So here I sit, at the precipice of a new life. Just waiting for that magical e-mail to tell me when I can start my new $30,000 per year job. In the meantime, I'm just killing time in this town, reflecting on all the things that happened to me this past year. Starting from my dramatic midnight move from my $800.00 a month apartment in June 2005. I had lost my job the previous December & my U.I. had just started, but I was in financial ruin, to the point I was a month behind in my rent & had an eviction notice tacked to my front door. Hydro had cut the power to my suite the previous week. as I sat in my cold & darkened suite, I realized I could no longer live there. I had nothing to lose now, so I grabbed what little I could stuff into a cab & headed for the ferry to the Island, where I jumped aboard the last sailing of the night & found accomodations in a chintzy little motel in town. It hadn't hit me yet, the enormity of what I was doing, that I was leaving my old life on the mainland behind & making a fresh start here. All that mattered to me that night was to escape. To get away.[/p] About a week later I would find temporary accomodations in this Hostle, where I still was in a daze about what I had done. I came to this town, literally fresh off the boat. I knew no one here & never felt so completely alone in all my life. U.I. & boredom can make a deadly mix & nowhere was this true, on one particular hot July night. I was walking around town, with no particular destination in mind, just out for a stroll, when I must have strolled into the "wrong side of the tracks" part of town. I was accosted by this "professional lady" & offered favors for a very modest price. For some reason I accepted. I won't go into gruesome details, but during the encounter, I made a shocking discovery that this "she" was actually a "he" I thought that was the lowest point of my life then & I've been desperately trying to put it out of my mind ever since.[/p] One night, as I was watching TV in the Hostle, a gentleman began talking to me. It turned out, that he was in a somewhat similar situation to me, having moved from out of town here. Well, it was through this gentleman I was introduced to John. John owned a shop in town & was thinking about purchasing a computer & going on line with his business. Problem was, he didn't know the first thing about them. Well, through our mutual friend, we ironed out a tentative deal to get his business up & running. Unfortunately, I bit off more than I could chew & it quickly became evident I would be unable to help John in the manner he needed & despite his charitable gesture of putting me up for a month in the back of his store, free of rent I had to move on. [/p] It was now October, 2005 & I had finally found accomodations in the form of a rooming house. Without hesitation, I jumped at the room for $350.00 per month & moved in. Here, I would meet a whole cast of "charachters", each of whom was interesting in their own way. The 2 apparent heads of the house were Doug & Dave. These 2 were classic scammers & even conned ME into working a shift for them, in which I was SO out of my element I couldn't beleive I had let myself get talked into such a thing.[/p] Eventually tho, Doug & Dave found greener pastures back on the mainland & moved out. This cleared the way for Douglas C. to become lord & master of the house. It was a this point, that my stay began to get troublesome. Douglas C. is a classic alcoholic. It would become routine to come home on a Friday night & find him passed out in his Martin Crane-type chair in the living rooom around 9:00 pm. A lovely sight to come home to.[/p] It was during this time also, that I had decided to re-join the working world & got myself a job at a call center in town, earning $9.00 p/h. Well, the training paid that. The 1st day we were released out onto the floor, I realized it was not for me & quickly bolted. Undeterred, I spent the next week dropping resume's like bombs, all over town. Eventually, I got a call back for one of them. A Security company, which was my field of expertise. I went for an interview & was hired right on the spot. MAN I never felt as powerful as I did, that day I walked out of that office. I was on a real roll.[/p] It should be noted however, that behind the scenes I had discontinued my anti-depressant medication back in August, because I couldn't afford it any longer. & because I weened myself off so gradually, & suffered no withdrawl effects, I had no Idea just how bad I was off. About a week into my new job, the boss called me in & told me I wasn't performing to his expectations so far. I took what he said hard, but decided to pick up the gauntlet & work even harder the next week. Well the next week came & went & my boss said he did notice I was working beter. Whew! big sigh of releif. Looks like I'm gonna stay on then. Cut to the following Monday. I have a little vocal outbirst & my boss calls me into his office & told me I wasn't working out & just like that I had been let go. as I slinked home, I REALLY began to feel depressed. My whole being suddenly just felt the weight of the entire world on my back. I was even entering words into my cellphone, which I kept as a personal diary at the time like: "failure, sadness, sadness & heavy, failure, suicide." This told me something was very wrong. & to make matters worse, when I told my landlord why I was home so early that day, he told me that he was serving me, & everybody in the house 60 days eviction notice, as he was selling the house. So in the span of about 4 hours, I had managed to lose my job & get served with an eviction notice. I beleive there is a point where your brain just kind of shuts off to all that's hapening. A kind of overload protection when so many bad things happen to you at once, your brain is incapable of processing it all, so it just goes on automatic & provides you with the most basic functions, like breathing & eating. A kind of "Safe Mode" if you will & I beleive that is what happened to me when I was served my eviction notice.[/p] The following Sunday, was the pinnacle that something was wrong with me. I had awoken in a strangley combative & agitated mood & I couldn't account for it. I remember walking to the 7-11 for a coffee in the morning, encountering this man & his girl & having the uneasy senation that he was staring at me. Giving me some sort of testosterone stare down for the benefit of his girlfriend. I hated the feeling & this further contributed to my agitation. Next came the bus incident. As I was boarding the bus, the bus driver closed the doors on me & we ended up getting in an argument. I got off the bus a few stops later, with no real destination in mind, but I was in a mental ruin. I wanted to kill everybody. I knew I was in serious trouble. I text messaged my old friend from the Hostle, whom was now driving a cab & he came by & picked me up & after a coffee with him I felt better. It wouldn't last. As soon as he let me off at a bus stop, I got into an exchange with a lady there as well! that was it. I had to go home. I rushed home & locked myself inside my room for the rest of the day. I was a danger to society & could go off at a moments notice & was for the 1st time in my entire life, as I really didn't know what I might be capable of doing. [/p] The following Wedensday, (We're now in Jan 2006 btw)was the low point. Where the bottom fell out. I went to the mall & went to duy a hot dog at the Orange Julius. When I swiped my bank card, I got that horrifying NSF on the bank machine. I KNEW I had at least a couple hundred dollars in there. I hurriedly made a panicked call to my bank, where the lady informed me, in her broken english accent, that because I had left town w/o notice, the bank had yanked my overdraft from me, leaving me with LITERALLY not a cent to my name. I hung up the phone in numed shock. I was now penniless. I had no collaterral & not a cent to my name. I couldn't beleive it. It's impossible to accurately relate the experience to someone, because it's just something you have to experience first hand, to appreciate. To suddenly have no money, not even enough to EAT. After the fog lifted, & I could at least stand up I began to realize what I was gonna have to do. I was gonna have to tuck my pride (like I had any left at this point) between my legs & plead my case to welfare for some sort of emergency funds. I won't go on about the 3-ring circus they put me through, but ultimately I DID get help. I honestly don't know I survived, let alone find the strength to go through it, but it was a life altering experience for me & it changed me forever, not to mention pointed out to me that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. Life had me on the mat for the 10 count & I managed to pick myself up for at least one more round. I realize it was a handout, but nevertheless - when I got that $98.00 from the welfare office, my life was saved & I felt like I had just received a reprieve from the grave. That was the turning point. My life got better after that.[/p] The following weekend, I returned to the mainland for my monthly visit with my folks, well my best friend from childhood had hunted me down & found out through my folks that I would be visiting them that weekend & offered me a job with his company. I told him of my situation, to which he told me to send him my resume & we'll talk.[/p] After I returned to my place on the Island & did send him my resume, he said he & his boss liked it & he told me to come back to his place, in the city Friday night & he would let me crash at his pad. He bought me dinner Friday night & when we awoke Saturday, he & his girlfriend wisked me away downtown for what I can only explain as a dream. You know those shows where they pick seemingly random people & give them a makeover? Well, my friend & his gilfriend took me to all kinds of shops & specialty stores & $400.00 later, at HIS expense! I had been outfitted with a whole brand-new wardrobe, INCLUDING a nice suit for the interview with his boss, which was to take place the following Wedensday. I couldn't beleive that somebody would do something so nice for me. I'm a man, but I'm not ashamed to admit I was in tears. I had never received such kindness & my only hope for the rest of my life, is that I may someday be able to do the same for, if not him, then somebody else. It was a life altering experience.[/p] Well I showed up there, at the heart of the financial district in the city at the office & there to meet me was my friend, telling me how sharp I looked in my new suit. I never felt so good. the suit WAS indeed empowering. It must have rubbed off on me too, because the interview went well. I felt an instant ease with my perspective new boss & as it stands now, am just waiting for the official word, which my friend tells me, should come at any day now. I kind of figured I'd already be working, but after all that's happened to me these past months, I can afford to wait a little longer.[/p]
Wow what a story. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck.
CENSORED FOR YOUR PLEASURE.
OMG, someone wrote more that Sportsdude! IAMSHOCKED!
that is really really long.
PostMonkee @(^_^)@ wrote:
Just a hint, the introductory paragraph to a novel-length post should make the reader hungry to read more.
Yours made me want to defecate.
On your face.
Hope this helps. It probably won't as Mr. the whole world is against me is definately a loser. Even if he went for a good slash up he would probably f'uck that up as well.
Your response Postmonkee is definately what Mr im gonna bore the shit out of everyone needs.
Having you shit on his face wont help his plight however he will always be a loser but it made me happy thinking about it. ROTFLMAO!
If you continue such grand advice i suggest you be elected as a mod as the present ones just lack that substance that you possess!
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/21/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] The Email That Changed My Life [/p] [p class="blogContent"] I got it. I had been sitting at the computer all day, at the web cafe, monitoring my email, when it came. Shortly after 2 pm, I got the email, telling me that I had been approved & I had been hired & to get my ass back to the mainland & just like that, my island exile was over. I quickly called my friend, who stressed I get back over there quickly. Without even stopping off to pick up my belongings, I called a cab & headed immediately out to the ferry, as I was. No overnight bag - nothing. I dropped everything & just left. I had just missed the 3'oclock ferry & the next sailing wasn't till 5 o'clock. I had never waited a longer 2 hours in my life! The ferry couldn't arrive soon enough. As I waited, I took a long, pensive walk around the terminal, in a daze. The enormity of my suddenly changed life hadn't hit me yet. I was just going on automatic. Just doing. Nothing else. [/p] Finally, the ferry arrived & although the ship was crowded, it didn't affect me in the slightest. I was going home. Ironic indeed, that the very city I had fled from, now was going to be my salvation. In celebration, I pigged out in the cafeteria - & why not? I now had money & more importantly - a future![/p] After what seemed to be an eternity, the ferry finally docked & I ambled off, trailing well behind the throngs of passengers. I could afford to take my time. I was finally home.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/22/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] The Day Before [/p] [p class="blogContent"] After an understandibly restless sleep on my parents couch, I woke up & poured coffee for mom & dad & soon set out to begin looking for an apartment. It was a rainy day, typical for this town at this time of year. I took the bus downtown & decided I shouldn't start on an empty stomach, so I treated - more like abused myself to a breakfast at Rotten Ronnie's (McD's), after which, I went to the web cafe across the street, where I printed off my findings from apartmenthunter.com.
After various phone enquiries & knocking on doors, it became all too clear, that I wasn't going to find a place today. Add to which, the constantly pouring rain made my task even more difficult. I decided to check out the Y & see what they had. On paper, they had a very nice brochure, complete with pictures, making the price of only about $650.00 for 1 month very appealing. Well, when I got there, I was met by a very curt & abrupt manager, whom seemed intent in running more of a business, than an emergency shelter. They insisted the money would have to be paid up front & despite my efforts to relate to them my sorrowful story of just starting a new job tomorrow & having no money till my 1st payday, they would hear none of it. They wanted the money up front. Period. End of sentence. Well, feeling disgouraged at my failing here, I decided to give up for the day. I called my friend, whom was just headed out to lunch & said he would come & pick me up. I told him I would be waiting in a web cafe across the street. It was there that I found out.
