Really short jokes

Started by Tor Johnston, Feb 16 06 12:45

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P.C.

#15
Jun 29 06 12:15
.
Sir Isaac Newton invented the swinging door....for the convenience of his cat.

kitten

#16
Jun 29 06 12:17
Another good thread.  Wish I knew some to add to the page.
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped.  They have not forgotten.

Some Chick

#17
Jun 29 06 12:19
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Some Chick

#18
Jun 29 06 12:23
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

kitten

#19
Jun 29 06 12:25
  [A href="vny!://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm824DFCA" target=_blank][img alt=Smile src="vny!://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_1.gif[/img][/A] thank you, Some Chick.





[A href="vny!://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb068_ZNxdm824DFCA" target=_blank][img]vny!://discoverseattle.net/source/spacer.gif?pc=ZSzeb068&pp=ZNxdm824DFCA" border=0][/A]
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped.  They have not forgotten.

P.C.

#20
Jun 29 06 12:25
A horse walks into a bar....and the bartender says

  So........why the long face.
Sir Isaac Newton invented the swinging door....for the convenience of his cat.

Some Chick

#21
Jun 29 06 12:27
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

  (No offense to the men, I'm not a hater, these are just funny)

49er

#22
Jun 29 06 09:29
 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=left][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]The Picture on the Nightstand[?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=left][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of a man on her nightstand by the bed.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]No silly, "She replies, snuggling up to him.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"No not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Is it your dad or brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"No, no, no!!!" she answers.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"Well, who in the hell is he?" he demands.[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]"That's me before the surgery!"[/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"][/SPAN]

 [P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"]I know, I know.....its not really short[o:p][/o:p][/SPAN]

49er

#23
Jun 29 06 09:40
[FONT face=Verdana color=#010101 size=4]We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me![/FONT] [FONT face=Verdana color=#010101 size=4][SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"][SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]That's my story and I'm sticking to it![/SPAN] [/SPAN][/FONT]

Marik

#24
Jun 29 06 11:57
4 gay guys walk into a bar and look for a place to sit down... but they only see 1 stool left. What do they do?

Flip it upside-down.
 

TehBorken

#25
Jun 30 06 07:16
  P.C. wrote:
[div style="font-style: italic;"]A horse walks into a bar....and the bartender says[/div]  [div style="font-style: italic;"]So........why the long face.[/div]
 
Alanis Morissette walks into a bar....and the bartender says  So........why the long face.

(Image for those of you who've never seen her. You could make this joke about Ann Coulter, too, but I couldn't bring myself to post a picture of her.)

 
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

Future Canadian

#26
Jun 30 06 10:07
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It's rated "Arrrrr"
 
...religion has made some contributions to civilization. It helped in the early days to fix the calendar, and it caused Egyptian priests to chronicle ecplipses with such care that in time they were able to predict them. These two services I am prepared to acknowledge, but I do not know of any others

Future Canadian

#27
Jun 30 06 10:12
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down his pants.
The bartender asks him what it's there for.
"Y'arrr, it's driving me nuts."
 
...religion has made some contributions to civilization. It helped in the early days to fix the calendar, and it caused Egyptian priests to chronicle ecplipses with such care that in time they were able to predict them. These two services I am prepared to acknowledge, but I do not know of any others

Lise

#28
Jul 01 06 08:01
Bahaha. Good one, Some Chick.

    OK, if you're offended, don't read these gender jokes.

     [P align=left][FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.[/FONT]

 [FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2]
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."[/FONT]

 

 [FONT size=1]Source: [/FONT][A href="vny!://www.lifeisajoke.com/menvwomen9_html.htm"][FONT size=1]vny!://www.lifeisajoke.com/menvwomen9_html.htm[/FONT][/A]

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby.

Gopher

#29
Jul 04 06 11:20
And then there's the one about a lady of a certain profession who staggered into a bar and said, "Give me a drink, I'm worn out - I haven't been on my feet for 24 hours".
A fool's paradise is better than none.
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