Spam, What are some of your best ones?

[Sawdust]

So I get into work this morning and there's only about a dozen spam in the inbox, but the spam filter has 488. Here are some of the subject lines.

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility, But Murder On The Balls

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Senator John Mccain Wishes To Have Sex With Model Heidi Klum; Others

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama Caught In A Time Warp

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Army Of Two, Dick Cheney And John Mccain Invade Iran

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Michael Jackson Auctions Himself On Ebay!

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Teenage Girl obviously Having Affair With Bat

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Michael Jackson Feels A Little Prick

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Spongebob Squarepants Not Shrek's Father!

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Cranberries CD Cures Woman's Urinary Tract Infection

 

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Europe's Most Wanted Man Discovered Living With Smurfs

 

Undeliverable: Monsanto to genetically modify British Royal family

 

Turn your little soldier into a General

[Richard]

I just got a spam e-mail called "With Due Respect":

 

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With Due respect
  I humbly write to solicit for your partnership and assistance in the transfer and investment of my inheritance fund USD$17.5M from my late father who died mysteriously last Dec.
 
It was very evident that he was poisoned to death. In my culture, when a man dies, if he does not have a male child, the brothers shares his property leaving both the wife and the daughters empty handed including  the house they live in. This is the exact case with me as I am the only daughter of my father. I lost my mother when I was barely a year old and my father refused to re-marry another wife because he felt solely responsible for my mother's death.
 
This is so because he concentrated much on his businesses that he rarely pays attention to domestic affairs. He was always travelling taking care of his businesses that he did not notice when my mother took ill. He thought it was a minor illness and was ignorant of this. My mother on her own resorted to self-medication.It was not until the illness degenerated that my father took my mother to hospital where she was diagnosed to find out that hypatitis had eaten deep into her blood stream. She didn't last long before she died.
  This happened when I was barely a year old. Based on this, my father could not forgive himself easily because of it and said he was responsible for her death as he could have saved her if only he had paid attention to the things at home rather than concentrating much on his businesses.
 
Despite all entreaties by friends and relatives, he refused to remarry but ensured that I had everything that I wanted. It was as a result of this that he made me the next of kin to his fund deposit with the bank and stated that in the event of any eventuality, I should have a direct access to the fund only when I am 24 years of age otherwise, I should have a guardian/partner intercede on my behalf for the release of the funds to me. Unfortunately, he died late last year and I am 21 years of age currently.
  This is why I have contacted you to serve as a guardian to me and as my foreign partner for the transfer and investment of the fund overseas My uncles does not know about the fund because they had already taken my father's houses and other properties because I am a girl and they said I do not have rights for any property. They have requested to have  my father's bank papers but I simply told them that I do not know where he kept them.
  The younger brother took the house in the village while the houses in the town were sold out they shared the proceed they got from the sale. Right now, I am with a friend of mine and do sincerely want to travel out of my country. This can only happen when I have secured  the release and transfer of the funds in the bank.
 
This why it is  important that we have a plan on the type of lucrative business that we can invest the funds on. I had at various times had discussions with the director of international remittance unit of the bank where my father deposited the  funds and I was assured that once, I have someone who would be willing to receive the funds on my behalf, they shall commence all proceedings to effect the release and transfer of the funds into the person's designated account.
  Now, that you have signified your interest to partner with me, it would only be very necessary if you contact the bank and request for  the release and transfer of my inheritance fund into your nominated account for the purpose of investment and to further have me come over to your
country to continue with my studies.
 
I shall be giving you the bank's contact details as soon as I hear back from you so that you will go ahead and contact the bank.
 
Your urgent response will be appreciated,
  Talk to you the more.
Sincerely,
Mariam Abdullah

[Lise]

I enjoyed the Nigerian one the best. LOL.

[Richard]

As of this morning I now have a stalker...

 

 

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Date:	Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:15:17 -0700 (PDT)
From:	Ruth Moses <ruthmoses77@yahoo.com>
To:	rhisiart_talebot@hotmail.com
Subject:	Hello

 

Hello
My name is miss ruth i saw your profile today at(www.petitiononline) and became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send a mail to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom l am.Here is my email address (ruth1848@yahoo.com ) believe we can move from here.I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.misruth.(Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life)
          Please reply me with my email address here
                     
                  (ruth1848@yahoo.com)