Upon logging into the computer I was assigned, the homepage was set to MSN news & there was the headline: BC Ferry Sinks. I did a doubletake & saw the picture to be the Queen Of The North. No. NO... NOT her! Oh PLEASE let this be a joke. But it wasn't. The incident had only just happened about 10 hours previous, so details were still sketchy, but the bottom line was, a ship that I had many childhood fond memories of & a sentimental, nostalgic attachment to had gone down. I couldn't beleive it. It just seemed so impossible, like the death of a loved one & I guess it was for me. I have had very few people in my life I have been able to love, so I guess I transferred my love to the ferries. They never turned me down, or said no, or turned their noses up at me. They just gave me many years of happy cruises & wonderful times & to hear that a ship that I loved so dear was suddenly gone. You know when someone you love passes away suddenly & you instantly think how you never spent enough time with them? Or never told them how much they meant to you? That's kind of what I felt, a feeling that I had always taken it for granted that she would always be around. Let this be a lesson to anybody who may read this - if there is anybody in your life you never told how much you love, or you have any loose ends with, finnish it now! You never know when they might be gone for good. I immediately ran to the payphone across the street & called my folks & told them to tune into the news. It had just gone noon & so the news was just starting. I guess they must have been in shock too, because I lost the connection with them, so I just hung up myself. I still can't beleive she's gone. My mind recalling the Gordon Lightfoot epic: "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" Ironically, it was around the time of my 1st trip on this ship that that song came out. Indeed, a tragic irony.
Despite this, I still had a job to do & more importantly lunch with my friends. When my friend picked me up, I related the news & told him how distraught I was, but I put on my game face, because this was going to be after all, my co-worker & boss in a few hours. We had lunch downtown on his tab, once again & after he let me off downtown, I thanked him & continued on my way. I had given up looking for a place on the day, especially in light of what I had heard had happened - I just coluldn't lend myself to it right now. Instead I went home & commisserated with my folks. If I wasn't on such heavy Anti-depressants, I'm sure I would have broke down & cried I really felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. What a thing to have to contend with. It's enough that I gotta deal with the stress of starting a new career, in a new office tomorrow, but to have this added to my plate as well. Tomorrow is gonna be interesting to say the least.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
Tomorrow is gonna be interesting to say the least
To whom, may I ask?
If you continue such grand advice i suggest you be elected as a mod as the present ones just lack that substance that you possess! [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"]This is not DV where the mods are almost universally despised. I think if you ask around you will find that nearly everyone here loves our mod to death, so when you slam her you aren't making any friends. It's an important distinction. At DV shitting on the mods is the national sport. Over here it just brands you as a griefer so unless you want to go the way of you know who and end up getting you know whated, take it easy on the DS staff.
[p class="blogSubject"] First Day At New Job [/p] [p class="blogContent"] [/p] 5:30. Time to get up & not a moment too soon, after another night on this wretched couch. Well, this is it. The 1st day at my new job. Of course, I am just sh****** myself in anxiety. Who wouldn't be? You're about to see just what you've gotten yourself into for the next 10-15 years (hopefully) So, I put the coffee on & once again, serve it to my folks in bed. Oh, how I wish I were THEM today. After slipping on my monkey suit, I amble outside & walk to the bus stop, where newblood joins the herd of no-doubt longtime bus stop acquaintences. I say a nervous hello to the gentleman who breaks the awkward ice with a greeting & soon I'm on the bus, headed downtown. Avoiding the glances of the other passengers, I eventually arrive at my destination. I make a last stopover at the food fair, before I make my intentional half an hour early debut. The elevator door opens. This is it. I take one last deep breath & ring the doorbell to the office. **** opens the door, with a nice, friendly grin & tone & greets me cheerfully with: "Good morning! You must be Alec. Come in!" Instantly, her tone puts me at ease, or at least, makes me a little less nervous. She guides me to my seat & allows me a few minites "to get settled in." How does anybody "get settled in" in the 1st few minutes of starting a new career, in a new place? Anyway, **** was very personable & went a long way toward making me feel less nervous & regardless of whatever happens to me, I will always be greatful for the way she treated me. Her's was my 1st impression of my new workplace & she made quite a favorable one.[/p] As the morning wore on, I would be introduced to various members of the office staff, knowing full well there wasn't a hope in HELL of me remembering any of their names. They all had an unfair advantage, they all just had to remeber (1) name, I have to remeber about 20. But, I would meet & greet them all, in my sheepish-new boy way. Eventually lunch came around & I went down to the waterfront, where I was so nervouse about not taking too long a lunch break, I hardly enjoyed it. Of course, I came back from lunch, like 20 mins. early. All to leave a favorable impression of the new guy's work ethic. [/p] Finally, 4:30 rolled around & of course, I waited till nearly 5pm, when my friend came came up to me & told my 1st day was over & that it was a success. Whew! So I got through it. I kind of suspected I'd survive the affair - still, when you have yet to go through the whole ordeal, it can be quite nerve-wracking BUT I survived it & it was time to go home. After joining my friend for a smoke break & a review of the day & my 1st impressions, I was on the bus back home. I arrived home in time to tell the folks I had survived the day & raided the fridge & fixe dmyself a quick dinner before bedding down at the shamefully early time of 8:00 pm. The day had taken alot out of me, but I survived.
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/24/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] Day 2 [/p] [p class="blogContent"] Ok. I survived the 1st day. Time to see if I can survive a second. I did the morning routine & gave the folks coffee & the paper in bed & headed off to work. This time, my nerves considerably lesser frayed. I got in around 7:30 AM again, always wanting to appear the eager beaver & would ultimately endure another day of close-by instruction. One thing I will say, there are a few attractive women in my office. It's gonna be hard not thinking "impure thoughts" about some of them, but I know I'll survive. & to boot, it was Friday too & at the end of the day, my friend brought those of us, who would go over to a bar across the street & bought us drinks on the co. tab. Ya know? I think I just may like it here! [/p] Again, wanting to appear proper & responsible, I ducked out after just 1 drink & **** offered me a ride home, as she happened to live on the same side of town that I was staying in. As we rode, I got to know a little more about her & thus, making feel more at ease with my new co-worker. She dropped me off & I thanked her for the ride & I ambled in & told the folks I had indeed, made it through another day.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
Good job trefilov !
good job trefilov..
oh and by the way...
goats.
you will love the island and I wish you all the best
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/25/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] The 1st Weekend. [/p] [p class="blogContent"] So, I survived my 1st couple of days at my new job. Although I didn't do THAT much work. I get the sense it was more to see whether-or-not I'd fit in with the rest of the office. I can only hope I did, as I did my best to put on my sunny-jim, smiling side, even thlogh I was nervous as hell. [/p] But this was the weekend now & time to sit back & do nothing. I slept till about 9:00 AM & got the loveables their traditional coffee in bed & did a few chores to help earn my keep. Sad really, a 37 year-old man, having to do chores to have the priviledge of sleeping on a cat-piss reeking couch at his parents place. But, you have to take the positives in cases like these I suppose & at least I DO have a roof over my head.[/p] Loveable father dear was in a combative mood though & he wasted no time in asserting his authority as still ruler & master of the house by outlining various rules & procedures for me while I was staying under their roof, sigh. As I had no money, I wasn't in a position, unfortunately to leave the house, so it ended up getting kinda crowded in there that Saturday. Nightfall couldn't come fast enough, but after a few naps, in an effort to eat away the day, night did finally come & so ended my 1st Saturday, back on the mainland.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/26/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] Sunday [/p] [p class="blogContent"] [/p] Ok, Today, I HAVE to get out. Even if it's just for a bit. I tell ya, living with a couple of old,old folks will drive ya NUTS. Again, I slept in a little & got coffee for the folks, to appease them & throughout the day, slept & napped, as did mom & dad. Quite an existence we all lead now, isn't it? Finally, around 3pm, I'd had enough. I took what little change I had & headed out. I didn't care where I went, I just had to get out of there. I walked up toward the mall & ultimately ended up taking the bus down to the waterfront, where I did a long, contemplative walk, trying to digest my now current situation. It still hasn't hit me yet. I wonder how long it will take before it does? I hung around till around 5:30 & used the very last of my change, which barely covered bus fare back home & did head back home.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 04/15/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] Got A Place! [/p] [p class="blogContent"] Another weekend & that means another couple o' days of killin' time, while trying to stay out of mom & dad's hair. I caught the bus downtown & had breakfast at Rotten Ronnie's & once again, went across the street to print off a list of potential places to rent. I mean sooner,or later I gotta get out from under my folks place. There's only so much old foggery & cat shit/piss you can take. [/p] After printing off my list, I headed down to the west side & set up post at a payphone. Let's see here...Ok, here's the 1st place on my list...bachelor suite, $740.00 a month. Ok, I'll give them a call & leave a message at least. Oh? Hello. Someone actually answered. It was the assistant manager. She said she could show it to me right now, if I'm available. It turns out, I was only 5 blocks away from the place I was phoning. So, I jogged on over where she met me at the front door & she took me upstairs to look at the suite. Needless to say, the bachelor whom was currently staying in it, had it looking like a bomb hit it, but something about it grabbed me & within a minute, I had my chequebook out, writing out the deposit. Well, I must have known on some level this place was hot, because, as I was writing the cheque, another person called the lady on her cell, inquiring about this very suite! No SHIT, it was THAT quick! She told them the suite had been rented & hung up & then to boot, some people actually came by to look at the suite. Well, I nearly shit myself when she told them that I had just rented the suite from under them. Great! Why don't you just paint a great big target on my face lady? They gave me a faint smile, but I'm sure they just wanted to kill me for "stealing" it from under them. But the bottom line was, I now had a place! Finally! - a light at the end of the tunnel. I could now put a timetable on how long I would have to remain at my folks place & sleep on that damn couch. I left there, after filling out the rental agreement, feeling on top of the world. A major hurdle had been cleard on my road back to respectability. Now, all that's left is to improve at my job & start chipping away at my debts.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
The new reality:
[img id=pd_foreclosure_070612_ms.jpg height=310 alt=foreclosure src="http://a.abcnews.com/images/US/pd_foreclosure_070612_ms.jpg" width=413]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 04/17/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] WTF!??? [/p] [p class="blogContent"] I could tell I was gonna be only one of a very few suckers going into work today by the, maybe 2 people that caught the bus into town. Hardly anybody showed up at the office, maybe like 5 out of 16. Needles to say, it ended up being a VERY laid back day, but still I mamaged to get some work done. It was what awaited me when I got back home that inspires the title of this entry. [/p] When I scrambled up to my parents open patio door, I was greeted by the sound of whirring fans & about 5, blue monsters - flood fans, actually - taken up root in my parents suite. Their story was, apparently one of the girls from Home Healthcare had turned on the washer, when it was already full of water. Hmmmm. Not having enough energy to launch an on-the-spot inquest, I just shook my head, knowing full well that my mother was somehow responsible. Dad, seemed to be taking it all in stride, which surprised me. Usually in something like this, he'd hit the roof. I guess tho, he's had to put up with so many of mother's shenannigans over the years, that this might not be all that foreign to him. That in itself is scary. I whipped up a dinner of Kraft Dinner & weiners & around 9 pm, began to feel tired. I wish I could say I fell fast asleep, but when you're trying to sleep amongst 5 flood fans, that's wishful thinking. It's more accurate to say, I slept periodically through the night, awaking about once every hour. Christ, I won't be able to get outta here fast enough![/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
lol, trefilov. What a day indeed.
