if' during the past 20 or so years. [font style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 64);"]Usually stemming from a decision in university to go in one direction against the advice of a parent or something that happened around 30 or so when the opportunity to change careers happened,[/font] but for whatever reason the person in question decided not to act.[/em]
OMG, you're not talking about me, are you?
Noooo, I'm talking about my father, who is going through a 'midlife crisis'. He's telling me to be a double major and going to law school eventually, because he regrets following his own father's advice about not double majoring in engineering and music. Then at 30, his career stalled he tried something new, but then went back to his music career because he wanted to spend more time with me.
[div]
P.C. wrote:
[em][/em]You know.....it's REALLY OK for you to not know what it's like to be 40.
Life is not complicated, we just make it so and my parents went through the 40 and the 50 and one of them tells me what its and its the same regret, regret, should of done this, should have taken this advice, shouldn't have bought this, etc.
I don't know how you raised your kids, but I was always kept in the loop of things or what one of them was going through they'd tell me.
I don't know, but I can see it and I've lived with people going through it.
That's like suggesting you know what it's like to be a quadriplegic because you've sat in a wheelchair before. Some day you'll get the difference between observing something and experiencing it.
um no.
I explained in the pm.
Yes....you explained what you have observed. You aren't in a position to explain what you have experienced in your mid-life yet....because it's impossible. It's not an insult....it just is what it is.
I can relate to the life I have. Nobody knows when their midlife will be... So the idea of 'mid life' is rather funny if you think about it. Not everybody lives to their 80s. We think about this stuff and then we're gone tomorrow in some freak accident.
I resign from this topic. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c019.gif" border=0]
haha. me too.
I am pretty sure when someone says midlife, they mean the avereage person with an avereage lifespan.
Looks like this thread's midlife was over before it started?
When in doubt, check Wikipedia! LOL Here's what it says:
Midlife crisis is a term used in [A title="Western culture" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_culture"]Western societies[/A] to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" of life, as a result of sensing the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. Sometimes, transitions experienced in these years, such as aging in general, [A title=Menopause href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menopause"]menopause[/A], the death of parents, or [A title="Empty nest syndrome" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empty_nest_syndrome"]children leaving home[/A], can trigger such a crisis. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day to day life or situation, such as in career, marriage, or romantic relationships.
Many middle aged adults experience major life events that can cause a period of psychological stress or depression, such as the death of a loved one, or a career setback. However, those events could have happened earlier or later in life, making them a "crisis," but not necessarily a midlife one.
[A href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid_life_crisis"]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid_life_crisis[/A]
Oops, I completely missed your link.
OK.....I'm unresigning.
It says.....it is a term used to describe 'a period of time'. Not all societies, not a group of people....not a majority, or even a general population or percentage. It's a name for a period of time that some people experience. It doesn't suggest that everyone suffers it or that it is an occurance to be expected by all.
Not unlike the 'empty nest syndrome'. Some people go through long bouts of depression, feeling that their importance in life is over, while others have their kids rooms turned into a pool room, just so they can have a table to dance on, before their clothes are even packed. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
If its a 'period of time' couldn't it happen at any age? I mean not everyone's parents die at old age and not everyone's kids leave between 40-50. With people having kids now between 40-45 we're talking 60-65 in terms of 'empty nesting' right? I just don't think a mid life crisis has to happen at someones 'mid life'.
Funny PC, when I was 18 and left home my dad had the locks changed and my room turned into a home gym before I got to the sidewalk!
(ok exagerating), but they never begged me to stay home either.
lol Van. Your dad was a well adjusted parent. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c033.gif" border=0]
LOL Van.
My dad's gonna put a pool table. :)
My room is a library, but they kept up the flags, the 50 or so political pictures on the wall, because in their words "It's SD's room, it would just look weird if all those europeans and the flags weren't up." lol