HA! I knew you'd look.
No....I'm not talking boobs here.
I'm talking about social dilemmas.....'petty problems' or annoyances. Are they real problems or just things that we have to view in a different way. Is there always a clear right or wrong ? (clear as mud ?) OK....here's one.
Do you think that a dinner invitation should include telling who else will be at the dinner ? For example...some friends invited us for dinner the other night....saying "yea...it's been a long time since we've gotten together". I took this to mean that it would be the four of us.
We went out and picked up a sinful dessert that we have always enjoyed together in the past...(for 4). When we get there, there are 3 other couples (one with their teenage kid, one with 3 dogs and 1 of the couples we had never met). Don't get me wrong....I like meeting new people....I like large dinner parties.....I like kids....I like dogs....I even like spontaneity.....so it makes no sense to me, why I felt a little bit bugged.
so was this like the classic high school house party? You invite 4 people but 100 people show up because those 4 people asked more people who asked more people. etc?
No....the host had invited the intended guests. Apparently at least one other couple was aware that WE were being invited.
So... if you invited 'Sally and Rob' and then 'Sandy and Rick'....would you say to Sandy and Rick..."We're getting together with Sally and Rob on Saturday night, we were hoping you would join us". Or would you say...."We'd love to get together with you on Saturday night"....and say nothing about Sally and Rob being there also.
Or would you say....."P.C.....why are you being so petty" [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c008.gif" border=0]
oh. I would say the party guests.
I usually ask (casually, of course!) who else is gonna be there and if I bring something to the party how many ppl can I help feed. Usually a subtle way of nosing in who's coming. Though with my friends, I usually know who's coming because it's just the usual bunch.
My goodness, SD. Everything is high school related with you. First the relationship issue and now this? Priceless. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
hehehe.
true. lol
Its an easy comparison I guess.
I think SD may be flattering me by suggesting I might still partake in highschool parties. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c018.gif" border=0]
Some good points Lise. I was actually at a dinner party once when a couple showed up (without knowing who else was going to be there) only to find out that another couple they didn't particularly care for (well actually they hated them) Anyways....niether couple handled it very graciously and both couples left. rofl (now that's highschool)
ooooooh sounds like an SD family re-union!
I don't think you should have been necessarily informed of who would be there, but some indication of the numbers likely to be involved would seem to have been appropriate.
I agree with Lise. When I get invited to parties or get-togethers, I like to find out how many people are going to be there. Some times, they tell me what kind of people are going to show up like there are so many couples and some are family and some are close friends, etc.
When we get invited to family get-togethers, for example, yesterday's bbq, they told me who was going to be there by saying "so and so has to pick up so and so"
OK....here's another one.
Is it ever OK to ask an invited guest not to bring their pet ? Would you (or have you)?
I dunno that's a good one. If its family then its okay, imo. Guests not sure.
I've brought our little guy along but only when I make sure that it's ok with the other guests. That was before we had kids. Y'know, our little guy was my 'son' so he literally went everywhere with me. I dunno why. A dog makes wayyyy less mess than our kids.
But for the most part, I think it's probably best to leave your little furballs behind, unless you get the OK from the host. You don't really want to be eating that good ole potatoe salad with furs sticking out. Them bits ain't bacon bits, y'all. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
I think a lot of people feel like that Lise. Their pets are as much a part of their family as some peoples' kids.
I never worry about mess or a few muddy paw prints....that's just not an issue for me.....I worry more about my antisocial beast beating the bejeezers out of our guests pets. So consequently I end up having to lock him in the bedroom for the whole evening, and I feel so badly for him. I love my friends pets.....and I would never know how to ask them not bring them (sometimes.....not all the time, because I like to see them too). Is there a way....or is it just rude?
P.C., just put all the pets in a pen together and throw in a piece of meat. Pure entertainment. sorta like DV...
weird al !!! How nice to see you.
Yea....well see....that's the problem....my cat thinks every other animal IS meat. He took down a Golden retriever. It wasn't pretty, and the poor dog has had a complex ever since and my cat's ego is over inflated.
lol sounds like the late Angel on other animals. Tigger is animal friendly along with Ozzie but when Angel was living, lol you couldn't get them within 10ft of each other or Angel would attack, hiss, and swat at with her paw even though she was declawed.