[table class="blog" id="BlogTable" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"][tbody][tr id="blog-5"][td width="100%"] [p class="blogTimeStamp"] 04/20/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr] [td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogContent"]
I had my 1st bit of tension at work today. Too bad too, because everything had been going so well. ****** started ripping me apart around 3pm about how I was doing certain things. Obviously I wasn't catching on fast enough & I could see * was getting frustrated with having to explain again to me. ***** **** I hate them. They're all so perfectionist & their work ethic makes **** *** look bad by comparison. Add to that, I never have mixed well with anal retentive personalities. There could be a problem here. As I said, everything had been going so well. It's not like I'm throwing in the towell, or anything like that - It's just that for the 1st time here, I'm disappointed in myself & in the fact that I take it so personally & react so strongly. I thought the dope was supposed to counteract that, so what gives? As I said, it HAD been a good day, up until this point. Unfortunately, I just couldn't let it go & when I unloaded my experience on my dad, he was less than sympathetic, saying I couldn't be that soft, could I? He's right. I mean Christ, here's a 37 yr old man, "hurt" because someone criticised him? ****, suck it up princess! Deal with it! Life isn't all roses, sometime life sucks, move on.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 04/21[span style="background-color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]/2006[/span] [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] One Month Point [/p] [p class="blogContent"] Ok. I think I know what may have been the cause of my over-sensitivity yesterday. Or at least something that added to it. I decided to go without coffee today, in an effort to take any edge off, in order to feel less sensitive to any criticism I may receive at work. Turns out, I didn't receive any - mostly because I was left to my own to do my own thing & that was just fine with me. But I definately noticed the lack of coffee did make me less sensitive & therefore I have decided to cut down on the coffee intake during the week. I hardly saw ****, which made my day easier & allowed me to concentrate on my task & not have to worry about being criticised. [/p] The day ultimately did pass by quick enough & before I knew it, it was over. Another week has gone by & more importantly, I passed my 1st month. With this milestone accomplished, I headed home & reaped the benefits of downloading the entire series of the 70's Sci-Fi series, Space: 1999, for 3 weeks. Finally, all 16 gigs, 48 episodes had downloaded to my computer & I could finally watch them now & I closed out the day, doing just that.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
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[/td] [/tr] [tr id="blog-7"] [td width="100%"] [p class="blogTimeStamp"] 04/26/2006 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr] [td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogContent"] Today, during lunch I went to the apartment to pick up the keys to my suite. Of course the manager wasn't there when I got there. That's what u get for not phoning ahead. So I waited, along with this cute I'd say - 20/21 yr old single mom. She was very pleasant & ultimately helped to disprove my theory that all young girls are b******. It was actually nice to meet someone like that. Of course I'd love to get to **** her on a strictly primitive level, but I still can appreciate a nice personality. I'm not that far gone yet. She even offered to let me go ahead of her, when the manager finally did arrive, but she was 1st & what's right is right. So, I let her do her thing & soon after I was able to get my keys from the manager & after which, I immediately trotted upstairs to my now empty suite. I have to say. This time, with it empty, it somehow lost the lustre it had. Perhaps that's because when I originally viewed it, I was just happy to have landed a place. ANY place. That & the fact, that a guy was living in it at the time, with all the furnishings, made it more appealing, but this time. It just looked like a big empty, grey room - with a MICRO kitchen & a bathroom that needed some cleaning. Oh well, HEY - at least it's mine right? My own little corner of the world. Something I've not had since June of last year & the fact that I was able to get ANY place at all without being blacklisted is a thing in itself. So, I took one last look at my impending destiny & shut & locked the door behind me. I must admit, there IS something satisfying about having that extra set of keys now. Kind of almost like a status symbol. The more keys you have = the more successful you are.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/01/200[span style="background-color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]7[/span] [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] FIRED! [/p] [p class="blogContent"] Well, my long struggle at BIFF! is finally over. When Tuna came in around 10:00 this morning & asked me if I had a minute to meet with him in the Board Room, I knew what was comming. I even whistled the Darth Vader theme as we sat down, to let him know that I knew what was comming & it must have helped break the ice because his opening phrase was: "So, it's been 10 months. I've gotta be honest with you, Alec it just isn't working out."
There must be some course for Executives where they teach these guys all the catch-phrases to let you know you're being fired. I guess it's a little more compassionate than the Donald's famous: "You're fired!"
In any case, I was out of a job again. Fortunately, Tuna & I were both able to agree to not let my failure here, interfere with our lifelong friendship. I mean, yes he did stick his neck out for me to get this job & dammit, I tried my very best, but in the end - it really wasn't working out. & knowing me so well, he offered some insight, that I maybe should stop looking outward & blaming all my problems on everyone else & start looking inward, at which I asked him if it wise for the company to axe me, when I had disclosed to them I was currently in therapy & trying to get help, at which he shot back with: "Well we're not a Charity. We're not obligated to keep you hired." While that may be so, I thought it was in pretty poor taste for him to say so. I may not know too much about Management, but I would think saying things like that to any employees would be frowned upon. But then again, he may have been talking to me as my best friend. Come to mention, my no longer working under him now, would at least take an awkward strain out of our friendship. I mean I never knew whether I was speaking to my boss or my friend. But still, all in all I have to say that even though I was now fired, I did feel a sense of relief.
He allowed me the dignity to quietly slip out of the office at my own leisure, which also was very kind & without even saying goodbye to any of my co-workers whom I had shared the last 10 months of my life with, I was out the door & on the street. Once again Unemployed.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/09/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] Applied for E.I. (Again) [/p] [p class="blogContent"] With the number of times I've been out of a job in the past 2 years, you'd think I'd be USED to visiting the E.I. Office by now.
As I was walking down to the office tho, I wondered: "How & where does someone draw the strength to get out of bed, let alone actually get dressed & go down to the E.I. Office, when you're in a depression & doped up on Effexor? I mean, I know that if I hadn't stopped for a coffee at Blenz on Davie, I just wouldn't have had the strength of will to go down to the E.I. office. Exactly the way it was when I lost my job in 2004, where Tuna actually had to take a day off from HIS job, & come & drag my sorry ass out of bed, just to get me down there.
Well, ironically, he was part of the forces responsible for me having to apply for E.I. this time, so I wouldn't be able to count on him comming to rescue me. He did enough for me in landing the job with his company. How could either of us have known that I would turn out to be Dyslexic & that I just wouldn't fit into the framework of the job he tried to provide for me. Thank god, we were both able to agree that when he had to let me go, we wouldn't let it affect our friendship. Although, I know he's disappointed that I wasn't able to stay on with his company & it must have been tough when Mitch told him to give me the axe, Mitch, knowing full well Tuna & I are best friends. Perhaps it IS for the better tho, as it definately did put a sort-of awkward strain on our friendship. I mean, I never knew, whether I was addressing Tuna as my boss, or as my friend. Mind you, our relationship has always been like that. somehow, I've always been in some sort of subordiante position to him. In my mind at least. I guess that's just one of the many indicators of how f*cked up I am mentally. I think I did the right thing applying for Disability, as my not being able to hold any kind of job in the last 2 years is a clear indicator of that.
So, here I sit, blogging my poor-me therapy for all to see, knowing that in the end, this is really just for my benefit, as no one will see this.
Thank god I'm able to write in such a way, that I can communicate my most inner thoughts. I know not everybody can be so honest with themselves, but I've come to realize at my age, that if you can't at LEAST be honest with yourself, there is no hope fpr growth.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/10/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"]
[/p] [p class="blogContent"] I may not have been blessed in the looks dept. but I guess, to compensate I WAS blessed with a bit of an acting talent. Knowing I was gonna have to tell D sooner-or-later about my latest shit-canning, I called him up this morning, & told him the reason why he didn't hear from me (He gets very panicky when he doesn't hear from his precious little 38 yr old boy at least once a week) was that I was fired. What I DIDN'T tell him tho, was the exact reason I got fired, the inflammatory email, but I told him everything else. Carefully constructing my alibi, so as to make me look like not only the clear victim in this episode, but actually a classy guy. Just to think. If I was to add that 1 little detail to my story, about my Ill-advised email, he'd receive me in a completely different light. Oh what a tangled web we weave...
So, I hopped the Davie bus & waited for the 210 at my usual stop.
I had a girl about half my age come up to me & ask me if I was waiting for thge 210. Of course, my desperately mal-nourished ego likes to think that she was hitting on me, but then, my self-doubting cynicism tells me "no" she really only wanted to know if she had missed her bus. I've heard somewhere, that women can sense when a man is confident & I was wearing a differrent shirt today, which I have to admit - DID give me a little boost, so who knows? Bottom line tho is: as I have done countless times in my life, I did nothing to follow up on the possibillity that she might have been interested in me & of course, my best rationalization being: she couldn't have been more than 21 - TOPS. & me, a nearly 40 yr old? Ahh neaho.
So I arrived at Dee's & he quickly indicated he would like to go out for lunch today & who could blame him? It was a surprisingly sunny day, so we seized upon the moment & took a cab down to White spot & had a very fulfilling lunch.
**Also of note** today was the 1st day I went from 113mg down to my long term dose of 75mg Effexor. I have to admit, I did feel a little more edgy today, but at least it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. We'll see how it goes in the comming days. So, after I babysat Dee at the Gatorfarm for the day, I bummed $20.00 from him & hit the road, just before the Home Healthcare nurse showed up at 4pm.
I don't mean to speak derrogatorially of my own father, because I do love him so. & I know he has done so much for me. It's just hard sometimes, listening to his woes of aging & his various aches & pains. I mean I feel for the guy, I really do. & it's frustrating for me, his son to not be able to protect him from the ravages of old age. I mean, talk about a bum deal. Here's a guy, who has the youthful outlook of a 20 yr old, but is betrayed by the rapidly decaying body of an 83 yr old. I love him so much I could cry.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/11/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogContent"] So, here it is. Sunday night, nearing 10 pm. What did I do today?
Got up around 7:30, stumbled around until I had enough wits about me to go to Blenz for my morning j-ava, where I took my usual seat at the window & witnessed life passing down Davie.on a typical grey Vancouver morning.
After, I went back to my place & wolfed down 8, yes that's right (8) pieces of Raisin Toast - all dripping with butter. I can't kill myself quick enough. & of course, after downing that much starch in such a quick time, my body shut down & I fell asleep & when I next woke up it was 7:30 p.m. Great way to kill a day off. AND economical too. I mean here it is 10pm & I still feel full from all that Raisin toast. There. I just yawned again, so obviously, today's a write-off. Not that I had sny elaborate itinerary to accomplish anyway.
Another day in the life of a valuable member of society.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/12/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td]
[p class="blogContent"] I've developed this strange habit lately, of surfing the net, while listening - that's right, LISTENING & NOT watching movie fikes. As it turns out, I'm listening to Silence Of The Lambs. It makes surfing the net an entirely new experience, not to mention put me in a strange frame of mood. I'll bet it's not everyone who blogs their thoughts & feelings while listening to: "PUT THE f*ckING LOTION IN THE BASKET!" comming from their speakers.
So. another busy day in the life of an unemployed bum. One way you can definately tell you're unemployed, is when you wake up to the sound of the Garbage Truck, banging the bin repeatedly. Almost like it's knocking on your door from outside saying: "Hey! Get up ya lazy bum! There's Coffee to be drank & masturbating to be done. Ah yes. The 2 top activitiies of the Unemployed.
Actually, when I went for my morning Coffee at Blenz this morning, I decided to start writing my Autobiography. & that's just what I started texting on my phone, as I was sitting there drinking my coffee. I have to admit, I think I got off to a good start. I can't wait to see how it ends up. There's nothing like starting a new project. Especially if you're unemployed. It gives you sense of purpose. Hey! Kind of the way a job does!
So, of course, after I was finished my cup, I went back to my suite & had another 4 pieces of Raisin Toast & despite my best efforts to stay awake, I just couldn't & was asleep by about 2 pm. Fortunately I didn't sleep too long this time. I got up around 3:30, craving - wouldn't you know it? a coffee. So, for variety sake, I ventured on down to the 7-11 on Burrard (Yes, I do like the high-end stuff).
Oh & for historical reference. Today was the official unveiling of the Countdown to 2010 Clock. & in typical media fashion, the hype far outweighed the product, for when they did the "Big Dramatic Unveiling" all they had to show for it was a big clock shaped like a shoe-heel, with a giant popsickle stick jammed down the middle. Really captures the spirit of Vancouver & Canada.
Oh well. I'm sure the much hyped new Canucks logo & jerseys next season will be just as much of a dissapointment. Then again, almost anything's better than the Free Willy jersey they have now.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/13/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"]Glory. As in, that's the movie I'm listening to today. One of the few NOT Cheesy Mathew Broderick films from the 80's
So let's see now. What miracles have I performed in the last 24 hrs? Well, as always I awoke to the sounds of Garbage Trucks & Crows & once again tapped in more entries to my highly anticipated Autobiography at Blenz & am happy to report that today I was able to resist the temptation to take a nap!
It's time to admit the truth. There's very little interesting in the life of an unemployed man. Hell, there was very little interesting about my life BEFORE I got fired. At least, I haven't sunken to the level of watching daytime soap operas. Did you know, there ARE actually guys, MEN - who watch those things? & what's more, they're not even gay! Anyways, if ever I sink to such depths, then I'll know there's no hope. In the meantime, I'll stick with my routine of coffee, breakfast, masturbation, nap (Optional) lunch, coffee, dinner, masturbation & sleep. Repeating daily, until something happens to break the cycle.Something like, oh, say...a job!
Oh, on another note. I've begun correspondance with this mature woman. She initiated contact & I've been trying to keep it flowing, without LOOKING like I'm trying. On a strictly primitive level, I'd stick it into her, of course I don't want to let HER know that. Herein lies the great conflict. Do I go for the quick f*ck & try to bed her by turning on the charm & saying what it is I think she wants to hear, in order to achieve this end? Pretty pointless, since I haven't a CLUE what a woman wants. OR. Do I just sit back & let it play out & possibly germinate into something more? I DO know that having sex with someone you actually have an emotional bond with can be the most rewarding. God, I tell you, sometimes it SUCKS to be a man. I mean, we want to conquer as much pussy as we can in our lifetime, but thore more women you sleep with, I guess the more meaningless sex becomes. Like Pornstars. Well at least they get paid for it. Which is I guess every guys dream. To get paid for actually f*cking.
