Hi Van_Guy I am not feeling much better. I am just happy to still be alive.
but I am writing my will. and making arrangements for my own funeral and have yet to decide on who will be the one to handle my last wishes in-case i am unable to do so. I do not want my family to have to deal with all of this. it is bad enough i have to deal with my own mortality at such a young age. sighs. i am over the anger at my disease. but i do get very depressed and find my self in states of catatonic sadness for no reason what so ever.
as for happiness and laughter some days it is hard to find a reason to get out of bed. but i do so anyways. i have returned to work, i have lost a lot of weight cause i don't eat to well and when i do i get sick. either i vomit or i get the shits.. am i sharing to much info... probably. do any of you give a shit or care about me i doubt it. but i post it anyways. cause i have no one else to tell and share this shit with . might as well tell you freaks of nature .. right ?
question how do you pick person to handle the stuff when u are no longer capable of doing so ? some one who will make sure my last wishes are followed. who will make sure i am not put on advanced life support and make sure i am not resuscitated. i do not want to be kept alive by machines...
when my body is dead and my mind is gone, i don't want some machines trying to keep me alive after i have left... and i sure as bloody hell don't want to spend the last few months, weeks or days of my life in a be-damned, jail cell of a hospital bed.
hell Canadian jails are more comfortable than our shit hole hospitals beds like for Gods sake they put me in a God-Damned lounge its not even meant to house the sick. it was supposed to be used for patient entertainment...
but they did away with that cause their is no money for our health system.. a system that is bankrupt... why do we reward our doctors and nurses for a fu-ked up system... if England can manage its money and medical system and Switzerland can also... why cant we ?
why do we reward our politicians for shooting us in the back. hell our own government is bent us over the couch and is Fu_king us over on a daily basis and we r laying here begging them to fu_k... us again and again . when the hell are we going to have a Canadian revolution and overthrow the incompetent bastards in government
they are over spending our tax dollars on useless shit like winter Olympics giving them selves pay raises and nice little retirment packages worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. mean while we have immediate problems like our health-care system that need to be fixed first.
well i never voted for the Olympics.. but some 3 piece suit and tie monkey fudge packing ass-hat did. sighs.. can u tell i am a bit perturbed about the upcoming farce of a winter Olympics we should not be having ?
in the past 7 months i have spent over nearly 57 days in hospital beds or in a delirium on my bad days and i don't will not return to another one. the only decent compensation is that they do keep a person nicely dosed and sedated on dilauded. so at least i have no pain.
a additional side effect of that medication is i tend to love people and be a bit nicer than normal. now if only they could cure me of my horrible case of the horns...
as for retuning to a hospital i will arrange a accident of my own... before i will let myself die in a hospital bed from the toxins and poisons that will kill me... if my liver goes tits up again... right now i am just waiting to see another liver spetgwpdt for a second opinion (apparently this guy also specializes in transplants) and to find out what my odds are of getting a matching donor for liver transplantation.
So until they know why my liver has failed and what the unknown entomology behind my hepatitis is they wont give me another liver i am to much of a risk in giving me a new one so they will give a liver to a younger man with better odds of survival... , if they cant stop my body form killing this one.
why give me a new liver? if it is just gonna get killed off, just like the one i have now... for medical reasons not yet diagnosed. sighs. or if i was Steve jobs... anyone want to bet he paid for his liver and paid big bucks while quite possibly even arranged for the matching liver to have a convenient accident .. but hey that's just crazy talk or is it..
and 911 was a inside job. the German Nazis blew up their own buildings .. and use dit as a excuse to take away legal rights... history is repeating itself ...
Obama is he even a natural born american.. i have not yet seen proof he was born a american..
Weapons of mass destruction did they ever find any ?
am i forgetting any new conspiracys .. other than the cloud seeding and experiments on weather control ?
time take some more[a href="vny!://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydromorphone" class="bbc_url" title="External link" rel="nofollow"] Hydromorphone[/a] and escape into lala land and pretend everything is just fine.. maybe next time i will lie and say i am just fine instead...
[table bgcolor="#ffffdd" border="1"][tbody][tr][td colspan="2" align="center"][small]
Anti-Spam Bot-Stopper Please type the text below into this field[/small][/td][/tr] [tr][td align="center"] [style type="text/css"] TD.at_r1 (vertical-align:bottom;) [/style] [table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"][tbody][tr][td]
[/td][td rowspan="2" class="at_r1"]
li[/td][td]
[/td][/tr][tr][td]
ber[/td][td]
n[/td][/tr][/tbody][/table][/td][td][input name="sauce_check" value="7380c2adf1aa0992adcda3a5e8549736" type="hidden"][input name="sauce" size="10" type="text"][/td][/tr][/tbody][/table] [input name="post" value="Post" onclick="return scheck(); return submitThisOnce(this);" accesskey="s" tabindex="3" type="submit"] [input name="preview" value="Preview" onclick="return (typeof(document.postmodify.attachmentPreview) == "undefined" || !document.postmodify.attachmentPreview.value || confirm('You will have to reattach any attachments, continue with preview?')) && submitThisOnce(this);" accesskey="p" tabindex="4" type="submit"]