Yea....I think the poor little guy has issues from his life before coming to live at Chateaux P.C. (He's adopted you know [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/a143.gif" border=0] )
He doesn't just get fiesty when a dog is near....he will come out of nowhere....full tilt.... and attack. And he will NOT LET GO. Then he's wayyyy back to square one with his attitude lessons for the next few days.
So here's another social dilemma.
Somebody comes to visit, and presents you with 'something'......for example.....guest says "We found these really cool _______(fill in the blank) when were at this funky little shop and we had to buy one.....we picked up one for you, because we knew you'd love it".
Do you say....OMG...how thoughtful of you! THANK YOU! (and accept it as a gift)?
Or do you say.....OMG...how thoughtful of you....how much do we owe you?
do the thank you and accept it as a gift.
oh dear, poor kitty cat. My friends cat is a super super super fat cat, looks like its going to explode. He was picked up in the flood of '93 floating on a piece of floating debris. The cat is scared of its shadow.
Gracious, PC. I would give my dog's balding spot to see your cat in action.
As for the 'thoughtful' gift-thing. I'm clueless. Nobody has ever given me anything like that out of the blues. Waaaah... maybe my friends are cheap. (http://discoverseattle.net/forums/richedit/smileys/Happy/12.gif)
nothing wrong with cheap friends. You've got to be 'cheap' in a funny way though.
lol Lise...your dogs balding spot [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c008.gif" border=0]
P.C. wrote:
Or do you say.....OMG...how thoughtful of you....how much do we owe you?
Tough one all right. Whatever they brought you, well, you'd already have one if you needed it right?
So if you don't have whatever it is, you don't need it, so therefore it has to be free to you, or it's worse than useless. Anyway, it's probably best to assume any unsolicited gift is free. If you're wrong, that's the last time you'll ever have to think about it.
Maybe keep a bunch of those little Chinese puzzles on hand for a handy little thoughtful payback :)
Excellent analysis weird al. (you'd think I was a social cripple with all these questions). I'm mostly curious about how others deal with these things. But I'd have to say, your viewpoint on this is a good one.
Reminds me of these people I knew in Sask.
These two families would alternate having the other family over for dinner every week or two.
Anyway, the family whose turn it was got bogged down with work and whatnot, and when they finally remembered, "Oh jeez, we gotta invite the Whatsits over for dinner", it turns out the Whatsits had won a major lottery two days previous.
Friendship over :(
[img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/a096.gif" border=0]....and the moral of the story is ?......don't take social 'obligations' lightly, and don't take your friends for granted ?
P.C. wrote:
[img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/a096.gif" border=0]....and the moral of the story is ?......don't take social 'obligations' lightly, and don't take your friends for granted ?
"Money makes friends...
...and money breaks friends..."
Yipes....I'm so glad I'm not rich. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/more/bigs/c028.gif" border=0]
being rich is overrated.
Sportsdude wrote:
being rich is overrated.
[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]How so?
it doesn't bring you happiness and rich people tend to believe this. The big house void of love, usually the husband is cheating on the wife. It all comes crashing down sooner or later. I've seen big homes sprout up people move in and then about a year or two later its up for sale. Husband used the first wife as a starter wife.
Honestly rich people aren't happy. I see it everyday. They're miserable. If they were happy they wouldn't be leaving their giant homes in neighbourhoods that aren't neighbourhoods (nobody talks to anyone) at 4am in the morning.
OK....'question' #3 got buried...and I want to hear more opinions on it, so I'm unburying it.
So here's another social dilemma.
Somebody comes to visit, and presents you with 'something'......for example.....guest says "We found these really cool _______(fill in the blank) when were at this funky little shop and we had to buy one.....we picked up one for you, because we knew you'd love it".
Do you say....OMG...how thoughtful of you! THANK YOU! (and accept it as a gift)?
Or do you say.....OMG...how thoughtful of you....how much do we owe you?[/DIV]
I would say thank you for the gift and thoughtfulness.
When I give out the out-of-the-blue kinda gifts, I never ask for money because it's a gift. And these people who have received them have never asked me "how much?" It's the way I present the gift and the way I say it that assures them that it's a "free" keeper.
I usually know by the way a friend hands me something that h/she isn't asking for money. When I receive gifts, I try to find something to return the thoughtfulness and kindness.