Back to reality (Gives his head a shake) So, here I am typing away as the sun's making a valliant effort to poke through the clouds. I guess life's not all that bad.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
Hey mate has anyone told you lately that we don't give a shit and you are an absolute loser???
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[/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table] [table class="blog" id="BlogTable" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"][tbody][tr id="blog-1"] [td width="100%"] [p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/13/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr] [td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td]
[/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table] [/td] [/tr] [tr id="blog-2"] [td width="100%"] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr] [td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"] Date [/p] [p class="blogContent"] Well the highlight of today has to be my Date. I mean, I didn't even expect to be going out on one, but the girl I had been in correspondance with, well we started MSN'g & next thing you know, we're meeting for coffee on Robson. Thank god for the dope, because it sure helped take some of the edge off off not only the Anxietey of anticipation, but the whole date as well.
We agreed to meet at 6 & of course, I made sure I got there nice & early & she was just a couple of minutes late Fashionably late, I believe is the correct term. First off let me tell you, she has the cutest smile & she flashed me that smile all evening. After it was clear that we were clicking, I suggested we go for a walk down to the waterfront & she let me take her hand. God, it felt good to hold someone's hand. To actually be connecting with someone. She is self assured, but not cocky & she made it very easy to be with her. We had a nice romantic walk along the waterfront, amidst the backdrop of the night lights of the city. I never felt so alive! To be out on the town, sharing the company of a woman, whom what's more I didn't have to put on any kind of an act for, she was letting me be myself & that just attracted me more to her. By the time we got to her building, we kissed goodnight. I can still taste her lips & I left feeling more alive than I have felt in a long time. Now I need to sort through some feelings. As I am tragically inexperienced in the Dating game, for a man of my age, I dodn't quite know where to go from here. On a physical level, I want to sleep with her, but I don't know if that's just because it's been so long since I've had any & I'm desperate to bump uglies with anything with a pulse? Or that I genuinely want to make LOVE to her. What a connundrum. On the one hand, if we were to jump into bed this early, I would have one need fulfilled, the need to get laid - but would it be at the expense of sacraficing a greater need. The neeed to be LOVED.
Boy, for a man of 38, I sure am emotionally immature.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
Just go and root her boy and don't take no for an answer.
GORDY GAMBINO wrote:
Just go and root her boy and don't take no for an answer.[/DIV]
LOL Gordy.. while I agree it might just be easier to go root her.. umm, if you dont take 'no' for an answer might cause some little wrinkles in your plan.
Tref will talk her into it if his posts are any indication.
Dont get too excited Tref you dont want to pre ejaculate at the thrill of it all.
[P class=MsoNormal style="lineh-eight: normal"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times]02/14/2007 [O:P][/O:P][/SPAN]
[TABLE class=MsoNormalTable style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0] [TBODY] [TR] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; WIDTH: 22.5pt; PADDING-TOP: 0in" width=30] [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0pt; lineh-eight: normal"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times][V:SHAPETYPE id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"] [V:STROKE joinstyle="miter"] [V:FORMULAS] [V:F eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [V:F eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [V:F eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [V:F eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [V:F eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [V:F eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [V:F eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [V:F eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [V:F eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [V:F eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [V:F eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [V:F eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/V:F] [V:PATH o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"] [O:LOCK aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"] [/O:LOCK][V:SHAPE id=Picture_x0020_37 style="VISIBILITY: visible; WIDTH: 22.5pt; HEIGHT: 0.75pt" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" type="#_x0000_t75" o:spid="_x0000_i1025"] [V:IMAGEDATA o:title="spacer" src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif"] [/V:IMAGEDATA][/V:SHAPE][/V:PATH][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:F][/V:FORMULAS][/V:STROKE][/V:SHAPETYPE][/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times][O:P][/O:P][/SPAN]
[/TD] [TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in"] [P class=MsoNormal style="lineh-eight: normal"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times]Rejected Again - On Valentines Day, of course! [O:P][/O:P][/SPAN]
[P class=MsoNormal style="lineh-eight: normal"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times] Well, I can relax about taking the next step.
Witness this email I got today:
[SPAN style="COLOR: rgb(204,0,0)"] Hello Alec
>
>I hope you had a nice night!
>It was so nice to meet you yesterday and to spend time with you.
>You are truly an amazing person!! You have a wicked sense of humour,
>you are handsome, intelligent and you have good head on your
>shoulders.
>We had a very nice time, [/SPAN][/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 13: " New Times 0);? 0, rgb(204, color: Roman?,?serif?;]but[/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 13: " New Times 0);? 0, rgb(204, color: Roman?,?serif?;] [/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " New Times 0);? 0, rgb(204, color: Roman?,?serif?;]I don't think there was chemistry
>between us.
>But this was just one of the many dates that you will go out on, and
>believe me, you are very good at it.
>I know you will find that special someone and I wish you all the
>best!
>
>CENSORED
[/SPAN][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times]
If anybody's gonna get dumped on Valentines - it would be me!
Actually, you'd think I'd be crushed, but when you've been rejected
by women as much as I have, during the course of my life - well you
kinda just get numb to it. I never expect any relationship to work out
so, having invested no hope into it, I've really lost nothing.
[O:P][/O:P][/SPAN]
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[/SPAN][/A][A href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.confirmRemove&blogID=230337532&Mytoken=06CAFFC1-97D6-4BD2-8EA464872D09F76677157290"][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " New Times color: Roman?,?serif?; blue;?][/SPAN][/A][SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: ; 12pt: " Roman?,?serif?;? New Times][O:P][/O:P][/SPAN]
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LONG LIVE MARC LEPINE!!!
FREE ROBERT PICTON!!!!!
Smell like DV here... smell not good...[?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /][O:P][/O:P]
You're one sick fellow Gordy. Get help.
I thought my post was satire. Surely you would'nt think i meant any of it (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/1.gif) lol
Och aye . How come your still sober at this time in the morning you dress wearing closet queen.
PS i'm an Australian . The Gambino bit is my crime family name kipper breath.
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/15/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][img]http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" alt="" border="0" height="1" width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogSubject"]
[/p] [p class="blogContent"] For once I awoke to my Alarm clock this morning. Just like I used to when I was working. **sniff!**
Anyway, that was because I actually had things to do today. The 1st thing I found out was that I had tragically overestimated my serverance pay from the company. I thought, since I had 4 weeks vacation left for the calendar year, I would get them paid out in full, as part of my severance. Turns out, I only got something like $40.00, based on 2 days. How the f*ck does THAT work? Bottom line is, I'm gonna be SCREWED if E.I. doesn't come through by April 1. I only got $1040.00 severence & rent is gonna cost me $720.00 for March, so I'm gonna have like ZERO play money, between then & now. That means NO Pizza, NO KFC, NO eating out PERIOD! f*ck, life's gonna suck this next little while. Shit, I may have to get a job again.
So, I spent the morning with Dee & Helena & I should have known Dee would get jealous. He got irritable whenever Helena or I weren't paying our full & undivided attention to him. At times, he acted like a spoiled little brat. It's funny, as people age, especially in their senior years, they seem to revert back to some childhood behaviors. I can see what they mean, when they say some people go through a 2nd childhood. We aslo put in a visit to Muter. A nice, short pain-free 15 min. stop-by & of course, even during that limited time, she tried to get us to go out & pick up something up for her. How about just a simple: "Hello. How nice of you take the time to come & see me."? I always hate going to visit her there. The hallways always smell like pee.
Helena was kind enough to give me a lift to Phibbs, where I caught the bus downtown & wouldn't you know it? The transfer point for my next bus was right outside my old office. Talk about painful & still fresh memories. Not to mention, the awjwardness of keeping a sharp lookout for any of my former co-workers, whom I might have to duck, to avoid that awkwardness.
So, I went to see the Shrink on Dunbar & suddenly, around 3 pm, the sun came out. It was beautiful. Like a reprieve from all the gloom. I really did feel uplifted once that sun broke through. As for my visit with the Doc. Dissapointment (Isn't that my middle name?) He's not gonna go for the Long Term Disability thing. Most he'll give me is 6 months. Lessee...I've been fired, or let go from 5 jobs in the last 2 & a half years. If that isn't proof I can't hold a job, then what is? Maybe I should get a job at McPukes, then pull down my pants & take a shit on the burgers, as they're frying up. If THAT wouldn't make me unemployable, it would at least make their hamburgers taste better.
So, I'm home now, feeling like I at least got something done today. And that at least is better than nothing.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
Its July not Feb.
Hope you paid back on that bitch!!
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/16/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_41" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Just Another Day [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Paul McCart - Sorry, SIR Paul McCartney was right. It really IS just another day. Especially when your unemployed. Can't say much happened today. I mean, here it is 4:30 Friday, I've just woken up from a 4-Jumbo Hotdog-induced nap. At least I managed to do some Grocery shopping today. I'm convinced the Sun is broken. Each time it peaks out & looks like it might just stick around, it vanishes behind a seemingly permanant Vancouver Grey sky.
I'm making good progress with my Autobiography. When I'm done & if, IF I get it published, it will be the first book in history to be written entirely by text messaging on Cell Phone. I can just see it now. Sitting beside Oprah, amidst her audience of Emotionally hungry masses, when she says: "That's beautiful Alec. Just beautiful. (With her trademark hand on leg & tearful sniffle) I understand there's something else, quite unique about your book Alec, now isn't there.'
(Me) "Yes, I guess there is."
(Orca) "Tell us what that is"
(Me)"Well, I beleive it's the first book written entirely on a cell phone. (Audience gasps) You see I would write each passage while I was having coffee at the Coffee shop every morning." (Audience applauds)
Now, back to reality. If nothing else, my book is serving as a tool for me to re-visit my past & cope with it as I recall each situation. It's amazing when you revisit incidents you experienced as a child & analyze them as an Adult, how therapeutic it is. It really is helping.
So there you have it. Just another day.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]I simply want the good. That's it. There's nothing more to it. Is that so hard to understand?[o:p][/o:p][/span] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]It's been over a month now at the reduced Dopage & I clearly see my anger & irritability with people rising to the surface again. Things like people in line behind me, are bothering me again. I'm starting to second guess people's intentions again, & while I'm not in full panic mode yet, I can see that I WON'T be able to go completely off the Dope for awhile yet, if ever.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [span style="font-size: 12pt; lineh-eight: 115%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][span style=""] [/span]And yet, I see things like Ads on TV, with apparently Christian parents, for sponsoring a child & I WANT to be that good. I don't want to be at odds with Humanity, I want to EMBRACE all the best qualities of Mankind, I want to be the BEST example of a kind, generous & loving, caring person I can be, & yet my untapped anger prevents me from doing so & it breaks my heart. I mean, I SEE & can at least RECOGNIZE good acts in people, but my anger keeps me so far removed from being a part of it, it's almost like I'm watching my life, through someone else's eyes. Do you know what it's like to feel this way?[span style=""] [/span]Is there anyone else out there that feels like this? Help me be part of the Human community. Help me to not be a prisoner of my own weaknesses & failings. I just want to love unconditionally.[/span]
Can't wait for your autobiography. What you gonna call it Supertramp?
Trefilov.....there are so many people that don't even recognize that the whole world isn't about them. You sound like you are really on the right track.....that your wants and desires are within your grasp...if for no other reason than that you know they exist. Hang in there.
it's almost like I'm watching my life, through someone else's eyes. Do you know what it's like to feel this way?[SPAN] [/SPAN]Is there anyone else out there that feels like this?
OH....and yes...I think I do know what it's like to feel that way. Especially when it comes to looking back. I see it in my mind....but it's not like I was really present. I don't know if this is normal or not, but either way, it shouldn't stand in your way of enjoying each day and working towards your goals of being a productive person. Don't lose sight of your goals....they may be the crux of what keeps you connected.
The both of you are just as crazy as one another
Aaaaa....Gordy...you miserable old coot. Lighten up. You hate trefilovs thread....and yet it's about the only one you're drawn to.....just so you can be pissy.
I love Trevilovs thread.
He is such a loser it gives me something to laugh about.
As well as your posts!!
His autobiography should be titled 'loser schmuck' or 'how i dumpster dive for a living'
This bloke is worse than Henry Hill and thats saying something.!!!
