[font size="1"]Yes, it's April Fool's Day![/font]
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China buys Google
Mu Shu Porked
[font size="1"]By Team Register in an undisclosed location, near Silicon Valley
Published Saturday 1st April 2006 04:24 GMT
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Exclusive The People's Republic of China has acquired a controlling stake in the United States' fastest growing technology company, Google.
Google announced the transfer of 140m shares of Class B stock to a new entity owned by the Chinese Ministry of Information in typically forthright style. The news was disclosed in a Captcha graphic on its Google Canteen Menu weblog; investors had to click a hidden link to see the announcement, and then decode a stenographically-hidden message watermarked into the JPG file. Once decrypted, the message read:
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gee it's raining here in mountain view and my cats hungry so we thought we'd better update you on our corporate finances. we've sold out to china. have a great weekend boo-yah!!lol
[/div]No other details were forthcoming. The deal raises urgent national security questions, a six month investigation by The Register's Silicon Valley staff can reveal.
Amongst the assets acquired by the Chinese government is NASA's [a href="http://www.nasa.gov/centers/ames/business/index.html"]Ames Research Center[/a]. Google announced a partnership with Ames last year, and, as it turns out, the move laid the groundwork for the takeover by the PRC. The Chinese will gain control of the world's largest wind tunnels - devices that when opened up could be used to push the smell of Mu Shu Pork across much of Silicon Valley, or conversely be used to spread avian bird flu, or mind-altering substances.[div id="Body"] Ministry of Information officials were conducting examinations at the Ames facility today, and requested rush hour traffic on the adjacent Highway 101 be re-routed. Caltrans officials agreed to the request.[/p] President Bush uses Ames as his landing pad for Northern California visits and is expected to do so under the Chinese ownership.[/p] "The Chinese make the blankets, headphones, chopsticks, stereos and tires on Air Force One," said White House spokesman, Scott McLellan. "I don't see why they can't land the damn thing too."[/p] [h3]How we didn't break the news[/h3] It was a picture taken by a [em]Register[/em] reader from inside the Chinese Propaganda Ministry six months ago that prompted our investigation. The shot appeared to show Government artists harnessing the youthful charisma of Google's founders for a productivity campaign.[/p] Only when we saw further evidence of the artwork did the penny drop.
[/p][a href="http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/04/01/googlechina_build_the_future.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/04/01/googlechina_map_detail.jpg" alt="China's Google: Ominous warning" title="China's Google: Ominous warning" height="153" width="270"][/a][/p] [h5][ Click to see Ominous Warning ][/h5] Coincidentally, today, the Chinese news service [cite]Xinhua[/cite] reported that dot com era publisher John Battelle has been appointed to the Ministry of Information's Propaganda Unit. ®[/p] [Thanks to [a href="http://www.splinterproducts.com/" target="_blank"]Splinter Products[/a] for the shots from inside the Chinese Propanda Ministry, and inside the Sergeyry.][/p] [/div]
