Enjoy...
I live near Seattle in a small town that has a Planned Parenthood clinic. Quite often when I go by it there are protesters out front with signs, protesting the presence of the clinic. I really detest these meddling a**holes, and I decided to mount a demoralization operation against them. I call it
Operation Unintended Consequences, the reasons for which will become clear in a moment.
So anyway, today my son and I drove by, and there they were, a little group of moralistic f*cktards. We parked near them and I got out, made a show of counting how many of them there were (there were 6 of them today), and then I went into the Planned Parenthood clinic.
I asked the lady at the front desk if she would like to see the protesters go away, or failing that, if she'd like to see them go home demoralized and unhappy. She said she would.
So I took out an checkbook from an old, no longer valid bank account, and I wrote a bogus check for $6000.00. I tore up the check and told the front desk lady to wait until I left, and then go out and wave to the protesters and shout "Thank you!".
I left the clinic and and walked over to the protesters. I said hello, and then I launched into my story. Here's what I told them...
"I'm (fake name) and I noticed you out here. You know, I may not look like much, but the fact is, I'm pretty damn well off. To put it bluntly, I'm f*cking rich. I started a software company in the 1980's; we made a bit of software that ended up being bought by Yahoo for a little over a five and a half million dollars. After that I started two other software companies and they've also done quite well. (BIG GRIN) So even though I may live a simple life and don't dress fancy, the truth is that I have more money than I know what to do with."
"In short, I think what you're doing is wrong, so I just wrote a check to Planned Parenthood. I gave them a thousand dollars for each one of you out here." I opened my checkbook and let them get a good close look at the carbon copy part of the check for $6000.00, payable to "Planned Parenthood". They couldn't hide their shock at seeing the check, lol. A couple of them reacted like they'd been slapped. The consternation in the air was palpable (and delicious, lol).
But I wasn't done, oh no. I went on...
"So here's the deal- I come by here once or twice a week, and every time I see you a**holes out here I'm going to write Planned Parenthood a check, and it's gonna be a thousand bucks for each one of you that are here that day."
"If three of you idiots show up, they'll get three thousand bucks. If five of you are here, they'll get five thousand bucks. I'll probably cap it at ten grand per check, but honestly, I can do this every single week for the rest of my life if I want and it won't even put a dent in my bank account."
"In other words, the more you show up, the more money Planned Parenthood gets." I smiled, looking each of them in the eye.
The look on their faces was f*cking priceless.
I told them to "Have a nice day", and I got in my car and drove off.
I'm going to do this every time I see them. Let's see how long the protesters last.