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/17/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_43" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]New Game [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Being out of a job, means you have alot of extra time on your hands, which - in turn can lead to some creativism. In this spirit, I have come up with a new game I play, whenever walking the streets downtown. It's somewhat like a cross between Keep-Away & Frogger. The object is simple: To get to wherever you're going, be it a bus stop, resturaunt, or just a general walk around while avoiding the Panhandlers & Rubbies. It may sound stupid at first, but when you actually play, you find yourself bobbing & weaving & sometimes darting out across the street, in & out of traffic. It can actually be dangerous at times. See I've come to terms with the fact that there have always been Panhandlers & there, unfortunately will always BE Panhandlers. Regardless of how much people grumble & moan about it, so I figure since this condition is ineveiable, try to have some fun & in my case, make a game out of it. When life hands you LuLu Lemons, make LuLu Lemonade. (Jeez, I can't believe I just gave those guys a free plug!)
So, I get a message, from a panicked Dee, saying he's lost his Trazadone & because he can't see, needs me to come by to find it for him. I'm starting to feel the way I did around 2002, before the dope. Resentful for his being so needy & angry at him. Angry at the situation. How quickly I forget the many times he's bailed me out with money when I needed it. How quickly I forget how he "lent" me $20.00 just the other day. You see? it's situational. It's more a reactionary thing, where - when I hear his agitated voice, scolding me for not being able to get a hold of me when he needs to, f*ck that just pisses me right off! & of course, then I feel guilty & angry at MYSELF for being pissed at my own Father. Oh, what a delightfuly vicious cycle of emotions at play. No wonder I'm so f*cked up.
So, I put in an appearance at Dee's & of course, we found his f*cking pills. Christ, I can't WAIT till he moves into that Assisted Living place, as soon as the place is finished. Even Dee agrees.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
You can't imagine how happy I was, when I heard the Oaky was down this weekend. Because I knew, they would pull the Eskimo(Queen of Esquimalt) out of Langdale to fill in as the # 2 vessel out of Dep. Bay usually filled by Coco (Queen of Coquitlam) It meant I would get to have 1 final trip on her on a run long enough to really take in all her glory, before she is retired in September.
So here's how it went down;
I got to HorshoeBay around 2 & caught the Coco @ 3:00. It wasn't as crowded as I would have expected.I mean it was busy, sure - but not packed.
Well...when we got into Dep. Bay around 5, there was such a MOB, coming BACK, there was actually a Bottleneck in the walkway & they had to stop our crowd, heading out at one point, to clear up the jam. I had never seen that before. As I wasked down the walkway, the crowd catching the sailing was backed up past the back of the Cafeteria, however, that was NOTHING compared to the NEXT sailing. The scheduled 7:20 sailing, When I got up to the Arrivals point, they had actually CLOSED THE DOORS to the Departures & were actually QUEING the Footsies outside for the 7:20 pm! I had never, EVER seen them have to cut off the Foot Passengers like they do cars before. It was at this point, I KNEW it was gonna be chaotic. I waited for my chance & then, there was a break in the crowd heading back to HSB & somehow I managed to get through quite quickly. The Coco had just left, so it was gonna be a couple of HOURS until the next sailing. (I didn't tell them when I got my ticket, that I was actually gonna catch the 7:40 & NOT the 7:20. I'm a bad boy for messing up their count!) Soi when I trotted back to the waiting room, it was ALREADY packed & there was a lineup at the counter, past the Arcade. Keep in mind, the Coquitlam had JUST left, so these were the people left OVER. And, as I said - ALREADY the Cafeteria was full. So I wandered around the Terminal, trying for all my old Secret spots to avoid the crowds, but everybody wasd everywhere! There was an evil younc couple sucking fact on the seats beneath Berth 2 (Nicely secluded, by the way) I tried for even way over by Berth 1, but there were a few slack-jawed gawkers wandering around there. I mean, there was just NO WHERE to be alone. How DARE all these people come & ruin my tranquility! Couldn't they have gone & done their travelling some other time?
Eventually (I'm talking, like 7:30) the Cow arrived, & as I sat & watched the absolute MOB of Humanity cram through the Walkway to board. I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean IF they were adhering to the numbers required by the Feds, then the sheer number of Footsies, ALONE must have meant, they couldn't carry full Vehicular capacity, because I must have watched for 20 MINUTES STRAIGHT. A non-stop procession of people going down the walkway to the ship.
Then, the Eskimo arrived. The Cow wasn't finished loading yet (God knows WHERE she was putting everybody) so the Eskimo just glided lazily in the bay. It was a beautiful sight, actually. Finally the Cow pulled out & the Eskimo pulled into Berth 3. There was a fair number of Footsies on this sailing too, but NOTHING, i'm sure as compared to what the Cow just took.
So we all walked on via the Main Cardeck, as the Overhead Walkway to Berth 3 is under Renno's (Whole walkway has been removed) As soon as I opened that green door atop the Stairwell to the Passenger deck - there it was. That smell that only the Eskimo & the Van have now. You know that V-Class smell. I grabbed a spot outside the Chief Stewards office outside, just under the stairs (One of my favorite spots) & I began to pet my beloved ship & talk to her. I felt the same affection for her as an owner would have, say for a cat, or a dog that they are going to have to put down because they're too old. Which, in a sense is what will happen to the Esq & Van when the new ships arrive in just a matter of weeks now. They won't be able to retire them fast enough!
But right now, this was my private time with an old friend, & I don't care what the rational mind says about a collection of bolts & weldings not being a living thing. Maybe it's not life, as we know it, but when you have delivered hundreds of THOUSANDS - maybe even A MILLION people safely to their destination in a span of 45 years, when you've had people born, people die, people get sick (See Sunshine Breakfast) People be healed (Spiritually, or Ships Doctor) When you've provided a vehicle to travel some of the most beautiful scenery human eyes have ever seen - can you HONESTLY tell me that counts for NOTHING??? My god, I'm actually tearing up here. What I mean to say is, yes I talked to this ship, because she deserves AT LEAST that! I patted her gently, as I thanked her for all the memories she gave me. From all those games of Pepper 2 & Venture I would play in her Arcade in 1982, as I travelled to & from Victoria on a Saturday, to the wonderful Chicken Strip dinners I had in her Timeless Cafeteria, perpetually stuck in the 70's with it's bright plastic red. "Strips!" I can still hear the lady yell back to the cook, when I ordered.
To this final trip I would take on her. We hadn't even left dock yet, but I alreasy knew we would arrive safely. Even if we were gonna be late, we would get there. And that was the essence of her. Because despite all obstacles, you always knew - you just KNEW she would get you there. Somebody once said, if you treat her like a lady, she'll always take you home & that's what she was all her life. A lady. A lady who carried herself with poise & a quiet, unassuming dignity that didn't need to be outspoken. You just had to travel on her to understand.
She was a young lady in 1963, fresh out of the Drydock & eager to join her sisters. She was an accommodating lady in 1967, when they asked her to: "Put these things in your Cardeck. They'll help you grow." She was a fearless lady in 1970, when they told her: "We're going to have to put you to sleep for awhile, but when you wake up, you'll be bigger!" She was an understanding Lady in 1981, when they told her: "You're getting older & we need to make you taller to keep your worth." She was anh understanding lady in 1993, when they told her: "We no longer need you to work full time. We have newer, younger & BETTER ships to do your job. But you can still work part time." She was a tired, old lady when I boarded her today. But, she still managed to smile. I could FEEL her smile as I walked aboard. Like she was saying: "Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to see me one last time." As the Officer advised us to beware, ships whistle will be sounded - she gave an effort-filled "OOOOP" & we slowly glided out of dock. It was already past 8 & when the Captain welcomed us all aboard: "The Queen of ALBERNI" YES he actually SAID Alberni, before I guess someone on the bridge corrected him & he corrected his address. I could feel her almost laugh when the Captain got the name wrong, and why not? she's seen it all in her time. In what seemed to be a designed for final trip setting, we were treated to a spectacular sunset over the Strait & I was thankful I was able to share it this evening, with this special lady. I held her hand-rail as we watched the sun sink beneath the sea. Now, I would get to see her in all her nighttime jewelery With her many Fluorescent jewels, sparkling against the nighttime. She truly looked beautiful. I went to the Cafeteria for my last meal ever on her. I ordered the BC Burger & to no surprise, it was delicious. (40 year old grease tastes that way) Once finished, I strolled top deck, outside. Could it be? Maybe for this one LAST trip? But of course - no. The Boatdeck Aft lounge - DESPITE they're being enough people to justify opening it up, was closed. I'm almost certain now that the doors there are permanently closed & SEALED shut. I think the last time I was in there LEGIT, was when they still had the Buffet going in the early 80's
Before I knew it, we were rounding the corner into Horshoebay & of course, just as we were drawing paralell with the Boathouse Restaurant the announcement comes for all vehicle passengers to proceed to the Vehicle deck. You never SAW such a rushed scramble. Boy. The crew sure missed the boat on this trip. From screwing up the name of the ship, to a VERY late arrival announcement. Mind you, they had already done 13 hours today AND were to head BACK to Nanaimo with a load. You tell me these guys don't work hard?
But we were inching our way into dock & I frantically rushed around, snapping as many pics I could get before we all proceeded off. I gave her one last pat & said aloud: "Goodbye, old friend" to which the Deckhand gave me a quizzical look. I guess he's never loved a lady.
This is such a lovely story, trefilov. It reminded me of a ferry from Saint John, N.B. to Digby, N.S. that I used to take every chance I got when I was young. Thank you for bringing back memories.
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/18/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[span style="font-size: 12pt; lineh-eight: 115%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]
Gangway Fat Boy I hear everybody saying to each other. It's supposed to be the annual Chinese New Year greeting. I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean, other than the surface rudeness it implies. But, who am I to comment on a cultural stigma?
I have to admit, it's really a chore to make an entry today, as I just have had ZERO energy today. This, despite the weather being not all that bad. The sun actually did manage to come out for a bit this afternoon & that's when I went to Blenz & had my coffee & worked some more on my book. The Nux managed another 1 goal victory. This time, at the expenxe of the Avalanche. If they do anything in the playoffs, it will be because of Luongo.
I'm gonna have to go out tomorrow & get a size 40 pants. I actually remember when as a teen, I was a size 28. I never thought I'd see the day, I'd be having to get a size 40 pants. Since I lost my job, I have just BALOONED up. I don't even want to guess at what my Cholesterol count.
So that's it. Another day in the books. YAAAAAAWWWWWWWNnnnnn.[/span]
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Hey trefilov, how come the dates are always 5 months old??
I had this idea that trefilov would eventually reach the end of his book sometime in April or whenever, and on the last post, tref would say, "that sums up my book, it's called ____ and you can find it at bookstores"
Or, the person in these stories is tref, but tref died a few months ago. So this isn't actually tref, but some friend posting all this, and once this journal hits the day tref died, it'll say, "I decided to kill myself, this life sucks!! blah blah blah" (and then the user posing as trefilov posts some police report about some dude [trefilov] who died that day)
Maybe I've been watching too many horror movies...
hahaha anti-spam bot word was "casket"
I think Tref spontaneously combusted after he farted.
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/19/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_47" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Ok, might as well do today's entry, while I still have the Endorphins swimming around my head from my beat-off. It's amazing just how much of your day involves masturbating when you're jobless. Needless to say, I just had a very satisfying one. Ever had one of those ones where you work on it for like an hour, but then you hold off & keep going, till you can't stand any more? Well that's what I did. Watched pron for about an hour & when it was finally time to go – MAN! I must have aborted about a trillion lives with that one. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] I managed to work some more on my book this morning. I know I won't be able to do this morning routine forever, where I sleep in till I like & go to Blenz, whenever I feel like, so I'm really gonna enjoy this time while I can, because I know full well, I'll have to go back to work soon. But for now, for RIGHT now, I'm gonna enjoy these times.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Speaking of work, I got more procrastination from my former Employer, saying now they have to get my R.O.E. from their head office in the STATES now. So lessee.. so far, I've had to go through my former Suoervisor, whom referred to T.O. (The center of the Universe) & now, THEY say they have to get it from the states! It's a f*cking piece of paper for chrissake! What is the goddamn holdup???[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Ok, obviously there's some residual Testosterone lingering from my Tug-o' War with Cyclops, but I maintain, that it is still ridiculous. Am I ever glad I already got the ball rolling on my E.I. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Cause I'll be lucky if I can hold out till then.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
YOUR A SICK PUPPY.
No sicker than you, Gordy - and where's the apostrophe?