Agreed with you, purelife. Whatever the gifts I get, I'm just thankful that they went through the trouble of getting me one. (plus if I don't like it, they're great for recycling)
Oh, I have a question. (I hope that you don't mind me asking some questions in your thread, PC)
I always take off my shoes before entering someone's home.
Question: What if they tell you that it's ok to keep your shoes on. Do you take them off or keep them on?
I still take them off because this is what I am accustomed to. Is it rude to not listen to them?
I still take them off because this is what I am accustomed to. Is it rude to not listen to them?
Not rude I would say, they told you it's OK. Unless they're very shy and your shoes are full of mud...
purelife....I was hoping others would jump in with more questions ! Thanks.
The shoes issue is a good one. I too always take them off even when told....don't worry about it. Whether that's rude or not, I'm not sure.
We got accustomed to telling friends to leave their shoes on, because before we redid our floors....there was lino-tiles on a concrete slab.....so the floor was always cold. We just didn't want them to get cold feets.
I also think that on certain occasions.....like a fancy party or open house, where guests are dressed up....(ladies in dresses and heels)....that they often would prefer to leave their shoes on.
- snif snif, hum what's your perfume young lady?
- Stinky Feet number 5 Monsieur.
That's a good point about the cocktail parties there PC. In that case, I would leave my sandals/heels on if permitted by the Host(ess).
well, sd and others, if you could spare some pity on me. i am such a sad woman. if he did not lie to me nor used me, i would not have to talk to no one 4 in the morning. damage control. needed that release. i tried forgiving him, but he just puts me down again and again. there's no divorce. i was never even his wife. he has my number if he were sorry. no, that will do a lot of damage to his money and reputation. he used my unfinished ideas which were originally for my project, polished them, and presented them to his boss. i told him because i loved and trusted him. he got all the praise. he was so afraid of being found out that now he avoids me like plague and made a huge show off me. now he uses plywood to bar up his house from dead plywood for a big house like his...... a waste of view. he didn't want the surveillance to spot him looking out the window i guess. if any of you had any idea what he really has done, you would know why i had to talk to at 4 in the morning. still, i forgive him, but just hope that i don't fall weak at the end and go back to him just because he tells me he loves me-- something that he only suggested but never have said..... only kept me hoping that he would. that\'s what he does. no, the hope is shattered. i wake up to reality. he used me.
if any of you have any idea what he has done to me. i will move on, but i just wanted to clear my name.
OK....I'm confused.
I wish i could really say what's really going on, but i need to protect people involved. internet spreads things like wild fire. i gotta watch what i say. i use this incorrect grammar style to write because that flows better than if i write with caps.
i have to talk at 4 in the morning because this guy .... this guy whom i trusted for so long, turned from being such a good guy for years to a horrible crook to the core. we grew as our affection for each other also grew, but for some reasons i could not be with him when he showed me he loved me so i told him to either wait or move on. it was all good intention on my side, but he thought i was playing with him. i guess i was somewhat responsible. then friends came in and tried to help us, but i insisted that i was not ready. we ran into each other again at a place where poor communication was doomed to take place. everyone was all masked. no one really knew who each other was. so that encouraged misunderstandings and immaturity. this guy then... being so smart, used our poor communication to turn it around, ganged up and attacked me so he could feel better about our not being able to be together. because the only we could recognize each other was tone, voice, and things that are unknown to any other but us, we hinted instead of used a lot of that. but in the end, because how i felt that all the masking was so unnecessary and how he felt that unmasking would ruin the party, we both got very bad.... now, things started getting nasty.............
It certainly sounds like a bit of a mess JSS. I guess I'm just confused, because I was uncertain who you were directing your comments to.
I'm still confused....but I hope it works out the way you are hoping it will.
I just wanted to clear my name. Just wanted the whole misunderstanding to clear up. i hope you will understand and we can be friends.
