[FONT color=#000000]That's all well and good, but you can't beat Black Angus...[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"At Black Angus, we'll start you off with our appetizer platter, featuring five jumbo deep-fried gulf shrimp, served on a disc of salted butter, with fifteen of our potato bacon bombs, and a big bowl of pork cracklins, with our cheese and butter dippin' sauce."[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"Uhh...we're all gonna split that--"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"OH, YOU'LL EACH GET YOUR OWN! Then we'll take you to our mile-long soup and salad bar, featuring bacon and cheese cream soup and our five-head of iceberg lettuce He-Man salad, served in a punch bowl, with 18 pounds of ranch dressing, pork-stuffed deep fried croutons, and what the hell, a couple of corn dogs!"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"Uhh...hey, man, I'll tell you what, I'll just...I'll get like a mixed green salad."[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"Hey, I'll suck a cock on the Golden Gate bridge before I bring you a mixed green, buddy!"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"I--what? I--"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough!"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"I--wha? Wait a minute. Am I getting a steak?"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"Oh, you'll get a f*ckin' steak! 'Cause then we'll bring out our 55-ounce Los Mesa He-Man steak slab, served with a deep-fried pumpkin stuffed with buttered scallops, and 53 of our potato bacon bombs."[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"Oh, dude, I don't think--"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"And then bend over, Abigail May, 'cause here comes the gravy pipe!"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#007f40]"I--wh-what?[/FONT]
[FONT color=#c00000]"Black Angus. Doors are locked from the outside, faggot!!"[/FONT]
[FONT color=#000000]-Teh Patton Oswalt[/FONT]