Don't need one Tommy.
I might go on with some crap but i don't rave on like that sex starved fat moron.
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[/td][td style="padding: 0in;"] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][!--[if gte vml 1]][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"/] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"/] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"/] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"/] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"/] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"/] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"/] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"/] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"/] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"/] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"/] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"/] [/v:formulas] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"/] [/v:shapetype][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_49" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style='width:22.5pt;height:.75pt; visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square'] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\BIFF!\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"/] [/v:shape][![endif]--][!--[if !vml]--][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/BIFF%21/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image002.gif" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" v:shapes="Picture_x0020_49" height="1" width="30"][!--[endif]--][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]I guess it's inevetable. When you're jobless & you're sitting at home all those days, sooner-or-later you end up watching Jerry Springer. A show you would NEVER have watched when you were employed, because you didn't have time for that crap. Suddenly, here you are, watching & for the briefest of moments - forgetting that everything is staged & for one fleeting moment, you find yourself actually PULLING for that Redhead in the catfight on stage.
How did it come to this? This is the wake-up call I needed. The absolute proof, that I am in a depression. It's time to find motivation, somehow, somewhere & pick myself up & get out there again. When I see images of me, 5 - 10 years down the road, possibly on Longterm Disability, watching Springer, I cringe. My life is worth more, much more than that. Christ, I can't let that happen. I WON'T let that happen! I mean today, Springer. Tomorrow, who knows? I could sink so deep as to being a rabid fan of: Days Of Our Wives. Oh, GOD no! That's not gonna happen. I've since turned off the T.V., allowing my own thoughts to filter back in. I can see why they call it the Idiot Box, it really sucks all the life right out of you. Just like the Internet. Problem is: I have BOTH at my disposal & between these 2 distractions, it's so EASY to burn off a day. Before you know it, a week's past, a month, a YEAR. I mean, it's already been 20 days, since I lost my job. Nearly a whole month! & it just flew by like a day. f*ck, I've got to put the brakes to this cycle & start a new cycle - FAST! 'cause I don't like where I'm headed.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table] [/td][/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"] [/p][p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/20/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] I've always known that I was a morning person & I've never questioned it. It's just the way I am. What I DO question however, is why I seem to just close down after noon. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Witness today. I was able to get up at a reasonable hour & get to Blenz just after 8:10 A.M. It's just so damn HARD to motivate yourself, when you have no deadline. Oh, & here's the kicker – I have plenty of cash in my pocket from my severance pay, but I'm SO afraid of blowing it before my E.I. kicks in, that I have been extremely Miserly. I know this is wise, but I'm SO thrifty, I'm lucky if I'm spending like $20.00 a week on everything. So the irony, of course is; YES, I have plenty of money in my pocket, with all kinds of time & opportunity to spend it, but – as I said I'm so afraid of blowing it all before E.I. kicks in, that I can't enjoy any of it. I know I'll be thankful I DID hold on to it, in the long term, but you'd think I'd cut myself a LITTLE slack at least! Maybe, order a Pizza – or – have a nice dinner out. You see, with me I'm an all-or-nothing person & I can very easily see myself saying f*ck it, & ordering a pizza one night, promising myself this will be a one time only thing, but then I'll start making more & more allowances, then the dam will burst & before I know it, I'll be broke. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] No, this is the correct course. I may be depressed & sitting at home all day, but I'm saving money that way. I just have to practice self control. So far, I'm doing it & the reward will be when I make it to my 1st E.I. payout. Who knows? Maybe even have a little extra to spend by then. If it's a trade-off, I'd much rather walk around the streets knowing I HAVE money, as opposed to all those times I've wondered around broke, WISHING I had money.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Two things a man's ego seem to be attached to, are his hair – inapplicable in my case & his wallet & having as little ego as I do, I sure depend on the money.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] As I said, I did make something of the morning & after my morning Blenz coffee, I went down to Sinclair Center & got the extra forms for my CPP Longterm. In light of the Province opening up the purse strings yesterday, now seems a good time to try to reap some of those benefits.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 10pt;"]Not mine (I WISH!) – But I had to share with everyone. It's brilliant.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [h3][a href="http://www.4guysfromviewpoint.com/?p=76" title="Permanent Link to If WWII was an MMORPG"]If WWII was an MMORPG[/a][/h3] [p class="MsoNormal"]by [span class="storyauthor"]Rick [/span]@ 10:52 am. Filed under [a href="http://www.4guysfromviewpoint.com/index.php?cat=1" title="View all posts in General"]General[/a], [a href="http://www.4guysfromviewpoint.com/index.php?cat=5" title="View all posts in Funny"]Funny[/a], [a href="http://www.4guysfromviewpoint.com/index.php?cat=8" title="View all posts in Gaming"]Gaming[/a] [o:p][/o:p][/p] [!-- meta --] [span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: darkblue;"]deGaulle[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: hey sup
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: y0
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: hi
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: hi
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: lol more like panzy tanks
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: lol
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: haha america sux
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: sure whatever
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: cool
[span style="color: darkblue;"]deGaulle[/span]: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: lol byebye frenchy
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: i dont got crap to help, sry
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: get antiair guns
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: i cant afford them
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: u n00bs know what team talk is?
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: stfu
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: o yah hit the navajo button guys
[span style="color: darkblue;"]deGaulle[/span]: Eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: yah hurry the fock up
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: d00d im gettin pounded
[span style="color: darkblue;"]deGaulle[/span]: this is fockin weak u guys suck
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: darkblue;"]deGaulle[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: im gonna attack the axis k?
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: with what? ur wheelchair?
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: ROFLMAO
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: lol o no america im comin 4 u
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: u little biotch ill get u
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: wtf
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: lol no more france for u hitler
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: tojo help me!
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: fine ill clear you a path
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: i changed my mind lol
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: haha
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: im 2 busy 2 help
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: church help me
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: dont be an arss
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: dont be a commie. oops too late
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: LOL
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: hahahh oh sh1t help
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: o man ur focked
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: oh what now biotch
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: whos the cripple now lol
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has been eliminated.*[/span]
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: lame
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: gj paTTon
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: thnx
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: WTF Eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: Nuts!
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: wtf that mean?
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: rofl
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: HAHAHHAA
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: u guys are fockin gay
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: ur never getting in my city
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has been eliminated.*[/span]
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: OMG u noob you killed yourself
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: ROFLOLOLOL
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: OMG LMAO!
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game*
[span style="color: green;"][/span]paTTon[/span]: hahahhah
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: WTF my teammates are n00bs
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: shut up noob
[span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span]: haha wut a moron
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: wtf am i gunna do now?
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: yah me too
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: fock u
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: lemme go thru ur base commie
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: go to hell lol
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: fock this sh1t im goin afk
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: yah this is gay
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: brown;"]Roosevelt[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: red;"]Hitler[AoE][/span]: wtf?
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: sh1t now we need some1 to join
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has joined the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: hi all
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: hey
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: sup
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: hi
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: d00d gimmie some plz
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: no way i only got like a couple
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: wtf is nukes?
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: holy sh*tholysh*thoylshti!!!111
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has been eliminated.*[/span]
*The Allied team has won the game!*
[span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span]: awesome!
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: gg noobs no re
[span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span]: thats bullsh*t u fockin suck
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: fuchsia;"]T0J0[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: blue;"]Eisenhower[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: l8r all
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: bye
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: l8r
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: fock u all
[span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span]: shut up commie lol
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: pink;"]tru_m4n[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span]: lololol u commie
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: ROFL
[span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span]: bye commie
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: orange;"]Churchill[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: lightgreen;"]benny-tow[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span]: i hate u all fags
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: aqua;"]Stalin[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span]
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: lol no1 is left
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: weeeee i got a jeep
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has been eliminated.*[/span]
[span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span]: o sh1t!
[span style="color: darkgrey;"]*[/span][span style="color: green;"]paTTon[/span][span style="color: darkgrey;"] has left the game.*[/span] [/p]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/21/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_51" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p]
[/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Captain's log: Supplemental. I have just finished watching the movie Castaway for the 2nd time. The 1st time I saw it, was around 2000 & I don't remember being as moved back then & inspired as I am now. The only thing stopping my from crying is the dope. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] It truly is a beautifully written movie & it's got me thinking a lot about my own life & where I am right now. Here's a movie, a message I take it as – about a guy, whom loses everything & finds his own source of inspiration to carry on & survive. I know it's only a movie, but to me, THAT'S what MOVIE means. A show that MOVES you & I was moved.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] It really helps put in perspective my current situation. I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself & wishing I had things & lamenting that, which I have lost, but here is a story about a guy who loses MORE, including his wife – whom not only has the strength & the courage to come back – not only that, but is strong enough to let his wife go, because he HAD to, the way she had to when she thought he was dead. Here is a true message of triumph of spirit! How DO you let someone go, who was your whole life. I think that may be part of the reason I never got into a serious relationship, because I don't know if I am that strong. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Again, acknowledging that it was only a movie, if it's enough to at least get you thinking, let alone re-evaluating your whole life, then it must count for something, right?[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] I draw the greatest inspiration from the blatantly symbolic last scene, where he literally is standing at the crossroads & you are given the impression that the options are HIS & that HE is in control of his own destiny & the sense of optimism in that knowledge. That he has a brand new life path before him & because of what he's come through, he's not afraid of what lies before him.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Sound familiar Alec? (Looks in mirror)[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=157088588&blogID=233197827&Mytoken=9CB4EC37-D0F0-4663-B36E2CF4DFE065AA77462289"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"]
[/span][/a][a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.confirmRemove&blogID=233197827&Mytoken=9CB4EC37-D0F0-4663-B36E2CF4DFE065AA77462289"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"][/span][/a][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/22/2007 [/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_53" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][/p] [/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Ugh! I've done so much writing these last few days, that it's actually becoming a chore.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Ok, lessee...where to start...Well, of course I worked some more on my Autobiography this morning at Blenz. f*ck, this is hard! I'm actually disappointed with this entry already.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Talk about writers block![o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Ok, I'm just gonna have to sum up the day's events then – sans my witty insights, cause frankly, I just don't feel up to it right now. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Ok, I went to visit Mother at Evergreen & shared what I had written so far & she seemed to like it. This is encouraging.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] I also met a couple of 50 yr old women, one of which, I flirted a bit with & I wouldn't mind banging, if just for the experience. I bet she'd appreciate a younger guy.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Went to the doc & was disappointed when he wouldn't sign my Longterm Disability form. I'm a f*cking Retard Doc! How the HELL do you think I'm employable? He DID sign the Shortterm, which at least buys me a little time. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] So, maybe that's why I'm so tired tonight. I actually got off my ever expanding ass & did something today.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
Ever thought of being a counter weight on an excavator?
[table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style="height: 369pt;"] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt; height: 369pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/BIFF%21/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image002.gif" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" v:shapes="Picture_x0020_55" height="1" width="30"][!--[endif]--][/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [td style="padding: 0in; height: 369pt;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/23/2007 [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]
[/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Gonna take a different tack here. Gonna try making my entries at the beginning of the day, when I seem to be at my most insightful. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] As I was walking to Blenz, in my usual half awake state, I heard a girl from behind me say: "Sup?" Recognizing the youthspeak & quickly translating it in my head as: "What's up?" I quickly looked behind me to see whom she was talking to. I couldn't see anybody else in the immediate vicinity, but my damaged ego, as always prevented me from believing it was directed toward me. I quickly darted into Blenz, & she walked on by, where I could get a good look at her. She looked to be anywhere from about 18 – to maybe 20. I also noticed she was carrying a purse. CONCLUSION: she was either a Crackhead, or Ho. When did the stigma of a middle class girl carrying a purse turn into them being Ho's? Am I that far out of the loop, or is it more-or-less accurate today?[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Anyway, as I pondered the awkward interaction, I never answered her address. Speaking of which, I have noticed a gradual degeneration of the English language amongst the youth of today. In more enlightened times, when one wished to address a stranger, they would say such things like: "Pardon me sir..." –or- "Excuse me but..."[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] But these kids seem to be gradually regressing to the Paleozoic era, where the Cavemen communicated by grunts.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Think about for a moment. How far is: "Sup?" from: "Ugh." See what I mean?[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]It's signs like these that discourage my confidence in the evolution of man.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Although I desperately wished she was hitting on me, my logic quickly substitutes alternate scenarios like: She was talking to someone else, you just couldn't see them. / She WAS talking to you, but she was only interested in bumming a smoke, or money. / She was a Ho & you can't afford it. You see? Anything to protect my ego.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Geez, that's a lot of thinking for 10:00 A,M, I think this MIGHT be the best time to do these, as I seem to be on a bit of a roll here.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] Is it me, or are there absolute BABES in the Davie district? I mean, I found it hard concentrating on my book, as I found myself constantly looking out the window & evaluating the various women I'd love to bang. I mean, if any percentage of the girls I see are single, but I wasn't so dam f*cked up, I would be having a field day. Oh, how I would love to be a player & have a different girl for every day of the week! And the real tragedy too, is now that I've cut back on the dope, I could keep up with them all too! Seriously. I seem to be up to 3 beat-offs a day, Christ, imagine if I was in the game! Ok, I'm getting frustrated just thinking about this self-imposed barrier, so time to change the subject[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] So, no doubt, I do feel my sharpest in the morning, so I think from now on, I'll make these entries then.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/24/2007[/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_57" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][/p] [/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]CHRIST I'm horny lately! I must have gotten off about 5 beat-offs at LEAST, yesterday. And of course, no Cum-Catcher to reap the benefits. Uh-oh, here comes the Misogyny again. Let's leave that alone. Although, I do seem to be in a negative mind frame today. [o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Witness what I was writing to myself as I was eating breakfast at Denny's this morning:[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [span style="color: red;"]Thank god i have this phone to distract me by jotting down my feelings when I'm anxious. Why do I HATE bitches, & youth culture SO much? I have an idea whyI Hate the twenty something's & that of course being that I'm jealous & envious that they're so young, with bright futures ahead, while me, i lost virtually my entire 20's to first, Hair Loss & then Social Anxiety. I resent them for daring to be so young in my presence. (You see now just how f*cked up I truly am?) I have SO MUCH anger inside me, I can't believe it hasn't manifested itself in the form of Cancer. After all, they DO say anger eats you up. As does Cancer.