I haven't thought anything negative toward you at all. I wish you the best of luck. [img style="CURSOR: pointer" onclick=url(this.src); src="http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c020.gif" border=0]
I am directing at he:
whom I still have a hard time believing what he has done
whom I still love
who was not sure how i felt and asked dozens of people for opinions
who I truly love but don't know how to stop our battle, or has it turned to cold war?
who I was always unsure how he felt until recently...
who has hurt me
whom I have hurt
whom I used to tickle at the waist
who gave me a handset as a souvenir
whom I gave key chains to
who sat on my left when we watched Titanic in cinema
did not pay for my filet-o-fish either after the movie
Sat on my left again we watched it again in his home and
got me a bowl of chocolates this time.
who used to be a punctual, idealistic, creative and spontaneous guy with morals
did not know that I was scared at the cat that followed us to a trail entrance
ordered and paid for my filet-o-fish through drive-thru years after titanic
did not shake but held my hand while I held his
did not know which side to walk on when we were walking to a parking lot
who I told him many times that I was not ready and he then
did things that seemed very out of his character
whom I got mad and confused with
who got mad at me
whom I have the hardest time to let go of not because 'you' chose to turn
things sour, but because it felt so out of 'his' character...... or have I never
known him?
Brainstormed.
thanks
Listen....I was trying really hard not to be rude.....but your posts are very confusing. Who ARE you talking to ? I thought I had it figured out, but I'm lost all over again.
Thanks for your help PC, but if I post names here, it's bad for everyone. And we are strangers.
PC, even if I tell you who this person is, his name, address and everything, what can you or we do about his suddenly stealing my ideas and used them as his own?
I was partially talking to you, partially to anyone reading this. I don't know how many people or who are reading this thing here, so I apologize for the way I wrote.
So....the next 'social dilemma'.
What are your guidelines for cancelling a dinner invitation. From both sides.
You've invited guests for dinner. You toss aside your normal days activities to shop...(purchasing food that you might likely not purchase).....spend the day making the house 'company tidy'.....prepping, fussing etc. Dinner's at 7. You get a call at 6:30 saying "we're really bagged tonight, we think we're going to pass"
What do you say, when you get that call ?
OR....You've invited guests....but by 4:00, you realize that you're really not up for company.....
Do you suck it up and do the dinner.....or do you phone and say your uncle just died.
Hmm I'd go ahead and cook the dinner and play a board game with the significant other/watch a movie etc. (if its a couples dinner).
Try to turn it into a good night.
If I was really feeling sick, then I would cancel the planned party. I have to be extremely sick to do such a thing because I hate cancelling plans. I feel so guilty and so bad for cancelling something that I planned for or promised to attend. I don't like letting down people.
That's a given.
But do you say anything to the 'last minute cancellers'? Are you gun-shy to invite them again?
*snicker
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Oops...that last post was in response to SD.
Me too purelife. I have to be in crawling mode to cancel if I was the invitER. Do you find people are less concerned about these types of 'commitments' now?
Well if it was me, I'm pretty easy going and yeah I'd invite them again. But if they do it again. Well SD gets in his car and drives over to see what's up. ;)
Sorry, forgot to answer the other question, PC.
If it was the first time the couple cancelled the event on me, then I'd let it pass. If it happens again, I probably wouldn't invite them as much again. I woudn't have my hopes up too much either. If they cancelled, they have to have a pretty good darn reason to. I'm a pretty understanding person in the first place if they told the truth.
P.C. wrote:
Oops...that last post was in response to SD.
Me too purelife. I have to be in crawling mode to cancel if I was the invitER. [span style="font-style: italic; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 128);"]Do you find people are less concerned about these types of 'commitments' now?[/span]
[hr style="width: 100%; height: 2px;"]YES! For sure. At my company, I belong to the Sports Committee where we organize events for our company to attend. Basically, our company gives our committee a budget every year and we spend the money. (oh so fun!) Anyways, our last event that we planned was a baseball game. For a value of $26, it included a baseball game and a BBQ buffet. All the employee and guest(s) had to pay was $5 and the company covered the rest. Good deal, right?!
Anyways, people were cancelling at the last minute saying "oh, I just don't feel like it...or, I don't know if we're going to go...or, it's only 5 dollars!!!!" I was just pissed when they said "oh, it's only $5!!" The company loses money for each person because we had already paid Nat Bailey Stadium the money for 100 people in advance. So, I sent an email out to everyone in the company helping them understand that the company loses money for you not attending and that our committee has put so much effort in organizing this.
People these days don't care about committments. It doesn't mean much anymore. (generally speaking)
Me too purelife.....pretty understanding. But 'we're really tired' doesn't cut it for me. I usually put a pretty goodly amount of fuss into it when I have people for dinner. (I actually have friends that do this on a somewhat regular basis.) I love them to pieces, but it drives me crazy.
