I'm in the mood to dump an excessively long post...
For some reason, this particular chicken lady sketch greatly disturbed me and is acid etched into my brain...probably till the day I die...
[Dave walks up to apartment door and rings the bell.] Mark: Don't go. I'm home. Dave rings the bell again. Mark: Who is it? Dave: It's me, Max Davis. I answered your ad in the personals. We have a date tonight. Mark: Oh yeah? Are you my date? Dave: Yes, I am. [Dave turns as Scott and his girlfriend walk by.] Scott and girlfriend: Ewww! [Dave turns back to open door and Mark is standing there.] Mark: Well, I bet your mother gave you a name. What is it? Dave: I said it was Max. Mark: Oh yeah. Come on in, Max. Dave: No. Mark: What? You want to eat dinner out here? I did last night. Dave: So, you're not from Toronto? Mark: No, just north of it. Come on in. [Mark pulls Dave by the hand and throws him across the room. Dave crashes into the wall.] Dave: Well... what are you? Mark: God, you're not too bright. I'm a chickenlady. Dave: A chickenlady. Mark: Yup. And I love life. Do you love life? Dave: Oh yeah. Mark: I thought you might because I put that in my personal ad. Chickenlady loves life. Dave: Gee, I never took that literally. Mark: No? Dave: I never really took Ch-Ch-Chickenlady literally. Mark: You're not too bright. Dave: No. Mark: Just the way I like them. See that's my mom... and that's my dada. He left town the day I was born. They say he ain't never coming back. Dave: Papa was a rolling stone, huh? Mark: Let's get a look at you. God, you're different. Dave: Oh? Mark: Yeah, all the other guys are usually a lot bigger, but I got tired of paying for it. Darn near couldn't make my rent this month. Dave: Well, I guess it adds up. Mark: Cause it adds up.Yah, it adds up. So, do you like the place? Dave: Oh yeah,sure, it's really nice. I can't stay. Mark: Sure you can! Have a seat. So,what is it you do? Dave: I'm a banker. Mark: God, you must be thirsty. Can I get you a beer or would you like to just drink out of the toilet? Dave: A beer. Mark: Okay. Suit yourself. Hey, would you like to sign my yearbook? Dave: Oh, no thank you. Mark: High school was hell for me. Dave: Oh, really? Mark: All the other kids teased me. Dave: Wow, imagine that. Mark: If you want to stay in my good books, don't call me a birdbrain. If you want to stay in my good books, which you do. Gravel and grubs, gravel and grubs, I love to eat my gravel and grubs. [Mark drops down a tray with two plates. Mark sits and eats a worm.] Mark: Oh, I made you an omelet on account of I figured you might not like bugs. Dave: Oh, thank you. Mark: Go ahead. Tuck in. Dave: Oh, good. Mark: Course it's good, cause they're fresh. Straight out of my body and onto your plate. Dave: (screams) Ahhhh!! Oh my god!
[runs away]
