heroin addict, please help

[Aboozer]

Ok here's the situation. My wifes cousin is a heroin addict. Everyone in the family has basically turned their back on him because of his manipulation and lies. He has been through treatment and out again only to go back to it. He is now sleeping on the street. Everyone in my wifes family are so hurt, but have lost all faith in him and have given up letting him into their homes, and given up on trying to get through to him. I know that it is important for him to want to change his life himself. But I am kind of an outside party who never developed a real relationship with him, but I still give a shit..

The fact that me being an outside party, that can't be manipulated by him, do you think there is anything I can do to get through to this kid? I'm willing to help him in anyway I can without giving him anything for free, and the reason I think it's better that I reach out, is because he can't manipulate my feelings like he does to the family that loves him. I just know, although he has to be able to make a decision to do it himself, I know that he can't do it without someone to support him and be there for him, and maybe even show him some tough love. I mean I am willing to guide him a long to do the right thing and sacrafice a lot of my own time to get him straight, but I need to know that this is possible. Or maybe I'm wrong and that's just wishful thinking.

Are their any ex-drug addicts or anyone that can give any sort of promising input on this situation, and if you're trolling please save it, cause this is serious and is hurting my wifes family.

[weird al]

I think it's great that you want to reach out and help, and also that you don't want to give away anything for free. All that seems to leave though, is that you make yourself available as somebody he can talk to. This can work as long as it stays non-invasive. I'm a firm believer that when you make yourself available to somebody in this way, you also have to leave the other person some room: you're not his leader, you're not his pawn either.

   If some trust is established (2-way), you might be able to provide basic information, like what resources are available, etc. Sometimes you can unlock weird world-views that people have acquired in the absence of a sane environment. Like with alkies, some of them insist they're crazy. They sober up,and then they find out they're just garden-variety neurotics. Some people detox (drugs, booze) and discover new ways to be kinky S.O.B.'s.  Some work out fine.

 I'd say, be available, but leave the person some room  at the same time. Hope this helps at all.

[Gopher]

It may be rather an obvious thing to say, and something you've already thought of - but have you contacted Narcotics Anonymous? They may be able to point you in the right direction, and may possibly also may have a support group  (or at least know of one) for relatives of drug addicts.

Best of luck in your endeavours.  

[Opinion]

The fact that me being an outside party, that can't be manipulated by him, do you think there is anything I can do to get through to this kid?
 In a word, no. Addicts have no control over their behavior and they don't want to be "helped". I understand your wish to help this person, but you'll be wasting your time. Sorry to be so blunt but I speak from experience.

[NA member]

 the bottom line is, there can be every reason in the world for your cousin to need to get clean.  It may be completely obvious to everyone around him that his world is a wreck.  But unless he happens to see his dillema, as we call it, 'a moment of clarity'  any and all effort is for nothing. Until you want to get clean, and are willing to do the work necessary to make that happen, you can't get clean.


Do you really want to help him?  Let him know that when he's ready, you'll take him to go get help.  And when and if that happens, let him help himself.  So many times our family members have tried to 'help' us, and in doing so, only made it easier for us to continue doing the very things we were doing. Your family has the right idea(whether they know it or not)- they're not doing anything for him that will make it easier for him to keep getting high.  That usually means no sleeping on the couch(just for the night, you know), no buying him any of his personal needs(because thats just one less thing to worry about for him, so he can spend more of the money he has on dope),  and for God's sake,   no cash to get him by for the day or whatever it may be.  Any assistance you give makes it easier for him to keep doing what he's doing.  You really want to help him?  Don't help him.  The faster he hits bottom on his own, the faster he may get on the road to recover.  And that's no guarantee, either.  Addiction is powerful.  You yourself said that he'd already been to at least one other treatment.  So its not as if he doesn't know that there is a solution.  

So, sorry, Abozer, there is no promising input to help get him on the right road.  Its just the nature of addiction.  Some have a saying, hope it makes sense to you:   When the fear of change is no longer greater than the fear of remaining the same, change will come.

There is one thing you can do for him- you can pray for him.