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Author Topic: Staples To Buy Office Depot  (Read 1268 times)

TehBorken

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Staples To Buy Office Depot
« on: Feb 04 15 09:36 »
Of course they will, because $$$$$$$$$.

I think if someone were to create a simulation model of a truly free market with no regulation, and seed it with hundreds (or thousands) of little businesses to start with, given enough time, you'll end up single monopoly that controls every industry, service, and product.



Imagine of you will a 224,000 square foot Shangri La of office.  An entire area devoted to a sea of elderly men browsing ink jet printers, remarking on how great a deal they're getting, and haggling the price of toner cartridges. Their revelry interrupted twice daily by the passing of a thunderous freight-train of 13-year olds wheeling through the store on castered office seating.  Imagine a copier the size of a two story house that still cant manage to fax correctly.  In one long aisle, a veritable modern art museum of Van Goghs who have tested billions of different markers and pens in search for the one true biro.  Picture a mountain of paper manned by khaki-clad teenage Sherpas who will guide the worthy to the perfect gloss of 8x11 in a 12 man expedition, using the bodies of the dead to guide their way.  This new realm of office will succor a distant memory of office stores of yore with its array of overly-lit fluorescent display stands and valleys of fake laptops and monitors perched upon particle board desks assembled by a small factory of hung-over college kids. And when at long last you think it can offer no more, this store will offer the most pointless of all selections of office treats and candies in 600 pound bulk Tyvek totes that can conveniently be stacked onto any customers shopping fork truck.  This office store will be visible for miles from the thick rolling smoke emanating from the innumerable propped doors featuring a staff of thousands competing in a veritable Olympic competition of cigarette consumption as they all collectively 'burn one' while having told a customer they will search a 'back room' that does not exist for a product that cannot be sold.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

 

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