Joke o' The Day

[The Joker-or-Olie JOKinen]

 Joke o' the Mornin' to ya.

QUESTION:
Bemember that show Space:1999 from the 70's & those spaceships they used called Eagles.

Well, suppose  those eagles always carried actors Robert Redford & Debra Winger & Daryl Hannah - know what they'd be called then?
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.LEGAL EAGLES!
 

[Schadenfreude]

 I rear ended a car a few days ago.......
 I tell you, It was a REALLY bad day!
 The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF.

 He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy!"
 So I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

[Devil]

A horse walks into a bar...bartender asks "why the long face?"

  ....sorry....

[P.C.]

(caution....this is a dirty joke)  [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c008.gif" border=0]

  What's smaller than a teeny weeny fly?

[kitten]

Is it a teeny weeny weeny?

[P.C.]

HAHAHAHAAAAA....THAT is CORRECT Miss Kitten......

    The fly's teeny weeny.  [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/liebe/g038.gif" border=0]

[kitten]

I was thinking of a different "fly" when I answered.

[Schadenfreude]

[A onclick="jvascript:fullSize('63aktqu', '642', '622'); return false;" href="jvascript:void(0);"][img class=imgsize id=img style="BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid" alt="TinyPic image" src="http://i16.tinypic.com/63aktqu.jpg" border=0][/A].

[P.C.]

That's really good Schad..... LOL

[Marik]

*racist joke here, so don't drag the mouse over the bar if you get offended easily*


Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?

[span style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"]Because he doesn't know he is black. [/span]
 

[GORDY GAMBINO]

A bloke was walking along a railway line.  He finds a girl on the railway line. So he unties her and takes her home and has his wicked way with her.

  He tells his friend about this conquest and is asked 'was she pretty" and he replies 'I DON'T KNOW SHE DID'NT HAVE A HEAD"  

[Devil]

 [P align=left][FONT face=Verdana size=2]A guy goes into a Tim Horton's in Gander and notices there's a "Roll Up The Rim To Win" Contest going on. So, he rolls it up and starts screaming;
       "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
       The girl at the counter says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a car".
       But the person keeps on screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
       Finally, the manager comes over and says, "I'm sorry, but
you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
       The person says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor
home!" They hand the cup to the manager and he reads..........

       "W I N A B A G E L"[/FONT]

[kitten]

 Signs you may be a Canadian  [UL] [LI]You stand in "line-ups" at the movies, not "lines".  [LI]You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk"  [LI]You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."  [LI]You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars  [LI]You drink pop rather than soda  [LI]You know what it means to be on pogey  [LI]You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the cottage, eh!!"  [LI]You don't hold your hand to your breast when you sing the national anthem  [LI]You can leagally drink as a teen  [LI]You know that anglophones, francophones and allophones are not electronic devices  [LI]You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike  [LI]You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba. You just know it's a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars  [LI]When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it  [LI]You're not sure the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't really want to know if he has  [LI]You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs  [LI]Pike is a type of fish, not a freeway  [LI]You sit on a couch, not a chesterfield - that's some small town in Quebec  [LI]You know what a Robertson screwdriver is  [LI]You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers or car's glove compartment  [LI]You know that Thrills are something to chew on and "taste like soap."  [LI]You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."  [LI]You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.  [LI]You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.  [LI]You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you could really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your ass and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.  [LI]You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.  [LI]You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.  [LI]You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.  [LI]You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.  [LI]Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.  [LI]You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel 'nightie' with only 8 buttons.  [LI]You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.  [LI]You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"  [LI]You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.  [LI]The mosquitoes have landing lights.  [LI]You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.  [LI]You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.  [LI]The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.  [LI]You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.  [LI]Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.  [LI]You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.  [LI]At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.  [LI]The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.  [LI]Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.  [LI]You head south to go to your cottage.  [LI]You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.  [LI]You know which leaves make good toilet paper.  [LI]The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.  [LI]You find -40°C a little chilly.  [LI]The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.  [LI]You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.  [LI]You can play road hockey on skates.  [LI]The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.  [LI]You read rather than scanned this list  [LI]You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.. [/LI][/UL]

[P.C.]

Sounds like they left B.C. out.

[kitten]

The list was probably assembled in Toronto.....or the States.