Look at those 2 Chugs over there. Sitting at the window I had been gazing out. How DARE they take a seat there & obstruct my view! God, LISTEN to me, will you? Where is all this venom coming from? I'm feeling more anxious now, as more people enter Denny's & are seated around me. f*ck! Why couldn't you all have stayed home this morning? It's a rainy, grey Saturday morning for Chrissake! What POSSIBLE motivation could you have for going out at ALL today?[/span][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: red;"] [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Yes. Those thoughts are what I was actually thinking to myself as I sat down to breakfast this morning. Proof that not ALL Mentally Ill people live on the street, although if my former Employer doesn't get their shit together quick, I just MAY end up on the street.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]See my latest pleading email to them:[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [span style="color: blue;"]Hi Debbie.[/span][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"] I'm sorry to keep pestering you, but I thought I should
let you know, it is now Friday, Feb. 23 & I still have not received my R.O.E. I have researched & found that under Canadian Law,it is not unreasonable to expect this document within (5) calendar days of a persons cessation of employment. [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"] SEE BELOW:[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: purple;"] [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]
Canadian jurisdiction.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Eligible Activities[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]All employment under Canadian jurisdiction.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Summary:[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] The Employment Insurance Act and its Regulations require every employer to complete a Record of Employment (ROE) when an employee stops working and when an interruption of earnings occurs. This happens when an employee is laid off, quits, leaves without pay or is dismissed, or when an employee is temporarily away from work due to pregnancy, injury, illness, adoption leave or provides care and support to a gravely ill family member. A penalty under the Employment Insurance Act for non-compliance may apply to employers who fail to issue a ROE as required. [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]The information on the ROE determines if a person qualifies for Employment Insurance (EI) benefits, the benefit rate and the duration of his/her claim. The ROE also plays an important role in controlling the misuse of EI funds and it must be issued even if the employee has not intention of filing a claim for EI benefits.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]When to issue a Record of Employment?[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"] [/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]Generally, a ROE must be issued within five calendar days or the interruption of earnings or the date the employer becomes aware of the interruption.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]
[span style="color: blue;"]As I write this, it has now been (22) days since my departure from the company Again, I am sorry to be persistent in this matter, but please understand I have bills & rent to pay & no way to pay these without my E.I. coverage. I have pleaded with them & they maintain that they cannot & will not even come to
a decision re: my claim, without my R.O.E.If there's any thing I can do on my end to expedite this process, then please let me know.[/span][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"] Regards.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; color: blue;"] Alec.[/span][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]
Obviously, I'm in Ass-Kicking mode, but when your very livelihood hangs in the balance & you're at the mercy of whether-or-not somebody you've never even met has remembered to send a simple letter, you HAVE to be. I've never liked a**holes & I never thought I'd have to be one myself, but among the many lessons I've learned in this life, is that – sadly, just to simply SURVIVE sometimes you have to be one.[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogcontent"]Captain Janeway in this case. My obsession with women shitting, & mysnginy in general isn't helped much when I sit right outside the Ladies room at the Coffee shop. But when there's simply just no other seats available because everyone & their dog (You can take that litterally in Vancouver) wants to duck-in, out of the cold rain - well, what are you going to do? I can see, or rather SMELL why you women try to be so discreet about shitting, because I gotta tell ya. You REEK! I know, I Know, I can already hear you challenging me to find a person who's shit DOESN'T smell, but seriously, I've never smelled anything so FOUL. I'm so glad I'm not a woman. My shit stinks bad enough. GOD, it's like a WAVE of STINK everytime that door opens. I've always wondered why some women absolutely BATHE themselves in perfume. You know the type. Just catching a whiff of them as they pass on the street, & your eyes water. My guess is they've just taken a huge dump, & are trying to cover the smell.
Man, I'm really ripping on bitches today. Marc Lepine would be proud. Ugh! I gotta bolt. The smell that keeps coming outta there is making me sick.[/p]
[p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]02/24/2007[/span][/p] [table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 100%;" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"] [tbody][tr style=""] [td style="padding: 0in; width: 22.5pt;" width="30"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"][v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"] [v:stroke joinstyle="miter"] [v:formulas] [v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"] [v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"] [v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"] [v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"] [v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"] [v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"] [v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"] [/v:f] [v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"] [o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"] [/o:lock][v:shape id="Picture_x0020_265" o:spid="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://x.myspace.com/images/spacer.gif" style="width: 22.5pt; height: 0.75pt; visibility: visible;"] [v:imagedata src="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CBIFF%21%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.gif" o:title="spacer"] [/v:imagedata][/v:shape][/v:path][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:f][/v:formulas][/v:stroke][/v:shapetype][/span][/p] [/td] [td style="padding: 0in;"] [p class="MsoNormal" style="lineh-eight: normal;"][span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"]So I'm in a philosophical frame of mind this morning, as I drink mein coffee, & I was thinking; since DEATH is the ultimate unknown, & since FEAR is the default emotional response we have of the unknown, I was thinking would it be a good thing, or a bad thing if the fear of death was eliminated? In other words, would mankind thrive & better himself & ultimately evolve into a higher form of being, or would his demons overcome him & cause him to spiral down into a vicious cycle of debautchery & self-serving?
It really IS almost a Zen-type of question, & perhaps that's why man was made to be mortal, with only an alotted time frame in which to exist, for that question may be so great, that Mankind is simply not ready to contemplate it.
What-on-earth, then am I doing - comming up with such a question? Suddenly, I feel VERY small & insignifigant in the Universe.
You see what Coffee does to a person?[o:p][/o:p][/span][/p] [/td] [/tr] [/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/24/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"]
I'm watching Forest Gump & seeing as how today is Mysoginy day for me, I may as well offer my views on one aspect of the movie.
Amidst all kinds of symbolism in the movie, there's one that stands out for me & that being how the nice guys always finish last, when it comes to women. I'm talking of course, about how the Charachter "Jenny" always manages to get herself into all kinds of trouble, always hooks up with guys that treat her like shit & yet, always manages to not only be rescued by a man who truly loves her, but she won't love him back. Again, acknowledging this is only a movie, but I know for a FACT, that this particular phenomenon is taken from real life. I've seen it, I've experienced it myself. I've seen women who know that someone's in love with them & they exploit that weakness in him & use their evil feminine wiles to manipulate the guy to achieve their selfish goals. You see it. Time & time again, play out through history. Women using men, GOOD men, who worship the ground they walk on, & in some cases - would give their very lives. Of course not every woman is like this, I admit that. Hell, I even acknowledge that there are some good ones out there, though rare as they may be. And, to give the ladies equal time, I also admit there are men who do the same thing.
I guess what it boils down to is risk. KNOWING that if you open yourself up to a relationship you RISK getting hurt. But you also risk finding love & happiness.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
What are you talking about' I watched that movie too and he was scoring with some super hot chicks. Oh sorry wrong movie. Forest Hump.
Hate to burst your bubble tref.....but I've seen it both ways. Time and time again.
The story is identical for both sexes....depending only on who is telling it.
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/25/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"] Ok. I've just downed my first coffee & I can feel the ol' synapses kicking in, so time to make today's entry.
As yesterday was a typical rainy, grey Vancouver Saturday & it was customary for me to visit D on Saturdays, I just wasn't up for it. And knowing, that if I was to call him & cancel, I'd get the standard guilt trip, in his classic Child-like response, so I figured, knowing that's what I would get if I called him to cancel, I'd just let him figure it out. I've done it before & you think he'd get the message, but he sticks to his old ways. I guess when you're 83 years old, depressed & blind, it can be hard finding motivation to change.
But, I called him early this morning, with my fake story about how I completely lost track of the days & didn't realize that yesterday was Saturday. You see, I've heard him tell me himself, how he loses track of the days, being retired, so being out of work myself, I figured he could relate. And of course, he bought it. After I had to endure a cold greeting of: "Helo Alec" when he first picked up the phone, but once I launched into my bullshit story, he came around. Man, I am such a manipulator! It's a shame I couldn't profit from such talents, but the MAN says you need to go to all kinds of schools & courses to get your Psychology certificate, just so you can f*ck with people's minds on a legitimate basis.
Oh well, I'll just continue using my tools to my own ends then. As I write, it is yet, another grey day, here in Raincouver, although the sun does seem to be making a heroic effort to break through. They should sell tickets. It might turn out to be an epic battle. I can hear the play-by-play call:
[span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]"Clouds are doing a very good job of covering the zone, as they set up in a Cumulo Nimbus formation. Very little movemen...WAIT...just above St. Paul's Hospital, there's a hole, the Sun's working on it...The clouds double back - it's gonna be close...is it....is it...NO! a FANTASTIC save by the clouds, shutting the door at the last second!"[/span]
[span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]COLOR COMMENTATOR: "You could see Jim, the Sun saw through the clouds Trap & they weren't gonna hold back & they went for it, but were robbed by a very good Clouds defence."[/span]
Oh crap. Did I just write that? I really need help. I know they say a mind is a terrible thing to waste, but sometimes, with some of the stuff that comes outta MY head, I tend to think the world might be better off withOUT mine.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/26/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"] Ok.
Gonna take a chance here & start writing before I've ven finished my coffee & hope something comes out.
So here it is, Monday Feb. 26 already & I just happen to glance at my Daytimer & I see I've got my next appointment with my Shrink already. I remember leaving his office last time, which I SWEAR was only yesterday & not over a week ago, being armed with all kinds of Back-to-Work resources & I was to report back to him next time (Today, as it turns out) & tell him how it went. My question simply is this:
How the HELL did 7 days get by me so quickly??? I'm serious. I really feel like I only saw him like a couple of days ago & I had all kinds of time, but it's been a WEEK already? Now I remember. When I was in this position a couple of years ago (Just having been fired & waiting around for my R.O.E.) I remember time just flying by then & it's gotten me thinking. One of the worst things Depression takes from you is time. As time is linear, every second we lose is gone forever & can never be replaced. Here, not only am I battling Depression, but S.A.D. as well. And when you are trying to save every penny you have, your motivation to go out is further reduced, for fear you might spend money.
All these elements combined with the constantly crappy weather, create this vortex, who's only function is to suck time into it's void. The way a Black Hole sucks all matter, including light itself right out of existence (Billions & billions of stars...he says in his best Carl Sagan voice)
So then, here I am. in a scarce few hours, I have to report back to my Shrink that I haven't followed up on all those Employment resources he researched for me. "Why not?" I can hear him query. "You had all kinds of time. I don't understand..." & I'll look him squarely in the eye & say: "That's exactly the reason Doc. Because I had all kinds if time."[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/27/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"] The FIRST indication I had that the day would be bad, was as I was dropping the garbage off & I bent down to puck up a piece that had fallen when, RIIIIP!
unfortunately, I've had so many of these telltale weightgain signs, these past few years, that I've been able to recognize the sound & STOP my movement immediately to minimize the damage. As I said, I've been putting on Doug Weight over this past year & especially this past month, where I've been pretty much sedintary. At least when I was working, I had a 20 min. walk to work & 20 walk home. SOME excercise at least. But now, as I said none. & especially with the shit weather, no motivation to go out for a walk even. I tell ya, Vancouver would be the greatest city in the WORLD, if it wasn't for the damn rain!