What can you do. I guess I'm wondering if there is any totally cool way to say something when they do this. Because I think it's really only a matter of different ways of how one is raised....I don't think it's something they give much thought to. For the most part, I 'let it go'. But I do find myself not really giving it my ALL the next time I invite them.
that's pathetically sad purelife.
If that happened to me but in advance I'd give the tickets to an inner city youth program or something (if possible)
I would tell them how you really feel PC. Tell your friends (who cancelled) that you put so much effort into this and them cancelling on you isn't a nice thing and it makes you feel like they're not valuing your time. If they were your true friends, they'd try their best to understand your side of view. I believe in being honest with your friends. It's a great way in learning how much they can handle and if they are truly your friend. There's friends and then there's friends.
Oh, I was pissed (sorry for my choice of the harsh word). Our committee initially only ordered 50 tickets but due to the high response, we ordered 50 more. In the end, I had some unused tickets. I sold some to scalpers there but the rest, couldn't do so in time. I would've loved to give them away to a Children's place or something (like a hospital or school) if I had the time to. But when I had these tickets on the day of the event, it was difficult. I even resorted to asking people from this forum if they wanted to go. I would have given them for free. I still have some tickets in my wallet, unused. People these days... aaarrggh!
Oh, I've got another question.
How do you feel about people who constantly don't finish what they put on their plate?
Yeah maybe in the future you could have a 'last back out date'. That way you sort of force them to come (baring emergency) and if a lot do back out, a final date to do so would give you enough time to give the ticket events to a children's hospital or a boys and girls club (do they have those in Canada?).
purelife wrote:
Oh, I've got another question.
How do you feel about people who constantly don't finish what they put on their plate?
Oh boy, where to begin. Going to my Oma's house in Florida you have to eat everything on your plate or she'd give you a concentration camp story of her scraping mold off of bread. She gives you the "talk" as I put it. You don't want to get the little german lady angry nor hear the depressing story so you ate. I've sort of carried on that motto of be thankful for what you have.
How frustrating purelife. You could incorporate a cancellation policy. It's 'only' $5 bucks for you to go, but $30 to cancel. But you know....it's not all about the money. It's about someone who has invested their heart and time into planning and organizing the event. It's a big let-down.
[SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"]How do you feel about people who constantly don't finish what they put on their plate?[/SPAN]
THAT'S and emotional issue for sure. That one stems directly from how you are raised. It's bordering on sinful (IMO) to take food and not eat it. (because that's how I was raised) I remember splurging on a Prime Rib Roast one night. Our guest picked at it and then announced that she would just take the rest home for her dog. (it was Prime rib perfection I tell ya) Oy. [TABLE bgColor=#ffffdd border=1] [TBODY] [TR] [TD align=middle colSpan=2][SMALL]Anti-Spam Bot-Stopper
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I even resorted to asking people from this forum if they wanted to go.
Oh sh** and I tought you were in love with me !(//forums/richedit/smileys/Sad/7.gif) lol
Joking apart, sad situation PL. That was kind for asking.
I remember splurging on a Prime Rib Roast one night. Our guest picked at it and then announced that [span style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline; font-style: italic;"]she would just take the rest home for her dog[/span]. (it was Prime rib perfection I tell ya)
*noise made by a cocking gun in the distance*
OK....next social dilemma.
How do you respond to someone whom you have invited to dinner, who says..."Oh...is it OK if we bring along Larry and Jenny?"
first do I know this Larry or Jenny? Second if I don't, no way jose (esecially if I knew the kind of friends the person saying this hung around). If I knew Larry or Jenny then maybe. Depends what kind of gathering I was aiming for.
If I had the space and enough food for them, then they could come. Usually, I say no because I don't have the space nor did I prepare enough food.
Yea....I think it's a food prep/quantity issue too purelife. On the other hand, I would never (could never) ask to invite my friends along with me on a dinner invite. I think that a person could simply say....We'd love to be able to make dinner on Saturday night....unfortunately we have some people that will be coming by........ Putting in back in the hosts hands to say.....either ...."Well bring them along"....or...."Oh dear....bad luck for us.....maybe we can try again next weekend".