But anyway, sustaining minimal damage to my pants, I counted myself lucky. I checked my mailbox on the way back & voila! FINALLY the company had mailed my my blessed R.O.E. I had already structured my day around my visit to my Shrink & I figured, I had waited this long, I could wait one more day to turn it in to E.I.
On the bus trip out to Dunbar, I worked some more on my book & continued working right on up to the Substop, where I planned to kill off an hour, when I saw that my phone was ringing. It was Helena (Dad's Caregiver) For the 1st time since I'd known her, she sounded shaken. She had just dropped Dad off at Emergency. He was having breathing trouble. Actually, he had been having trouble for a couple of months, but apparently it was bad enough today, that he had to go to Hospital. Well there I am. Stuck in Dunbar, without a car & a Shrink appt. in less than an hour. I told Helena that I would be to the Hospital as soon as I was done here. (It was too late to cancel & now, I really NEEDED to talk to someone therapeutic.)
As expected, My Shrink's 1st inquiry was how the job search had gone, when I told him what had happened, the conversation quickly turned to my concern for my Father & my fear that I may lose him this time. He soon brought me around to the fact that I WILL lose him eventually & that we all die & that he is 83 & wasn't even supposed to reach his 70's with his history of heart problems. Yes, I broke down in tears during that session, I bared my heart for my love of my Father, when I got a call, as I was in the Shrink's office. It was Dad himself! He told me he was ok for the moment & that they would be keeping him overnight to run some tests. I felt like I, WE had ducked a cannonball. I had been given another chance with my Father. I also took away some valuable truths from this visit to my Shrink. Some things to help keep me me grounded. Yes, I will lose my Father someday. Yes I will lose my Mother someday & yes I will die myself, someday. But until these events happen, we are powerless to change what must be. All you can do, is to try to make the most you can of the time you have with the ones you love.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 02/28/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr] [td] [p class="blogContent"] Uh-oh. I shouldn't be doing this. Writing before the coffee kicks in. I'm seriously tempting mediocrity here. I'll just have to hope it takes effect before I'm through with this post.
I sent this email to Tuna:
[span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Hi Tuna.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]F.Y.I. - I DID receive my R.O.E. in the mail yesterday. Thank you.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]This now brings to conclusion my association with The Company.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Please pass along my Deepest thanks to everyone. in particular, my former co-workers. I know they all tried their best & beyond & I will[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]always[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]be thankful for their efforts. I'm only sorry they couldn't get value for[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]their[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]investment.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] They are the most intelligent & brightest people I have ever had the[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]privilege of working with.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]& I know they all will do well in their careers.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Tuna,[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] I know you really stuck your neck out for me on this. I give you credit[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]for not saying it, but I would imagine you're quite disappointed I didn't[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]pan out. I am truly sorry that I wasn't of material. All I can tell you is[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]I[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]tried my best & I take that knowledge with me.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] I'm the 1st to admit, I have alot of growing up to do & alot of[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]problems.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]But, one thing I DID learn from you, during my time is the courage to start[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]to tackle those problems. I grew more this past year, than at any other[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]time[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]in my life. As you recall, at the start, I couldn't even envision myself[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]working downtown, the stuff we did on the company picnic - are you KIDDING me? &[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]the trip to Vegas. All significant milestones in my life - all thanks to[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]you. Again, I WISH I had been able to measure up. Maybe someday I might be[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]of such account, but unfortunately as we both found out. I'm not there just[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]yet. I'm sure Russ said to you many times: "What's WITH that guy?" & I[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]don't[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]even want to imagine the number of times you had to defend me to him.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Again,[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]I certainly never intended you to look bad because of me.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] We now both have our separate lifepaths to go down. & while they may[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]not be intertwined professionally, I hope I still can call you my friend.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Regardless, I will always consider you mine.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"] Ok, before I well up here I'll close this off. I'm gonna send a[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]separate email to Lee, as I have some things I need to say to her too.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Take care, Tuna.[/span][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][br style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"][span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"]Alec.[/span]
I got the following response:
[span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Hi Alec.,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Glad to hear the ROE arrived - hope that helps you with the next steps on[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]your path.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]No need to worry about the impact on me of you Company experience, and as[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]for Russ, I never once had to defend you to him. He was always looking for[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]ways to help you, even more than I, and he's a very decent man. Just last[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Fri he was asking about you and how you're doing and if there are ways[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]the Company could still help.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]I'm also not disappointed at all - we both tried our best and that's all[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]one can do. At the end of the day, it wasn't the right fit, that's all.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]There is somewhere out there that is the right fit for you, but as you[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]mention, it'll probably require a change in perspective on your part and[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]some growth - it's all part of the journey and we all go thru it in our own[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]ways.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]As for our friendship, I never considered you anything but a friend.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]However, I do feel that for the moment, you need to sort out the path of[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]your life and I think that's something you need to do on your own, which is[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]why I haven't been in contact. I know in my journey, things didn't start[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]going right until I had no other option (and no one left to lean on) but to[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]make sure it went right. Tough love, I guess, and I worry about you often,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]but I think in the long run I'm doing the right thing.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Hope things go well for you Alec and keep in touch. And keep your chin up[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]- it's all about learning and moving forward.[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Take care, old friend![/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Best regards,[/span][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"]Tuna.
[span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"]While the temptation is to react emotionally to the part in his response that stands out for me in this & say to myself: "So, he's washing his hands of me then. Fine. f*ck him!" I know deep in my heart that, in fact is not his intention at all.
In fact, here is an opportunnity for me to learn from a previous mistake, for it was my reacting emotionally on an email that got me fired from this job in the 1st place. The healing has begun.
So at least we part, temporarily hopefully - on good terms.
As for D, of course I went to visit him in the hospital & also visited Mother. How many people can say they have BOTH their parfents in the hospital?
I read to each of them my latest entries in my book & got the much welcomed enthusiastic support. I have to remember to take their reactions in perspective too, though - for the book is largely about them too, & of course they are going to be biased towards me. What I really need is some detatched, professional input.
I also got a bit of a scare in the news, when I found out that my brand of Dope, Effexor has been known to cause fatalities in large doses. Well no SHIT!
I remember back 2 years ago, when I was up to 300 mg. & was experiencing an irregular heartbeat, my Doc just said: "That's normal" Well, given my family's history of heart attacks, I'm lucky I didn't have a Coronary back then.
f*cking Doctors & their pill pushing cures for Depression! Now I wonder just how many Doctors / Shrinks have blindly prescribed Antidepressants without knowing their side effects?[br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][/span][/span][/p][br style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]
[p class="blogSubject"] 03/02/2007 [/p] Holy shit - you mean it's been a month since I been out of work!?
Where did the time go? I know, & remember going through this exact same feeling the 1st time I lost my job & was awaiting E.I. to kick in - in '04 But it just seems to me that time just keeps getting faster & faster.
Of course, the trap here is to start thinking negatively about all the things you haven't accomplished & "never got to do." But I've learned - at least that, that's when you have to STOP such negative thoughts & turn them around into POSTITIVE ones. Even better if you can turn them into positive ACTIONS.
On another note, I have re-discovered my sex-drive ever since I cut back on the dope. These last few weeks I have been horny as HELL & my mastabatory habits are equal to what they were when I was in my early 20's, but with one difference. MINUS the frustration & the negative tension. I think I've found the ideal dosage of dope, whereby I can now enjoy the benefits of a good tug-o-war with Cyclops & yet NOT be so anxious that I can't even go outside. That's how it was for me before I was on Anti-Depressants. Social Anxiety Disorder. I think it's safe to say, the Effexor's taken care of that. Although, I'll admit. If I'm given the choice to go out partying, or a quiet night at home, I'd STILL choose the night at home. Not because I'm afraid, necessarilly - it's just my comfort zone. A learned response that I've become accustomed to. Old habits.
I noticed I offended some readers with yeaterday's post on D.S. Because the Mod-Squad deleted my entire entry for the day. I didn't realize it was such a Christian-Right Wing controlled forum.
Well, I certainly didn't mean to offend, but if they can't deal with REAL LIFE, then obviously, my posts don't belong there. Funny. I never thought I'd ever run into censorship issues.
I took the day off from visiting Dee yestersday, as he had Helena to occupy him & it was costin g me $6.00 a day just to go see him. Money which I really can't afford right now. Plus he's got all the nurses to flirt with to keep him stimulated. Actually, sometimes I think I'm even interfering with him in that regard, when I go down there. But I know I made the right choice in taking the day off from him yesterday. For ME, at least.
I noticed I offended some readers with yeaterday's post on D.S. Because the Mod-Squad deleted my entire entry for the day. I didn't realize it was such a Christian-Right Wing controlled forum.
Well, I certainly didn't mean to offend, but if they can't deal with REAL LIFE, then obviously, my posts don't belong there. Funny. [FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #fcfae1"]I never thought I'd ever run into censorship issues.[/FONT]
On the contrary, I'd think you'd be quite familiar with them by now.
Well Trefilov....as we're into the 3rd cycle of reruns, it's hard to know what 'yesterday's' post was all about.....although I have a relatively good idea.
Are you suggesting that if it were your job to acquire advertising to keep yourself afloat....that you could walk in to a company and tell some of your stories, and actually seal a deal? Censorship ?....or common sense. [/DIV]
[p class="blogTimeStamp"] 03/02/2007 [/p] [table class="blog" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"][tbody][tr][td width="30"][/td] [td] [p class="blogContent"] Captain's Blog: Sublime Mental.
My day got off to a bad start, when I told Dee to call me when he's told he's been discharged & I would take the bus over town & help him get a cab home. The second he DOES call me however, I'm in the middle of another jerk-off. (I know, I know - don't even SAY it!)
But talk about killing a buzz!
There's no doubt I AM an Orgasm Junkie, as I experienced a bit of what a drug addict must go through, when they're denied a fix. I was irritable at my dad for calling at this exact moment. Even though he had done absolutely nothing wrong!
I still remember his words: "Come all ye faithful..." trying to make light of the situation that he needed me to pick him up.
I know to anyone reading this, it must look like I'm nothing but a shallow, self-centered Pervert, who's more interested in playing with himself all day long, than helping out his poor old father. & maybe in some respects I am. I know I HATE having to care for my father & sometimes, every goddamn one of his mannerisms gets on my f*ckING NERVES! I know he can't help it & I feel like a terrible person for saying such things aginst my own father. I thank CHRIST for Helena. If it wasn't for her, not would I be so TOTALLY screwed by now, but I'm sure that my dad would probably be dead from neglect. I'm serious. I truly love that girl & I don't know if she realizes how special she truly is. I mean, here I am, bitching about only a few short hours with my aging father. SHE has to put up with him at LEAST twice a week! Dee truly loves her too & has often said, that if he were alot younger (like my age) ...She IS a fine lookin' woman, & beleive me, it's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind, but I have such a love for her, that I know she deserves MUCH better than me. I mean truly. For all she's done for my father & Mother AND me. I stopped saying "Thank You" to her, because I just can't possibly thank her enough for everything she's done. GOD I'd love to sleep with her tho!
But today, I had just a taste of what she has to go through all the time & I know that it takes a very special person to be able to be as patient with folks like my dad. I sympathize with Seniors & their struggles tho. Hell, I evern wrote a song about it, back in my musical days, but I just know that I don't have what it takes to care for them & I feel guilty because of it.
You see, I have come to the conclusion that there are 2 distinct personalities within me. One Good - the other Evil. I know most people probably have this in them, but lately I've actually had to learn to identify them & to try to keep peace between them. To actually FEEL the two sides, struggling aginst each other for control of your very soul is very unsettling. I WANT to be the good person. I WANT to give selflessly to others, I want to see good ultimately triumph over Evil, but I have such a DARK side that makes me sad. I hate it when I get comfort from things that are bad. I feel guilty when I hear a story of a woman, or girl is murdered & my 1st thought is: "Good! The bitch deserved it." Who the hell am I to pass judgement on someone, whom I've never even met & has had ZERO impact on my life? I HATE it when I feel like that. I know there is a good person buried within me & thank god, he's not dead yet.[/p][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table]